STILL a better script fic than 90% of the ones on FFNet
So as I said on Tumblr, thanks to Wayback Machine-magic, I found a fansite I created in 2000 -- as in, when I was twelve. And on it, I found one fic. One. And oh my God, it was glorious. Leonardo DiCaprio-versus-Gary Oak glorious.
Because I totally don't have better things to do, I'm sharing it with everyone!
Keep in mind that it's unedited save for the fact that I changed my name from one screen name to another (because I was stupid in the 90's and used my real name as a handle). So, yeah, I really couldn't spell. In my defense, proper fanfic writing practices were not a thing back then. Also in my defense, the 90's were hilarious.
So with that said, please enjoy what I apparently titled, "What Happens When Another Person Writes the Fic." Or as I like to call it as of now, "That One Fic Where Sailor Venus Fights Britney Spears Because Ash Ketchum Made Them Do It."
(Author's Note: At the first part of the fic, it's in story form and ChibiMouse tells it. When you suddenly see (" and "), that's Ash. [Like it always is.] After a few lines, you see it in script form. In (* and *) is just movements. Oh, and I do NOT own Pokemon. It belongs to Nintendo, Game Freak, and other companies that I've forgotten the names of! Enjoy the fic!)
As our story starts......
("Can I please ask you for a little favor?")
Ash?! What are you doing here?! Wait until I cue you, Misty, Brock, Togepi, and Pikachu!
("But I'd like to ask you for a favor.")
Oh, okay. What?
("I'd like to write the fic.")
WHAT?! YOU WANT TO WRITE THE FIC?!
("Yeah. Just this once.")
Absolutely NOT!!!!!
("Come on. I bet I could write a fic just as funny, dramatic, and packed with action as you can.")
Are you saying you can do a better job than I can?
("No.....Well, actually maybe.")
Fine then! The rest of the fic is all yours! But if you don't write a decent fic, then you have to let me write a fic for and about you. (*Heeheehee*)
("DEAL!")

*Beggining of Ash's Fic*
("Okay, let's see.....First of all, we need characters. Since I can't be two places at once, I'd like to put Gary in charge. Oh my gosh, did I just say that?!")
(*Gary appears*)
Gary: Well, I can't believe that a loser is writing the fic and I, Gary Oak, have to act out the stupid scenes.
("One more word and I'll turn you into a girl!")
Gary: Like I was saying.....Ash is the best!
("Thank you, Gary. Okay, I'm definately putting Brock in.")
(*Brock appears*)
Brock: Hey! How about Misty?
("If I gave you Mina from Sailor Moon, would you forget about Misty?")
(*Mina appears holding Artemis, both looking confused.*)
Mina: Why am I suddenly here?
Brock: (*Hearts for eyes.*) Uh....who's Misty?
("That's an odd group, but it's still a group of characters. Now, Gary's gonna have to take care of Pikachu....")
(*Pikachu appears in Gary's arms*)
Gary: Now wait a sec....
Pikachu: Pik....a....CHU!!!!
(*Pikachu thunderbolts Gary*)
("Comedy part one complete. Okay, scene. The scene is.......On a road near Pallet Town.")
(*Scene appears around them.*)
("Great. Now, we'll have Gary, Mina, and Brock battle......Leo DiCaprio, Brittney Spears, and Ramna from Ramna 1/2.")
Gary, Mina, & Brock: WHAT?!
("Don't worry, it's my fic. They're all Pokemon trainers.")
Mina: How about me? I don't have any Pokemon.
("I'll lend you mine.")
(*A pile of Pokeballs appear in front of Mina. Leo DiCaprio, Brittney Spears, and Ranma appear in front of the group.*)
Leo: Since when do I do cameos on cartoons? I know this isn't on my contract.
Brittney: Yeah. And I don't do cameos either.
Ranma: Shut up and go along with the fic.
("Battle one: Gary versus Leo. This should be interesting.")
Gary: Okay, Arcanine, go!
Leo: Pokeball go!
(*Arcanine and a Gloom appear*)
Gary: Hey, where did you get these Pokemon from, Ash?
