What Happened On Monday... Or Rather Sunday Night...
I made a realisation... something which would somehow change my point of view, and make me think twice...
I realised that was seeing JL not because I like him. I was seeing JL because I love the feeling of being of being in love with JL. There's a HUUUUGGGGEE difference there...
You see, being in love with a person means you genuinely care for the person and his welfare, you want to be a part of his life because you want to be with the person. Being in love with a person and expressing your love for him when you are in love with the person is a selfless act.
On the other hand, being in love because you love the feeling of being in love is a totally different story altogether. It's like an addiction. You go out with the person, express your love for the person because you like the feeling of doing it. You're feeding on the emotional endorphins. Being in love and expressing your so-called love for him, in this case, is a selfish act. You do it because you like the feeling, not because you're genuinely in love with him.
I realised the feelings I had during the 2 weeks I was with JL was not genuine at all. When we had a misunderstanding, I felt so lost. When he was down with dengue, I was nursing him like a sick puppy. As a matter of fact, I did not go home at all, staying at the hospital with him instead. Every single breath he took was monitored (okay, I'm exaggerating here, but you get my point).
I had my realisation during Jon's birthday, actually. I was very sane during that time, even with all the mayhem which was happening all around me, and my being so busy that I didn't have much time to myself until after the whole barbecue was over.
It was like meditation; when you're most busy, you have so many things on your mind that you can't think of anything at all. You are in a state of no-thingness. In Buddhist terms, it's called shunyata (okay... it's not really that way... just illustrating a point that I was clear-headed)... And suddenly everything fell into place. It was like Nirvana. I saw the light.
I talked to JL about it, and he seems fine with it. I'm not a heartbreaker. I never was one. Most of the time it is other people who break my heart. Anyway, we're still on talking terms. He still calls me baby, and I call him dd...
For those interested (who, by the way, is no one in particular), the both of us are fine, and we're not seeing each other anymore. I just need time to get over the addiction, or wait for someone whom I can truly love because of the person that he is, not because he helps me satisfy my craving of being in love.
I realised that was seeing JL not because I like him. I was seeing JL because I love the feeling of being of being in love with JL. There's a HUUUUGGGGEE difference there...
You see, being in love with a person means you genuinely care for the person and his welfare, you want to be a part of his life because you want to be with the person. Being in love with a person and expressing your love for him when you are in love with the person is a selfless act.
On the other hand, being in love because you love the feeling of being in love is a totally different story altogether. It's like an addiction. You go out with the person, express your love for the person because you like the feeling of doing it. You're feeding on the emotional endorphins. Being in love and expressing your so-called love for him, in this case, is a selfish act. You do it because you like the feeling, not because you're genuinely in love with him.
I realised the feelings I had during the 2 weeks I was with JL was not genuine at all. When we had a misunderstanding, I felt so lost. When he was down with dengue, I was nursing him like a sick puppy. As a matter of fact, I did not go home at all, staying at the hospital with him instead. Every single breath he took was monitored (okay, I'm exaggerating here, but you get my point).
I had my realisation during Jon's birthday, actually. I was very sane during that time, even with all the mayhem which was happening all around me, and my being so busy that I didn't have much time to myself until after the whole barbecue was over.
It was like meditation; when you're most busy, you have so many things on your mind that you can't think of anything at all. You are in a state of no-thingness. In Buddhist terms, it's called shunyata (okay... it's not really that way... just illustrating a point that I was clear-headed)... And suddenly everything fell into place. It was like Nirvana. I saw the light.
I talked to JL about it, and he seems fine with it. I'm not a heartbreaker. I never was one. Most of the time it is other people who break my heart. Anyway, we're still on talking terms. He still calls me baby, and I call him dd...
For those interested (who, by the way, is no one in particular), the both of us are fine, and we're not seeing each other anymore. I just need time to get over the addiction, or wait for someone whom I can truly love because of the person that he is, not because he helps me satisfy my craving of being in love.