[Personal Diary Entry; 7/28/12]
[Written in her diary, a powder blue hardcover book with a lock on it.]
Dear Diary,
I haven't written in far too long. Not much this summer. I'm not sure why. I guess I haven't felt like writing much though I know I should. Especially these days when I have quite a bit to write about...
School's getting better. I'm trying really hard to make friends still. Maybe it doesn't look like much to other people but it's a lot for me. It's hard to reach out to others sometimes when all I want to do is bury myself in my paintings and projects and hide from the people around me and forget everything else exists. But I know too much escapism isn't healthy. It's why I paint outside when the weather's nice so I'll see people around me, at least. Maybe they feel so distant from me all too often, like I'm watching them from a distant star but I really am trying. It's hard but I won't give up.
It's hard to believe I'll be a junior this year. Mother and Father are already bombarding me with college pamphlets, most of them for Ivy League schools. I haven't had the heart to tell them I'm more interested in attending art school or studying abroad after I graduate. They still see art as my hobby rather than something I would genuinely like to do for a living someday. Or I think I'd like to do.
There are other things happening in my life that I feel no driving need to write about. I know I probably should so I'm able to process everything correctly. I have no words for what I experienced, only images. Painting would be a much more effective release. I need to be more cautious of what I write down where people can see. This book has its own lock and there are two more layers of locks outside of it in addition to my room lock.
I met someone. Well, several someones but this one is a boy type someone. He lives far away from here and I don't even know his full name. Maybe I'm naive but he seems like a really good person like Rolf is. Quite charming and kind in a way that most boys just aren't anymore. It's odd how James made more of an impression on me with a few sweet words and doodles than most guys do. I look forward to writing him again. I promised to send him a picture of Nephele after I saw her again. I suppose I could send him a sketch of what little I did see on that night but it wouldn't be very detailed or informative. I was more focused on the beasts intent on killing me and the other girls I was with.
I didn't want to write about this here or at all but it seems to be flooding out of me regardless of what I will so here it is. I saw something the other night that makes me question my sanity and that others have seen the same or similar things isn't as much of a comfort as it should be. Somehow it makes the experience that much more frightening. Whether these things truly do reside in the dark or if all of our minds are playing tricks on us to a phenomenal extent, I'm scared of what I'll keep seeing should I remain on this path. I have doubts about my ability to cope with these types of events should they continue. And I know in both my head and my heart that they will.
Dear Diary,
I haven't written in far too long. Not much this summer. I'm not sure why. I guess I haven't felt like writing much though I know I should. Especially these days when I have quite a bit to write about...
School's getting better. I'm trying really hard to make friends still. Maybe it doesn't look like much to other people but it's a lot for me. It's hard to reach out to others sometimes when all I want to do is bury myself in my paintings and projects and hide from the people around me and forget everything else exists. But I know too much escapism isn't healthy. It's why I paint outside when the weather's nice so I'll see people around me, at least. Maybe they feel so distant from me all too often, like I'm watching them from a distant star but I really am trying. It's hard but I won't give up.
It's hard to believe I'll be a junior this year. Mother and Father are already bombarding me with college pamphlets, most of them for Ivy League schools. I haven't had the heart to tell them I'm more interested in attending art school or studying abroad after I graduate. They still see art as my hobby rather than something I would genuinely like to do for a living someday. Or I think I'd like to do.
There are other things happening in my life that I feel no driving need to write about. I know I probably should so I'm able to process everything correctly. I have no words for what I experienced, only images. Painting would be a much more effective release. I need to be more cautious of what I write down where people can see. This book has its own lock and there are two more layers of locks outside of it in addition to my room lock.
I met someone. Well, several someones but this one is a boy type someone. He lives far away from here and I don't even know his full name. Maybe I'm naive but he seems like a really good person like Rolf is. Quite charming and kind in a way that most boys just aren't anymore. It's odd how James made more of an impression on me with a few sweet words and doodles than most guys do. I look forward to writing him again. I promised to send him a picture of Nephele after I saw her again. I suppose I could send him a sketch of what little I did see on that night but it wouldn't be very detailed or informative. I was more focused on the beasts intent on killing me and the other girls I was with.
I didn't want to write about this here or at all but it seems to be flooding out of me regardless of what I will so here it is. I saw something the other night that makes me question my sanity and that others have seen the same or similar things isn't as much of a comfort as it should be. Somehow it makes the experience that much more frightening. Whether these things truly do reside in the dark or if all of our minds are playing tricks on us to a phenomenal extent, I'm scared of what I'll keep seeing should I remain on this path. I have doubts about my ability to cope with these types of events should they continue. And I know in both my head and my heart that they will.