("I sorta borrowed gym leaders'.")
Gary: Whatever. Arcanine, Fire Blast!
Leo: Uh....Gloom.....uh.....Solar...
(*Arcanine's Fire Blast hits Gloom before Leo could think of an attack.*)
Leo: Gloom, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Weepinbell appears*)
Gary: Arcanine, bite it!
Leo: Weepinbell, Razor Leaf!
(*Weepinbell's Razor Leaf stops and hurts Arcanine.*)
Gary: Arcanine, return! Rhydon, go!
(*A Rhydon appears.*)
Gary: Rhydon, horn drill!
(*Rhydon's horn drill defeats Weepinbell*)
Leo: Okay, here's my last Pokemon. Pokeball, go!
(*A Tangela appears.*)
Leo: Tangela, Vine Whip!
Gary: Rhydon, Body Slam!
(*Tangela's Vine Whip does not affect Rhydon, but Rhydon's Body Slam does.*)
("And Gary wins! Woohoo! {I never thought I'd say that.}")
Leo: Tangela, return!
Gary: Rhydon, return!
("Battle two: Brock versus Britney!")
Brock: Aww man! I get a chance to ask Britney Spears out on a date, and I have to battle her!
Ranma: Hey, maybe she'll marry you like Shampoo has to!
(*Shampoo walks by. Ramna steps behind a nearby tree.*)
Brock: (*Sighs*) Onix, go!
Britney: Pokeball, go!
(*An Onix and a Psyduck appear.*)
Brock: A Psyduck?
(*In a place far from there*)
Misty: Hey! Where did all of my Pokemon go?!
(*Back at the battlefield*)
Brock: Onix, Body Slam!
Britney: Uh oh! Psyduck, attack with anything! I don't care what attack you use!
Psyduck: Psy?
(*Onix's Body Slam hits Psyduck.*)
Britney: Psyduck, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Goldeen appears and just flops around.*)
Britney: Oops! Goldeen, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Starmie appears*)
Britney: Now that's more like it! Starmie, Water Gun!
(*Starmie's Water Gun weakens Onix.*)
Britney: Starmie, Tackle Attack!
(*Starmie hits Onix. Onix is defeated. {Come on folks. Rock type Pokemon are weak against Water types.}*)
Brock: Onix, return! Hmmm......Rock type Pokemon are weak against Water types, so I can't use Geodude. Ah! Zubat, go!
(*Zubat appears.*)
Britney: Starmie, use another Tackle attack!
Brock: Zubat, Supersonic!
(*Zubat's Supersonic confuses Starmie.*)
Brock: Zubat, Razor wind attack! (*Is that one of Zubat's attacks?*)
(*Zubat's Whirlwind causes Starmie to slam into a nearby tree.*)
Britney: Starmie, return! Last Pokemon! Pokeball, go!
(*A Staryu appears.*)
Britney: Staryu, Water Gun at full blast!
(*Staryu's Water Gun causes Zubat to slam into Leo. Leo is knocked down and so is the Zubat.*)
("Woohoo!")
Brock: Zubat, return! Vulpix, go!
(*A Vulpix appears*)
Brock: Vulpix, Fire Spin!
(*Vulpix's Fire Spin easily burns Staryu into a crisp.*)
Brock: Vulpix, return!
Britney: Staryu, return!
Brock: Does this still mess up any chance of you going out with me?
Britney: SHUT UP!
("Third and final battle: Mina versus Ranma!")
Mina: Pokeball, go!
Ranma: Pokeball, go!
(*A Squirtle appears in front of Mina, and a Ninetails appears in front of Ranma.*)
Mina: Squirtle, Water Gun!
Ranma: Ninetails, get out of the way!
(*Squirtle's Water Gun attack misses Ninetails, but hits Ranma. Ranma turns into a girl.*)
("Well, this is interesting.")
Ranma: Ninetails, BURN THAT SQUIRTLE WITH A FIRE SPIN!
Mina: Squirtle, fight it with another Water Gun!
