where do i start.. honestly?
i've had one of the most stressed out, shit-filled weekends in years.
first off, my best friend.. excuse me.. EX best friend is still blind to the fact that his over-possess girlfriend is completely controlling his life. she's actually convinced him never to talk to me again.. ever. she's also got him on this short-ass leash where he is ONLY allowed to go out with his friends IF she's there with him. she calls this LOVE.. i call it BULLSHIT. i just can't believe he's letting her dictate his entire life.. i know he's extremely passive but i thought he'd be smart enough not to succumb to such ridiculous 'orders'. i wish i could help him, i want to help him.. and i will help him. it's just going to take a lot out of me.. but he's worth it. 'cause if he wasn't.. i wouldn't miss him as much as i do. it's not like we hang out or even talk that much.. i just feel empty knowing that he's just not there anymore. the reason i want to open his eyes to his eff'd up situation.. aka entrapment.. isn't just for me. i want him to realize that he's ruining his life, wasting his life on someone that doesn't deserve him. i KNOW he could do so much better. not to mention, his friends miss 'bielby'.. they just don't enjoy the company of 'jeff' quite as much. he will be back, it just takes time.
secondly, i just ended things with the boy that i had been seeing for the last few weeks. it's funny, it just never ceases to amaze me how fast boys willingly reveal their feelings for me. i guess it could just be me but i find it far too much to handle in such little time. the worst of it all, he's having some pretty serious family issues right now.. and i feel like the biggest jerk for doing what i did, but if i waited any longer it could have actually been worse timing. not only worse timing, but a worse ending. there was one night when the entire house got pretty mashed.. needless to say, one thing lead to another. SURPRISE! for once i actually remember what happened and for once.. i don't regret it. THIS boy is something else. i can't get his INTENSE stare out of my mind and his perfect words out of my thoughts. it's all in those eyes.
thirdly, it's pretty much just boys in general. personally, i think it's so eff'd up how when you want to be in a relationship.. it seems merely impossible and when you don't want anything to do with committment.. you find yourself entirely surrounded as if you've already been trapped. i won't lie.. this is quite the feeling but i just can't let anything happen right now. i need a break.
lastly, and WORST OF ALL.. my poor, poor little petrie ♥.. died *tears*
i honestly have no idea how he died, i just found my snail on top of him. i should never have let myself get so attached to the little guy but i couldn't help it. i love frogs. i love animals, period. i know this sounds silly but i don't think it's entirely hit me yet. he's just a frog, i know.. but that's the point. he was MY frog. he was so tiny, so innocent and i'd only had him for 7.5 months.. but i guess it's better that way, depending how you look at it, 'cause i would have just gotten more attached. i think it hurts so much 'cause i give most of my unconditional love to my babies and little to everyone else. why? i'm not too sure.. 'cause i know it's inevitable that they'll die and i will have to let go of them then. although, i think it could be 'cause it's not their choice to leave me.. whereas, in most cases, others MAKE that choice. this probably just sounds like i'm rambling on about nothing.. which is half true. *sighs* i miss you PETRIE ♥
anyhow, i suppose i should quit complaining.. as i'm sure there's a ton of people who've had a far worse weekend then myself. i just thought that perhaps writing it all out would help to release it from my head, since i haven't done this in years BUT as i sit here.. listening to a recording of an african dwarf frog (only the males sing) i can't help but get tears in my eyes and realize that nothing will help right now. everything’s just piled up. losing petrie.. just should NOT have happened. i had pretty much prepared myself to handle everything else.. but that. losing my baby is just TOO much.
*tears*
i love you, petrie.
xo lanes
first off, my best friend.. excuse me.. EX best friend is still blind to the fact that his over-possess girlfriend is completely controlling his life. she's actually convinced him never to talk to me again.. ever. she's also got him on this short-ass leash where he is ONLY allowed to go out with his friends IF she's there with him. she calls this LOVE.. i call it BULLSHIT. i just can't believe he's letting her dictate his entire life.. i know he's extremely passive but i thought he'd be smart enough not to succumb to such ridiculous 'orders'. i wish i could help him, i want to help him.. and i will help him. it's just going to take a lot out of me.. but he's worth it. 'cause if he wasn't.. i wouldn't miss him as much as i do. it's not like we hang out or even talk that much.. i just feel empty knowing that he's just not there anymore. the reason i want to open his eyes to his eff'd up situation.. aka entrapment.. isn't just for me. i want him to realize that he's ruining his life, wasting his life on someone that doesn't deserve him. i KNOW he could do so much better. not to mention, his friends miss 'bielby'.. they just don't enjoy the company of 'jeff' quite as much. he will be back, it just takes time.
secondly, i just ended things with the boy that i had been seeing for the last few weeks. it's funny, it just never ceases to amaze me how fast boys willingly reveal their feelings for me. i guess it could just be me but i find it far too much to handle in such little time. the worst of it all, he's having some pretty serious family issues right now.. and i feel like the biggest jerk for doing what i did, but if i waited any longer it could have actually been worse timing. not only worse timing, but a worse ending. there was one night when the entire house got pretty mashed.. needless to say, one thing lead to another. SURPRISE! for once i actually remember what happened and for once.. i don't regret it. THIS boy is something else. i can't get his INTENSE stare out of my mind and his perfect words out of my thoughts. it's all in those eyes.
thirdly, it's pretty much just boys in general. personally, i think it's so eff'd up how when you want to be in a relationship.. it seems merely impossible and when you don't want anything to do with committment.. you find yourself entirely surrounded as if you've already been trapped. i won't lie.. this is quite the feeling but i just can't let anything happen right now. i need a break.
lastly, and WORST OF ALL.. my poor, poor little petrie ♥.. died *tears*
i honestly have no idea how he died, i just found my snail on top of him. i should never have let myself get so attached to the little guy but i couldn't help it. i love frogs. i love animals, period. i know this sounds silly but i don't think it's entirely hit me yet. he's just a frog, i know.. but that's the point. he was MY frog. he was so tiny, so innocent and i'd only had him for 7.5 months.. but i guess it's better that way, depending how you look at it, 'cause i would have just gotten more attached. i think it hurts so much 'cause i give most of my unconditional love to my babies and little to everyone else. why? i'm not too sure.. 'cause i know it's inevitable that they'll die and i will have to let go of them then. although, i think it could be 'cause it's not their choice to leave me.. whereas, in most cases, others MAKE that choice. this probably just sounds like i'm rambling on about nothing.. which is half true. *sighs* i miss you PETRIE ♥
anyhow, i suppose i should quit complaining.. as i'm sure there's a ton of people who've had a far worse weekend then myself. i just thought that perhaps writing it all out would help to release it from my head, since i haven't done this in years BUT as i sit here.. listening to a recording of an african dwarf frog (only the males sing) i can't help but get tears in my eyes and realize that nothing will help right now. everything’s just piled up. losing petrie.. just should NOT have happened. i had pretty much prepared myself to handle everything else.. but that. losing my baby is just TOO much.
*tears*
i love you, petrie.
xo lanes