Compound
Play this stupid game
Courtesy of Cowboy Caleb
***
On another note, I'm sick and tired of everything which has been happening all around. Already my family's in a mess; it has to be compounded with people talking behind my back, spreading rumours of me living off my boyfriend.
HELLO ASSHOLES: THANKS FOR MAKING FEEL LIKE LIKE A CELEBRITY, BUT I GUESS YOU GUYS HAVE NEVER FELT THE PAIN AND SUFFERING I'M GOING THROUGH.
Do you actually think I have a fucking choice over where I get my money just to survive by the day? For one, at least I don't sell my body. I'm not that cheap, letting people use me for their own gratification by paying me a few measly fraction of a peanut. Unlike the NKF I don't have any reserves at all. All is lost, remember?
I'm defeated.
I lost this battle; please let me not lose this war. I can't even trust family members. What makes you think I can even trust myself?
Going through this experience itself is hard enough. Going through my ordeal with people mocking me by making accusations that I voluntarily live off another person's money is almost impossible. Going through my ordeal with people mocking me by making further accusations and me not even being able to trust myself enough is about to drive me off the edge of the Swissotel Stamford this very second.
But I can't.
There is an interdependence of emotions between two individuals. There is the commitment I made to live on for as long as I can. There is the commitment I made to love and to cherish whatever I have now. There is the commitment I made to stand by each other and to continue living.
And then there is my grandmum.
Already she's old and weak, and the blow of what has happened so far is too much for her. She didn't get out of bed at all for 3 days when the news broke. All she did was either let her tears roll or stare into the ceiling. I connected with her the most as I was her favourite grandson, and coming from a Peranakan family, the males are always favoured over the girls.
I connected with her because she was the one who raised me ever since I was weaned off breast milk. She was the one who taught me to read the TV guide when I was 3. She was the one who showed me how to tell time by the time I was 5. She was the one who passed me the Peranakan traditions of food and gatherings and certain superstitions all my life.
And this afternoon she slipped and fell on the way to the toilet. Apparently she didn't notice a wet patch in the kitchen. Nothing serious, the doctor said, just sprained her wrist and ankle. She has to stay in observation for another day or two, though, just to see the fall didn't create any complications. Old age and weak bones do not make a good condition.
And I know how she hates hospitals. She refuses to even see the doctor if she fell ill.
With things compounding, I sincerely don't know what to do anymore.
Courtesy of Cowboy Caleb
***
On another note, I'm sick and tired of everything which has been happening all around. Already my family's in a mess; it has to be compounded with people talking behind my back, spreading rumours of me living off my boyfriend.
HELLO ASSHOLES: THANKS FOR MAKING FEEL LIKE LIKE A CELEBRITY, BUT I GUESS YOU GUYS HAVE NEVER FELT THE PAIN AND SUFFERING I'M GOING THROUGH.
Do you actually think I have a fucking choice over where I get my money just to survive by the day? For one, at least I don't sell my body. I'm not that cheap, letting people use me for their own gratification by paying me a few measly fraction of a peanut. Unlike the NKF I don't have any reserves at all. All is lost, remember?
I'm defeated.
I lost this battle; please let me not lose this war. I can't even trust family members. What makes you think I can even trust myself?
Going through this experience itself is hard enough. Going through my ordeal with people mocking me by making accusations that I voluntarily live off another person's money is almost impossible. Going through my ordeal with people mocking me by making further accusations and me not even being able to trust myself enough is about to drive me off the edge of the Swissotel Stamford this very second.
But I can't.
There is an interdependence of emotions between two individuals. There is the commitment I made to live on for as long as I can. There is the commitment I made to love and to cherish whatever I have now. There is the commitment I made to stand by each other and to continue living.
And then there is my grandmum.
Already she's old and weak, and the blow of what has happened so far is too much for her. She didn't get out of bed at all for 3 days when the news broke. All she did was either let her tears roll or stare into the ceiling. I connected with her the most as I was her favourite grandson, and coming from a Peranakan family, the males are always favoured over the girls.
I connected with her because she was the one who raised me ever since I was weaned off breast milk. She was the one who taught me to read the TV guide when I was 3. She was the one who showed me how to tell time by the time I was 5. She was the one who passed me the Peranakan traditions of food and gatherings and certain superstitions all my life.
And this afternoon she slipped and fell on the way to the toilet. Apparently she didn't notice a wet patch in the kitchen. Nothing serious, the doctor said, just sprained her wrist and ankle. She has to stay in observation for another day or two, though, just to see the fall didn't create any complications. Old age and weak bones do not make a good condition.
And I know how she hates hospitals. She refuses to even see the doctor if she fell ill.
With things compounding, I sincerely don't know what to do anymore.