(*Ninetails' Fire Spin is exstinguished by Squirtle's Water Gun. It also goes down Ninetails' throat, so only small clouds of smoke come out of its mouth.*)
Ranma: Ninetails, bite and scratch Squirtle!
Mina: Squirtle, Scull Bash!
(*Squirtle's Scull Bash defeats Ninetails.*)
Ranma: Nintails, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Rhydon appears.*)
Mina: This will be easy. Squirtle, weaken Rhydon with a Water Gun!
(*Squirtle's Water Gun weakens Rhydon.*)
Mina: Squirtle, you can finish it easily with a Scull Bash!
(*Squirtle's Scull Bash really does defeat Rhydon.*)
Mina: Wow, you really DON'T know how to fight.
Ranma: Rhydon, return! Pokeball, go!
(*Magmar appears.*)
Ranma: Magmar, Fire Blast!
Mina: Squirtle, get in your shell!
(*Squirtle disappears into its shell, and Magmar's Fire Blast doesn't affect it.*)
Mina: Squirtle, aim your Water Gun at Magmar's mouth!
(*Squirtle aims its Water Gun at Magmar's throat and fires. Small puffs of smoke comes out of Magmar's mouth like Ninetails'.*)
Ranma: Magmar, return! Guys, we've lost! That was my last Pokemon!
Leo: Let's get out of here before anything else happens!
Britney: Good idea!
(*Ranma, Leo, and Britney run away.*)
Gary: So, what do we do now?
("I think that's the end of the fic.")
Mina: Great! I need to get back to Tokyo. Come on, Artimis!
Brock: Before you go, would you like to, you know, go out to dinner in Pallet Town and maybe a movie?
Mina: Sure!
(*Artimis jumps into Mina's arms and they walk away with Brock.*)
Gary: Okay, where are my girls at?
(*A red convertable pulls up and Gary hops in. His cheering section cheers and the convertable pulls out of sight as "Where My Girls At" by 702 plays.*)
(*End of fic and script section*)

("What did you think of it?")
You don't know how pathetic I thought that was.
("Oh....um....heheheh.....")
Now you have to do the part of our deal that says that I can write anything about you that I want, and put you in any fic that I want.
("Uh........")

(*ChibiMouse’s fic and start of new script section.*)
(*In a park, a cute little girl in a cute pink dress with cute blonde hair walks by Misty.*)
Misty: Why hello........Ashley!
Ashley: I do NOT know why I got stuck dressed up as a girl.
ChibiMouse: Okay, Misty! Do whatever you want to do!
Misty: (*Takes out mallet*) And this is for replacing me with a girl who does not even know what a Pokemon is!
(*Misty chases Ash{ley} through the park.*)
(*Jessie, James, and Meowth appear*)
Jessie: Prepare for trouble!
Meowth: Forget the motto!
James: Yeah! I think he tried to replace me with Leonardo DiCaprio!
Jessie: (*Blushing*) I kinda liked that.....
Meowth: He replaced you with Britney Spears......
Jessie: WHAT?! Prepare for trouble is right! Let's get him!
(*Jessie, James, and Meowth join Misty in chasing ~a now wig-less~ Ash{ley}.*)
ChibiMouse: Well, that's it! Hope you enjoyed it!
Ash: I sure didn't....
Misty: There he is! Let's get him!
(*Ash screams and runs from Misty and Team Rocket.*)
(*The End ^o^*)
This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/120407.html.
Because I totally don't have better things to do, I'm sharing it with everyone!
Keep in mind that it's unedited save for the fact that I changed my name from one screen name to another (because I was stupid in the 90's and used my real name as a handle). So, yeah, I really couldn't spell. In my defense, proper fanfic writing practices were not a thing back then. Also in my defense, the 90's were hilarious.
So with that said, please enjoy what I apparently titled, "What Happens When Another Person Writes the Fic." Or as I like to call it as of now, "That One Fic Where Sailor Venus Fights Britney Spears Because Ash Ketchum Made Them Do It."
(Author's Note: At the first part of the fic, it's in story form and ChibiMouse tells it. When you suddenly see (" and "), that's Ash. [Like it always is.] After a few lines, you see it in script form. In (* and *) is just movements. Oh, and I do NOT own Pokemon. It belongs to Nintendo, Game Freak, and other companies that I've forgotten the names of! Enjoy the fic!)
