Remember the love
Okay, maybe I'm a little pathetic for posting on LJ twice today, but I just felt a need to keep people up-to-date.
Tomorrow I have some more people to talk to, then I'm going to my two classes, then I have rehersal, then Aimee and Fabulous are driving me home. The wake is on Wednesday and the funeral is on Thursday. I probably won't be back to the campus until Saturday.
I guess you can say that aside from one really bad moment today, I haven't been acting like a grieving daughter should. I don't know why. I've been preparing for this for a while. It's what I prayed for in the chapel the last time I saw my father. He was suffering. I just asked God to release him from it. Mom told me that he went peacefully, and for that I am grateful.
Mom wanted me to come home tonight, but I couldn't do that. I have a life here that I need to set in order first. And I feel ashamed to admit it, but I feel much better here than at home. I know that I'll be far more comfortable in classes and rehersal tomorrow than I will be when I'm at home and my so-called "family" (if you can call people with the same blood as you family) is crying all over me, when they're not fighting with each other that is. I don't want to think about my uncle being there. And although I have accepted that my father is no longer with me, I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing him in a coffin. I hate coffins.
I have already been shown great support from people, and for that I am very grateful. I hope to see Katie's family at the wake. Katie doesn't put up with bullshit, and I can say goofy stuff to her without her finding me "inappropriate." In fact, I laughed a lot tonight with Aimee and Ryan. It made me feel good, and you know what? I know that it's want my father would have wanted. He knew how much I love school and my friends. I don't think he'd be happy about me being stuck at home for the rest of the week.
But I have to go. It's my duty as his daughter.
I love you all.
Tomorrow I have some more people to talk to, then I'm going to my two classes, then I have rehersal, then Aimee and Fabulous are driving me home. The wake is on Wednesday and the funeral is on Thursday. I probably won't be back to the campus until Saturday.
I guess you can say that aside from one really bad moment today, I haven't been acting like a grieving daughter should. I don't know why. I've been preparing for this for a while. It's what I prayed for in the chapel the last time I saw my father. He was suffering. I just asked God to release him from it. Mom told me that he went peacefully, and for that I am grateful.
Mom wanted me to come home tonight, but I couldn't do that. I have a life here that I need to set in order first. And I feel ashamed to admit it, but I feel much better here than at home. I know that I'll be far more comfortable in classes and rehersal tomorrow than I will be when I'm at home and my so-called "family" (if you can call people with the same blood as you family) is crying all over me, when they're not fighting with each other that is. I don't want to think about my uncle being there. And although I have accepted that my father is no longer with me, I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing him in a coffin. I hate coffins.
I have already been shown great support from people, and for that I am very grateful. I hope to see Katie's family at the wake. Katie doesn't put up with bullshit, and I can say goofy stuff to her without her finding me "inappropriate." In fact, I laughed a lot tonight with Aimee and Ryan. It made me feel good, and you know what? I know that it's want my father would have wanted. He knew how much I love school and my friends. I don't think he'd be happy about me being stuck at home for the rest of the week.
But I have to go. It's my duty as his daughter.
I love you all.