the dangers of unconditional love
I thought I had moved past all this. I should have known that its never that easy. I found his ghost again, in places I rarely think of. You know as much as it hurts I wouldn't trade it. Just knowing somewhere out there that he's okay. Even if he never knows... its probably better if he never knows... I would give my entire world to see him happy. Even as much slander, and heartbreak as its all caused, I was wrong to call him a monster. I'm always wrong... but I would rather be wrong than to give up hope. Hope for him and his future. I still pray for his health and his happiness. Even if he hates me now, and that is his right, I miss my best friend... and now I may never talk to him again... but at least I've finally accepted that it may be the case... I've stopped praying for a twist of fate or a change of heart. I just know that if he should change his mind I'd still be right here... but I doubt I should hold my breath.
I'm scared I'm walking the same old roads again, I've just slapped on a different face and a different name... I've fallen in love with an old flame, and it terrifies me. He's broken my heart not too long ago... not that it wasn't partially my fault....and now I'm starting to see patterns... the problem is I don't know if I'm seeing patterns because I WANT to see patterns... because if I see the patterns then I can keep myself safe... or if the patterns are really there, and I'm just setting myself up to chase after a man who will never love me to the same degree that I love them... I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that again... I don't know if I'm strong enough to love unconditionally, just to be thrown away again... and yet I love him... enough that I shouldn't judge him based on how many people have hurt me... right?
I'm scared I'm walking the same old roads again, I've just slapped on a different face and a different name... I've fallen in love with an old flame, and it terrifies me. He's broken my heart not too long ago... not that it wasn't partially my fault....and now I'm starting to see patterns... the problem is I don't know if I'm seeing patterns because I WANT to see patterns... because if I see the patterns then I can keep myself safe... or if the patterns are really there, and I'm just setting myself up to chase after a man who will never love me to the same degree that I love them... I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that again... I don't know if I'm strong enough to love unconditionally, just to be thrown away again... and yet I love him... enough that I shouldn't judge him based on how many people have hurt me... right?