As our story starts......
("Can I please ask you for a little favor?")
Ash?! What are you doing here?! Wait until I cue you, Misty, Brock, Togepi, and Pikachu!
("But I'd like to ask you for a favor.")
Oh, okay. What?
("I'd like to write the fic.")
WHAT?! YOU WANT TO WRITE THE FIC?!
("Yeah. Just this once.")
Absolutely NOT!!!!!
("Come on. I bet I could write a fic just as funny, dramatic, and packed with action as you can.")
Are you saying you can do a better job than I can?
("No.....Well, actually maybe.")
Fine then! The rest of the fic is all yours! But if you don't write a decent fic, then you have to let me write a fic for and about you. (*Heeheehee*)
("DEAL!")

*Beggining of Ash's Fic*
("Okay, let's see.....First of all, we need characters. Since I can't be two places at once, I'd like to put Gary in charge. Oh my gosh, did I just say that?!")
(*Gary appears*)
Gary: Well, I can't believe that a loser is writing the fic and I, Gary Oak, have to act out the stupid scenes.
("One more word and I'll turn you into a girl!")
Gary: Like I was saying.....Ash is the best!
("Thank you, Gary. Okay, I'm definately putting Brock in.")
(*Brock appears*)
Brock: Hey! How about Misty?
("If I gave you Mina from Sailor Moon, would you forget about Misty?")
(*Mina appears holding Artemis, both looking confused.*)
Mina: Why am I suddenly here?
Brock: (*Hearts for eyes.*) Uh....who's Misty?
("That's an odd group, but it's still a group of characters. Now, Gary's gonna have to take care of Pikachu....")
(*Pikachu appears in Gary's arms*)
Gary: Now wait a sec....
Pikachu: Pik....a....CHU!!!!
(*Pikachu thunderbolts Gary*)
("Comedy part one complete. Okay, scene. The scene is.......On a road near Pallet Town.")
(*Scene appears around them.*)
("Great. Now, we'll have Gary, Mina, and Brock battle......Leo DiCaprio, Brittney Spears, and Ramna from Ramna 1/2.")
Gary, Mina, & Brock: WHAT?!
("Don't worry, it's my fic. They're all Pokemon trainers.")
Mina: How about me? I don't have any Pokemon.
("I'll lend you mine.")
(*A pile of Pokeballs appear in front of Mina. Leo DiCaprio, Brittney Spears, and Ranma appear in front of the group.*)
Leo: Since when do I do cameos on cartoons? I know this isn't on my contract.
Brittney: Yeah. And I don't do cameos either.
Ranma: Shut up and go along with the fic.
("Battle one: Gary versus Leo. This should be interesting.")
Gary: Okay, Arcanine, go!
Leo: Pokeball go!
(*Arcanine and a Gloom appear*)
Gary: Hey, where did you get these Pokemon from, Ash?
("I sorta borrowed gym leaders'.")
Gary: Whatever. Arcanine, Fire Blast!
Leo: Uh....Gloom.....uh.....Solar...
(*Arcanine's Fire Blast hits Gloom before Leo could think of an attack.*)
Leo: Gloom, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Weepinbell appears*)
Gary: Arcanine, bite it!
Leo: Weepinbell, Razor Leaf!
(*Weepinbell's Razor Leaf stops and hurts Arcanine.*)
Gary: Arcanine, return! Rhydon, go!
(*A Rhydon appears.*)
Gary: Rhydon, horn drill!
(*Rhydon's horn drill defeats Weepinbell*)
Leo: Okay, here's my last Pokemon. Pokeball, go!
(*A Tangela appears.*)
Leo: Tangela, Vine Whip!
Gary: Rhydon, Body Slam!
(*Tangela's Vine Whip does not affect Rhydon, but Rhydon's Body Slam does.*)
("And Gary wins! Woohoo! {I never thought I'd say that.}")
Leo: Tangela, return!
Gary: Rhydon, return!
