Only been a little while

Mar 02, 2009 00:07

Since I've last posted anyway. On the positive side, that usually means I'm doing pretty well. Which to be honest, I have been. I've actually been happier in many ways than I have been in a very long time. My friend Eric visited for a month and it was definitely worth the harrying to get him up here. He added something to this household dynamic that I think was lost when it was again reduced to two. There is something about having three people that shakes things up a bit.

Either way, I have been doing some soul searching as of late. Partially brought on by our recent visitor. About where my life is going and the like. I realize I can't remain where I am in my current state, the problem being nailing down the particulars.

I realize I am different from a lot of people, at least in the traditional American fashion. I wouldn't say its a lack of motivation, but more along the lines of lack of drive in line with our societies traditional goals. I have drive and motivation towards a different idea of what gives my life meaning. I really couldn't care less if I ever own a new car. As long as I have one that reliably gets me from point A to point B, I really don't care. I honestly don't care if I ever own my own home as long as I live in reasonable comfort. I don't need a huge TV, a million movies, various unnecessary household appliances, or horrendously expensive clothing. I really am not infatuated with travel. Yes, its nice but I'm just as fine with seeing a picture of the grand canyon as I am with being there. To me, going to a different place is just seeing different colored dirt.

I realize this may make me seem like a somewhat boring individual, but to be honest, I truly am a simple person in what I want out of life. Things are things, and places are merely places, what drives me and what I find valuable, are the people that I meet and hold dear. Yes I enjoyed what I learned getting my degree and the chance to educate myself further, but what made the experience worthwhile to me, were the people I met along the way. The ones who shaped and helped me grow, the ones the brought me love, the ones who brought me pain, and those who brought me both.

In the end, the root of my problem being, I really couldn't care less what I do that brings me a paycheck to satisfy my basic needs. So what I've recently started thinking about, are what things do I actually enjoy doing? Something that has come to mind has been my love for cooking. In a similar way, this explains why I enjoy being a bartender. I love mixing various flavors into something that people can enjoy. Its been a thought, but I guess one of the things holding me back is the risk involved with making a leap such as this. For one, I would probably have to move again, which is never fun. Another being, is this something where I could eventually progress to being able to live on my own to an extent where I am at least able to essentially live what many would consider a normal life. Its not the money I desire, its the security that will allow me to live my life. The last thing I want to do is spend more years of my life only to end up not making any progress towards that goal of security.

Although, I guess compared to some of the more recent future plans I've heard from some people, it does make mine seem much more realistic.

As an aside, a holiday I would prefer to just skip is creeping up. I think I may just end up putting myself into a drunken stupor until it passes. I would say I am over her, but that doesn't mean I don't think about her often. I sometimes wonder if those aren't two contradictory things. On the plus side, I've stopped actively seeking to remedy being single. I figure every meaningful relationship I've ever had blindsided me. Why should I expect anything different?

So, just some thoughts. I need to head to bed.

Not all who wander are lost.
Previous post Next post
Up