you think about eternity
Title: you think about eternity
Author: azuredamsel
Pairings: House/Cameron, Wilson/Cameron
Rating: R
Word Count: 824
Summary: You wish you could just stop thinking, for once in your fucking life. Realizations and the lack thereof.
Notes: For cathiexx. ♥
"If something's everlasting
Then it's over our heads."
--Jon Brion
You know when it happens before they're willing to admit it.
Although, really, it's not like the realization required any special brilliance.
Just: you walked into the cafeteria (Wilson would buy you lunch) and he's already eating. With Cameron next to him.
And Wilson's not in any hurry to leave. (You think Jane Austen and danger.) And Cameron's got this smile on her face and it's soft.
You (never) wanted her to get soft. But there it is, a soft and pearly smile. Like some kind of toothpaste commercial from hell.
At the same time you realize that there's something there, you realize you're not hungry anymore.
You think that's probably symbolic in some fucked-up way.
.
You see them together in the hall a week later. (They like to pretend they're discreet.) His hand barely making contact with the small of her back.
Cameron barely leans into the touch, but there's a look in her eyes.
You think she looked at you like that, once. Twice. (It's not like you kept count.) And you wonder why you notice. If it matters.
You don't realize you're staring until she turns around and looks at you.
Maybe there's a sadness to her eyes, for an instant. But you have clinic hours to do.
Cuddy doesn't say anything, but you can see the incredulity around the corners of her mouth when she doesn't have to nag you.
.
They're kissing in the parking lot one day and for a minute you want to say something.
But you stop and you watch them, instead.
Watch as his hand sneaks down her waistband and listen while she gasps James against his lips. You can just barely see her lips on his neck, and you wonder if she's leaving bruises. If he's made her soft.
You start to think about how many eternities there are in a given moment.
They leave and you realize you've been watching them in some convinient shadows for half an hour.
You palm three Vicodin and try not to think about eternity. Your pants already feel funny.
.
You start to watch her stomach to see if there's a curve. (Jimmy let it slip he wanted kids.)
It's fucked up, you think, but then you stop thinking. Because you're starting to think this thing between them is going to last.
And it's easier to just not think about it.
.
There's a ring on her finger and you wonder if you missed it in the frenzy of treating the last patient.
It's only a little diamond, but Cameron would want it small. Subtle. (Her stomach's still flat.)
She catches you looking at her (you'll never admit it's becoming a habit) and she starts to smile and there's definitely something in her eyes.
It's somewhere between love and regret, and you know way too well what that is.
.
So it's not a surprise when she shows up at your apartment at midnight. It saves you from coming up with a pretense for kissing her. (Her lips are soft; they probably always were.)
She breaks the kiss (a second? minute? an eternity?) and you should ask her why she's here and why she's left Jimmy. (You don't want to think "if".)
But then she tugs at her shirt and her bra strap is red. So you figure this is intentional.
When she comes, the "Greg" is only a little below a scream. And then you fuck her again. If you start talking, she's going to tell you so many things you don't want to hear.
She's gone in the morning and you wonder if you should ask if Jimmy cheated. (You don't want to hear that he didn't, because it would throw a wrench in your theory.)
You wonder if she screams "James" when he fucks her. If he thinks about eternity when he calls her "Allison."
You wish you could just stop thinking, for once in your fucking life.
But you're not really sure you'd have anything left.
.
You know Jimmy thinks eternity when there's a cup of tea next to her laptop one morning. Thirty-eight days after Cameron showed up at your apartment.
You're used to knowing answers before people bother asking the right questions.
For the next twenty-nine days, Cameron comes to work looking like she's going to projectile vomit. But the pale skin looks good on her -- you'd never tell her that.
(There are a lot of things you'd never tell Cameron.)
Jimmy tells you it's twins seventeen days later. (You think Cain and Abel.) And you wonder what will happen if they have blue eyes.
.
They're kissing in the parking lot. Her belly is just making contact with his belt buckle. And for some reason, this is the sexist part. (You don't wonder if they're yours. It's not allowed to matter anyway.)
But your leg is hurting (the morphine at home is calling your name) so you walk right past.
(Of course you still look at Cameron.) And there's something in her eyes between sadness and euphoria.
You keep walking. You have something taped on TiVo. Or something.
And you wonder if eternity is a blessing or a curse.
