In Marriage, the Little Stuff Counts
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and so starts the mad rush to show your spouse just how much you love them. But showering your spouse with flowers, candy and diamonds won’t make up for being a louse the rest of the year. In fact, letting your husband or wife know that you love them beyond the edges of the Earth is accomplished in the little things you do every day. And by that, we don’t mean showering your spouse with gifts every day. Instead, use these tips to help you focus on the areas of your relationship that are often neglected and need to be nurtured…
Touch Each Other
It is easy to forget about the little things that make such a huge difference, like touching each other; a brush of the hand against her cheek, rubbing his shoulders after a hard day’s work, touching his arm while you have a conversation. The simple act of touching can send shivers up your spine or help to bridge an emotional gap during an argument, so don’t forget to hug, squeeze, kiss, and hold each other every day. Think about the story of twin preemie infants who were being kept alive in separate incubators, the smaller of whom was fighting a very difficult battle with death. It wasn’t until a nurse broke the hospital rules and put the infants in the same incubator that the smaller twin’s health improved so much that he soon became well enough to go home with his brother. The same can be said for a withering relationship where both partners are suffering alone. Look your mate in the eye, tell them how much you love them and hold them tight.
Laugh Together
You don’t have to be a practical joker to have a little fun with your partner, and in fact, practical jokes aren’t usually funny for the person being played. But sharing in some healthy humor with your partner is indeed a very important part of a healthy marriage. It’s what gives color, flair and entertainment to the many years you plan on being together. Without humor, a marriage becomes boring, colorless and frustrating. If being funny doesn’t come naturally to you, learn a funny joke and tell your partner. Even if you mess up the delivery, you’re sure to get a good laugh. Buy one of those telescopic forks and find a clever moment to reach over in the middle of dinner and steal some of their food. (This is also hilarious at family gatherings, especially if you sneak food from Grandpa’s plate while everyone else is watching.) Play silly board games together. Point out interesting people walking by and share a giggle. Whatever it is that makes your partner shake with laughter, do it often.
Boost Their Self-Esteem
Who doesn't want to feel good about themselves? As selfish as it may seem, everyone wants some attention and some reassurance that they are loved. Every day, tell your partner how proud you are of them, and give specific examples to boost their self-confidence. Whether it is about their work, how they handled a certain situation or even for how great they are doing sticking to their diet or fitness plan, don’t keep your pride to yourself. Tell your husband how sexy he is in that plaid shirt or tell your wife how sexy she is when she’s not wearing any makeup. Boosting each other's self-confidence will not only add security to your relationship, it will allow each person to blossom into the successful person they were meant to be.
Disagree When it Counts
Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to change your personality. And, in fact, you shouldn’t get married to someone that you think needs to change, because chances are they won’t. So instead of giving in to the relationship pull to lose your personal identity, be an individual! You both came into the relationship as unique people and it should stay that way. This is not to say that you shouldn't ever compromise with each other.
But when you bottle up your disagreements, you’re only headed straight for an angry explosion. Instead of letting things build up, let your partner know what exactly it is that is bothering you and encourage them to do the same. There’s no rule that says married people have to agree on everything. Be honest about how you feel, know when to compromise on a situation and never give up your personal identity or expect your spouse to do so.
Dream Together
You both have dreams and aspirations, both for your marriage and for yourselves. Dreams are the vehicle upon which the impossible becomes possible, where fear of failure is obsolete and success is inevitable. When you dream, you put all the restrictions of reality behind you and are filled with a sense of exhilaration that can actually lead you to make positive changes in your life in order to reach that goal. Nurture these dreams both for yourself and for your partner, and plan for adventure. Having something grand to look forward to, whether it’s an African safari or a summer’s day spent at the beach, gives you a break from your everyday routines and puts the thrill back into the journey you are both taking together.
Touch Each Other
It is easy to forget about the little things that make such a huge difference, like touching each other; a brush of the hand against her cheek, rubbing his shoulders after a hard day’s work, touching his arm while you have a conversation. The simple act of touching can send shivers up your spine or help to bridge an emotional gap during an argument, so don’t forget to hug, squeeze, kiss, and hold each other every day. Think about the story of twin preemie infants who were being kept alive in separate incubators, the smaller of whom was fighting a very difficult battle with death. It wasn’t until a nurse broke the hospital rules and put the infants in the same incubator that the smaller twin’s health improved so much that he soon became well enough to go home with his brother. The same can be said for a withering relationship where both partners are suffering alone. Look your mate in the eye, tell them how much you love them and hold them tight.
Laugh Together
You don’t have to be a practical joker to have a little fun with your partner, and in fact, practical jokes aren’t usually funny for the person being played. But sharing in some healthy humor with your partner is indeed a very important part of a healthy marriage. It’s what gives color, flair and entertainment to the many years you plan on being together. Without humor, a marriage becomes boring, colorless and frustrating. If being funny doesn’t come naturally to you, learn a funny joke and tell your partner. Even if you mess up the delivery, you’re sure to get a good laugh. Buy one of those telescopic forks and find a clever moment to reach over in the middle of dinner and steal some of their food. (This is also hilarious at family gatherings, especially if you sneak food from Grandpa’s plate while everyone else is watching.) Play silly board games together. Point out interesting people walking by and share a giggle. Whatever it is that makes your partner shake with laughter, do it often.
Boost Their Self-Esteem
Who doesn't want to feel good about themselves? As selfish as it may seem, everyone wants some attention and some reassurance that they are loved. Every day, tell your partner how proud you are of them, and give specific examples to boost their self-confidence. Whether it is about their work, how they handled a certain situation or even for how great they are doing sticking to their diet or fitness plan, don’t keep your pride to yourself. Tell your husband how sexy he is in that plaid shirt or tell your wife how sexy she is when she’s not wearing any makeup. Boosting each other's self-confidence will not only add security to your relationship, it will allow each person to blossom into the successful person they were meant to be.
Disagree When it Counts
Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to change your personality. And, in fact, you shouldn’t get married to someone that you think needs to change, because chances are they won’t. So instead of giving in to the relationship pull to lose your personal identity, be an individual! You both came into the relationship as unique people and it should stay that way. This is not to say that you shouldn't ever compromise with each other.
But when you bottle up your disagreements, you’re only headed straight for an angry explosion. Instead of letting things build up, let your partner know what exactly it is that is bothering you and encourage them to do the same. There’s no rule that says married people have to agree on everything. Be honest about how you feel, know when to compromise on a situation and never give up your personal identity or expect your spouse to do so.
Dream Together
You both have dreams and aspirations, both for your marriage and for yourselves. Dreams are the vehicle upon which the impossible becomes possible, where fear of failure is obsolete and success is inevitable. When you dream, you put all the restrictions of reality behind you and are filled with a sense of exhilaration that can actually lead you to make positive changes in your life in order to reach that goal. Nurture these dreams both for yourself and for your partner, and plan for adventure. Having something grand to look forward to, whether it’s an African safari or a summer’s day spent at the beach, gives you a break from your everyday routines and puts the thrill back into the journey you are both taking together.