Secret Diary Part 2
Yes, it's finally here. Very apt for me to post it today, because today I'm extra insane (between Mary's project poster and then my cracking-up during rehearsal, I think someone slipped me something in my food).
Same as before, I don't own these characters, the Tolkeins do, I make no money from this, based off Jackson's movie in the style originated by Cassie Claire. Enjoy!
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FARAMIR PART 2
Day sixty-two:
Seminar was less than successful. Men still cannot tell difference between rocks and orc spies. Now realize that real reason for downfall of Gondor is most Gondorians are stupid shits.
In other news, interrogated Hobbits. Frodo (a.k.a. the one with the big, adorable, blue eyes) mentioned being in a fellowship with my dead pervy brother. Am now glad that I never went to Rivendell, as "Council" just excuse for orgy. Frodo looked rather traumatized when he mentioned brother, so I'm guessing he actually was a pervy Hobbit-fancier. I then made the tactical error of mentioning my relation to Boromir, which caused Sam to attack me. Nursing severe ankle-bite wounds. Yep, DEFINITELY pervy Hobbit-fancier.
Day sixty-three:
Well, today was rather interesting. Just going about my business tracking Sauron's armies, shooting mumakil, purchasing throw pillows to make HQ more liveable, then suddenly the men all come whimpering to me to "make the scary thing go away." What am I, their mother? No wonder orcs kicking our asses. Inquired what this "scary thing" was. Men tell me how they were "doing laundry" in forbidden pool (oh yes, that's why some of them were half-naked and smelled of lavender oil) when they were molested by a creature that was either a man or a fish or both. Decided to ask Frodo if he'd ever seen odd thing before, just asked politely. He throw hissy fit about "not killing him" which caused Sam to go on warpath for whoever hurt "Mr." Frodo. Great. Now all my men nursing wounds. Wonderful. Also, Frodo now insist on keeping horrid Gollum-thing around as he be their "guide." The damned thing keeps yammering on about "the Precious" and biting my men, who then ask for comforting fraternal hugs. Oy. Have gigantic headache.
Still hottest man of Gondor being driven to early grave.
Day sixty-four:
OMGWTF!!!!
Forgive the juvenile abbreviation, but all my angsting has paid off! Icky weird man-fish thingie actually good for something! It tell me that Frodo have Da 1 Ring!!!0110!!10!!LOL!!!ph34rmyl33tskeelz!!!
Daddy wants Da 1 Ring! If me brings it to him he might not hate me anymore! YAY!
Frodo freaked out AGAIN and Sam yelled at me about something about the Ring and evil and Boromir, but I'm certain it be nonsense. Sam just doesn't like it when Frodo freaks out because on those days Frodo won't let him give his massages.
But whatever. Maybe now Daddy will love me and I won't need that therapy!
Day sixty-five:
You know, maybe Daddy's a bit touched in the head.
Let Hobbits go off with Da 1 Ring. Decided don't need Daddy's love so badly that I have to put up with ambiguously gay Hobbits and perverted icky fish-man and being chased by scary-ass dragon-riding Grim Reapers all while trying to wrestle my men off of each other and off of ME. Clearly Sam was right about Ring being THE EVOL. Realized that if Daddy actually want this thing, he be kinda kooky.