Yeahhhh....jeans, and trying on clothes. Yeah. I get it. I wish I didn't. Which I don't mean in a snotty "I wish I didn't understand this because I'd rather look like a supermodel than like myself" kind of way - it's more like, "I wish I didn't get what you're saying because I wish the body image thing didn't trouble me so much."
We live in this terrible culture where if your body don't have what Tom Wolfe calls the "boy with boobs" look, you have body image issues. It's terrible that we are made to believe being emaciated, or looking like a slender teenager, is anything a grown woman should aspire to.
And yet, as much as I am philisophically and morally repulsed by this noxious image, I AM STILL PART OF THIS CULTURE. And dammit, I still have body issues. It pisses me off, to be honest.
I'm so conflicted. I really, really understand about not wanting to try on clothes. I really get it about spending hours trying to find a single, decent pair of jeans that are not too long, that fit in the waist, that are attractive without being overdone, and that fit your budget. Since jeans are a staple of the American wardrobe it makes no sense whatsoever that this process should be so freaking intensely difficult!
To be honest I don't always have great luck at Kohls. Sometimes, yes, but not all the time. Personally I usually have better luck finding jeans at Aéropostale, but that's just me. (And the B-girl, too, incidentally: almost all her jeans are Aéropostale. It makes sense, she has my figure, poor thing.)
I wish I could tell you that what counts is that you are smart and witty and clever and terrific fun and a great friend, but the truth is, I know that in some way, when all of that stuff is balanced against fitting into a pair of jeans, the stupid jeans will win every time. They can't be beat, those jeans. You can't ignore them because everyone else sees them, and you can't pretend they're not important because to everyone else, those jeans are possibly the very most important thing about you.
Okay, so maybe I'm not helping. I don't think I am. I'm philosophizing in a rather depressing way, which is kind of antithetical to reaching out to my dear friend to tell her it's going to be all right because who you are matters more than what you look like. But I won't lie, either. Who you are SHOULD matter more than what you look like. It should matter ten times more. A hundred times more. But I can't say that, and mean it.
The truth is, we are all damaged by the culture we live in. Even if we try to pretend we are not. We are all compared, and brought up short by, thousands upon thousands of images of super-skinny women, and we are told we should all look just like that. Our daughters stick their fingers down their throats or they swallow laxatives by the boxful or they don't eat for three weeks, all because they have been sold for so long and so insidiously on that line - and they are so young and vulnerable - they are powerless against it, and they give in, and they want to be just like the models on the magazines, and even we grown women, looking on and shaking our heads, we ourselves are victims of the same evil beauty school.
I understand. I get it. But I don't know what to do about it. I don't think I'm much help to you right now, and I really don't think I'm doing myself any favors either. I hate the beauty image thing, but I'm part of it too.
At least these jeans fit, when I can find them. That's got to count for something, right? I have found a brand and size of jeans that are acceptable to me. It's just tracking down a physical pair of the darn things that is so much trouble. Levi's 515s work very well for me, with the midrise cut, and they are almost not too long for me if I can find them in the short length. I was starting to think I would either have to wear horrible, unflattering jeans for the rest of my life, or I would have to start shopping for $200 jeans, to which I am morally opposed. They're jeans.
I don't even want to look emaciated. I just want to look fit and normal (curvy, not flabby), and I don't think it will ever happen, no matter how much weight I lose.
We live in this terrible culture where if your body don't have what Tom Wolfe calls the "boy with boobs" look, you have body image issues. It's terrible that we are made to believe being emaciated, or looking like a slender teenager, is anything a grown woman should aspire to.
And yet, as much as I am philisophically and morally repulsed by this noxious image, I AM STILL PART OF THIS CULTURE. And dammit, I still have body issues. It pisses me off, to be honest.
I'm so conflicted. I really, really understand about not wanting to try on clothes. I really get it about spending hours trying to find a single, decent pair of jeans that are not too long, that fit in the waist, that are attractive without being overdone, and that fit your budget. Since jeans are a staple of the American wardrobe it makes no sense whatsoever that this process should be so freaking intensely difficult!
To be honest I don't always have great luck at Kohls. Sometimes, yes, but not all the time. Personally I usually have better luck finding jeans at Aéropostale, but that's just me. (And the B-girl, too, incidentally: almost all her jeans are Aéropostale. It makes sense, she has my figure, poor thing.)
I wish I could tell you that what counts is that you are smart and witty and clever and terrific fun and a great friend, but the truth is, I know that in some way, when all of that stuff is balanced against fitting into a pair of jeans, the stupid jeans will win every time. They can't be beat, those jeans. You can't ignore them because everyone else sees them, and you can't pretend they're not important because to everyone else, those jeans are possibly the very most important thing about you.
Okay, so maybe I'm not helping. I don't think I am. I'm philosophizing in a rather depressing way, which is kind of antithetical to reaching out to my dear friend to tell her it's going to be all right because who you are matters more than what you look like. But I won't lie, either. Who you are SHOULD matter more than what you look like. It should matter ten times more. A hundred times more. But I can't say that, and mean it.
The truth is, we are all damaged by the culture we live in. Even if we try to pretend we are not. We are all compared, and brought up short by, thousands upon thousands of images of super-skinny women, and we are told we should all look just like that. Our daughters stick their fingers down their throats or they swallow laxatives by the boxful or they don't eat for three weeks, all because they have been sold for so long and so insidiously on that line - and they are so young and vulnerable - they are powerless against it, and they give in, and they want to be just like the models on the magazines, and even we grown women, looking on and shaking our heads, we ourselves are victims of the same evil beauty school.
I understand. I get it. But I don't know what to do about it. I don't think I'm much help to you right now, and I really don't think I'm doing myself any favors either. I hate the beauty image thing, but I'm part of it too.
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I don't even want to look emaciated. I just want to look fit and normal (curvy, not flabby), and I don't think it will ever happen, no matter how much weight I lose.
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