(You won't admit anything else.)
Author: azuredamsel
Pairings: House/Cameron, Wilson/Cameron
Rating: R
Word Count: 824
Summary: You wish you could just stop thinking, for once in your fucking life. Realizations and the lack thereof.
Notes: For cathiexx. ♥
"If something's everlasting
Then it's over our heads."
--Jon Brion
You know when it happens before they're willing to admit it.
Although, really, it's not like the realization required any special brilliance.
Just: you walked into the cafeteria (Wilson would buy you lunch) and he's already eating. With Cameron next to him.
And Wilson's not in any hurry to leave. (You think Jane Austen and danger.) And Cameron's got this smile on her face and it's soft.
You (never) wanted her to get soft. But there it is, a soft and pearly smile. Like some kind of toothpaste commercial from hell.
At the same time you realize that there's something there, you realize you're not hungry anymore.
You think that's probably symbolic in some fucked-up way.
.
You see them together in the hall a week later. (They like to pretend they're discreet.) His hand barely making contact with the small of her back.
Cameron barely leans into the touch, but there's a look in her eyes.
You think she looked at you like that, once. Twice. (It's not like you kept count.) And you wonder why you notice. If it matters.
You don't realize you're staring until she turns around and looks at you.
Maybe there's a sadness to her eyes, for an instant. But you have clinic hours to do.
Cuddy doesn't say anything, but you can see the incredulity around the corners of her mouth when she doesn't have to nag you.
.
They're kissing in the parking lot one day and for a minute you want to say something.
But you stop and you watch them, instead.
Watch as his hand sneaks down her waistband and listen while she gasps James against his lips. You can just barely see her lips on his neck, and you wonder if she's leaving bruises. If he's made her soft.
You start to think about how many eternities there are in a given moment.
They leave and you realize you've been watching them in some convinient shadows for half an hour.
You palm three Vicodin and try not to think about eternity. Your pants already feel funny.
.
You start to watch her stomach to see if there's a curve. (Jimmy let it slip he wanted kids.)
It's fucked up, you think, but then you stop thinking. Because you're starting to think this thing between them is going to last.
And it's easier to just not think about it.
.
There's a ring on her finger and you wonder if you missed it in the frenzy of treating the last patient.
It's only a little diamond, but Cameron would want it small. Subtle. (Her stomach's still flat.)
She catches you looking at her (you'll never admit it's becoming a habit) and she starts to smile and there's definitely something in her eyes.
It's somewhere between love and regret, and you know way too well what that is.
.
So it's not a surprise when she shows up at your apartment at midnight. It saves you from coming up with a pretense for kissing her. (Her lips are soft; they probably always were.)
She breaks the kiss (a second? minute? an eternity?) and you should ask her why she's here and why she's left Jimmy. (You don't want to think "if".)
But then she tugs at her shirt and her bra strap is red. So you figure this is intentional.
When she comes, the "Greg" is only a little below a scream. And then you fuck her again. If you start talking, she's going to tell you so many things you don't want to hear.
She's gone in the morning and you wonder if you should ask if Jimmy cheated. (You don't want to hear that he didn't, because it would throw a wrench in your theory.)
You wonder if she screams "James" when he fucks her. If he thinks about eternity when he calls her "Allison."
You wish you could just stop thinking, for once in your fucking life.
But you're not really sure you'd have anything left.
.
You know Jimmy thinks eternity when there's a cup of tea next to her laptop one morning. Thirty-eight days after Cameron showed up at your apartment.
You're used to knowing answers before people bother asking the right questions.
For the next twenty-nine days, Cameron comes to work looking like she's going to projectile vomit. But the pale skin looks good on her -- you'd never tell her that.
(There are a lot of things you'd never tell Cameron.)
Jimmy tells you it's twins seventeen days later. (You think Cain and Abel.) And you wonder what will happen if they have blue eyes.
.
They're kissing in the parking lot. Her belly is just making contact with his belt buckle. And for some reason, this is the sexist part. (You don't wonder if they're yours. It's not allowed to matter anyway.)
But your leg is hurting (the morphine at home is calling your name) so you walk right past.
(Of course you still look at Cameron.) And there's something in her eyes between sadness and euphoria.
You keep walking. You have something taped on TiVo. Or something.
And you wonder if eternity is a blessing or a curse.
(You won't admit anything else.)