I have of late - but wherefore I know not - lost all my mirth
Huh. My Muse has left me again. And now I'm obsessed with Hamlet. How ironically fitting.
I feel like I have a dagger wedged in my heart that I cannot remove. I'm clearly not having any kind of mental breakdown, but I feel like I'm lying when I tell people that I'm fine. Because I'm really not fine.
My father has cancer. They can't do much to treat it. They give him 18 to 24 months.
I don't know why my mom and dad seem to think that I'm okay with this. I'm no withering flower, that is true, but I do need time to cope with this. But no, right after they tell me they're like "Hey, so we're going to the hospital to talk to doctors about it, wanna come?" You'd think they'd realize by now that their daughter HATES hospitals and doctors and would not want to go, especially right after finding out this traumatic news.
I did drink a bit this weekend. Not enough to get drunk, but more than I have before. I'm not proud of myself for it, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anyone really to talk to. And my writing, well, who knows when I'll be able to write again.
I have been feeling better since I came back on campus though. Here I have people that I can talk too, who understand what I'm going through. And I am very grateful to have these people around me.
I just wish that I knew how to remove this blade from my heart.
I feel like I have a dagger wedged in my heart that I cannot remove. I'm clearly not having any kind of mental breakdown, but I feel like I'm lying when I tell people that I'm fine. Because I'm really not fine.
My father has cancer. They can't do much to treat it. They give him 18 to 24 months.
I don't know why my mom and dad seem to think that I'm okay with this. I'm no withering flower, that is true, but I do need time to cope with this. But no, right after they tell me they're like "Hey, so we're going to the hospital to talk to doctors about it, wanna come?" You'd think they'd realize by now that their daughter HATES hospitals and doctors and would not want to go, especially right after finding out this traumatic news.
I did drink a bit this weekend. Not enough to get drunk, but more than I have before. I'm not proud of myself for it, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anyone really to talk to. And my writing, well, who knows when I'll be able to write again.
I have been feeling better since I came back on campus though. Here I have people that I can talk too, who understand what I'm going through. And I am very grateful to have these people around me.
I just wish that I knew how to remove this blade from my heart.