dependency
When I was young, I could not fall asleep unless the sound of a heartbeat rang in my ears. I'm not sure why that was. But sometimes, when I'm alone, I sleep with a watch under my pillow. The rhythm soothes me.
Consequently, whenever I hear a heart beat regularly, I become lethargic, cuddly, and my softer, more submissive side shines through. It's a trigger to what I used to depend on.
I still have to sleep with a teddy bear. If I am not holding onto something, I will not sleep properly.
My mother was afraid that because of this, I would depend on someone my whole life. The need for it was that strong. So she helped me break the habit. This is where my hatred of dependency grows from; any time I have been dependent on anything, it has put a toll on my health, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.
My friend pointed out that I tend to knock anyone who is dependent on me away, because I see it in their best interest.
To anyone I have ever done this to, I apologize now.
I don't mean to be harsh, but I know dependency, from my own experiences and from those of others. I don't like it, at all. That's why I've learned not to depend on anything but myself. (or tried to learn)
I understand that this doesn't always work. I know that you need friends and that you can't do anything on your own. But depending on anyone who might for any reason not be there, is dangerous to me.
It sounds wrong, but that's the way I am. I get annoyed easily by people who are dependent on anything or anyone. And if I expressed that in a harsh way to anybody, I am sorry.
The heart beat was a general example. I've seen (and been) dependent on worse. But I don't like it, and it's one of the things that trigger my temper.
Just explaining.
~kirt.
Consequently, whenever I hear a heart beat regularly, I become lethargic, cuddly, and my softer, more submissive side shines through. It's a trigger to what I used to depend on.
I still have to sleep with a teddy bear. If I am not holding onto something, I will not sleep properly.
My mother was afraid that because of this, I would depend on someone my whole life. The need for it was that strong. So she helped me break the habit. This is where my hatred of dependency grows from; any time I have been dependent on anything, it has put a toll on my health, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.
My friend pointed out that I tend to knock anyone who is dependent on me away, because I see it in their best interest.
To anyone I have ever done this to, I apologize now.
I don't mean to be harsh, but I know dependency, from my own experiences and from those of others. I don't like it, at all. That's why I've learned not to depend on anything but myself. (or tried to learn)
I understand that this doesn't always work. I know that you need friends and that you can't do anything on your own. But depending on anyone who might for any reason not be there, is dangerous to me.
It sounds wrong, but that's the way I am. I get annoyed easily by people who are dependent on anything or anyone. And if I expressed that in a harsh way to anybody, I am sorry.
The heart beat was a general example. I've seen (and been) dependent on worse. But I don't like it, and it's one of the things that trigger my temper.
Just explaining.
~kirt.