("Battle two: Brock versus Britney!")
Brock: Aww man! I get a chance to ask Britney Spears out on a date, and I have to battle her!
Ranma: Hey, maybe she'll marry you like Shampoo has to!
(*Shampoo walks by. Ramna steps behind a nearby tree.*)
Brock: (*Sighs*) Onix, go!
Britney: Pokeball, go!
(*An Onix and a Psyduck appear.*)
Brock: A Psyduck?
(*In a place far from there*)
Misty: Hey! Where did all of my Pokemon go?!
(*Back at the battlefield*)
Brock: Onix, Body Slam!
Britney: Uh oh! Psyduck, attack with anything! I don't care what attack you use!
Psyduck: Psy?
(*Onix's Body Slam hits Psyduck.*)
Britney: Psyduck, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Goldeen appears and just flops around.*)
Britney: Oops! Goldeen, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Starmie appears*)
Britney: Now that's more like it! Starmie, Water Gun!
(*Starmie's Water Gun weakens Onix.*)
Britney: Starmie, Tackle Attack!
(*Starmie hits Onix. Onix is defeated. {Come on folks. Rock type Pokemon are weak against Water types.}*)
Brock: Onix, return! Hmmm......Rock type Pokemon are weak against Water types, so I can't use Geodude. Ah! Zubat, go!
(*Zubat appears.*)
Britney: Starmie, use another Tackle attack!
Brock: Zubat, Supersonic!
(*Zubat's Supersonic confuses Starmie.*)
Brock: Zubat, Razor wind attack! (*Is that one of Zubat's attacks?*)
(*Zubat's Whirlwind causes Starmie to slam into a nearby tree.*)
Britney: Starmie, return! Last Pokemon! Pokeball, go!
(*A Staryu appears.*)
Britney: Staryu, Water Gun at full blast!
(*Staryu's Water Gun causes Zubat to slam into Leo. Leo is knocked down and so is the Zubat.*)
("Woohoo!")
Brock: Zubat, return! Vulpix, go!
(*A Vulpix appears*)
Brock: Vulpix, Fire Spin!
(*Vulpix's Fire Spin easily burns Staryu into a crisp.*)
Brock: Vulpix, return!
Britney: Staryu, return!
Brock: Does this still mess up any chance of you going out with me?
Britney: SHUT UP!
("Third and final battle: Mina versus Ranma!")
Mina: Pokeball, go!
Ranma: Pokeball, go!
(*A Squirtle appears in front of Mina, and a Ninetails appears in front of Ranma.*)
Mina: Squirtle, Water Gun!
Ranma: Ninetails, get out of the way!
(*Squirtle's Water Gun attack misses Ninetails, but hits Ranma. Ranma turns into a girl.*)
("Well, this is interesting.")
Ranma: Ninetails, BURN THAT SQUIRTLE WITH A FIRE SPIN!
Mina: Squirtle, fight it with another Water Gun!
(*Ninetails' Fire Spin is exstinguished by Squirtle's Water Gun. It also goes down Ninetails' throat, so only small clouds of smoke come out of its mouth.*)
Ranma: Ninetails, bite and scratch Squirtle!
Mina: Squirtle, Scull Bash!
(*Squirtle's Scull Bash defeats Ninetails.*)
Ranma: Nintails, return! Pokeball, go!
(*A Rhydon appears.*)
Mina: This will be easy. Squirtle, weaken Rhydon with a Water Gun!
(*Squirtle's Water Gun weakens Rhydon.*)
Mina: Squirtle, you can finish it easily with a Scull Bash!
(*Squirtle's Scull Bash really does defeat Rhydon.*)
Mina: Wow, you really DON'T know how to fight.
Ranma: Rhydon, return! Pokeball, go!
(*Magmar appears.*)
Ranma: Magmar, Fire Blast!
Mina: Squirtle, get in your shell!
(*Squirtle disappears into its shell, and Magmar's Fire Blast doesn't affect it.*)
Mina: Squirtle, aim your Water Gun at Magmar's mouth!
(*Squirtle aims its Water Gun at Magmar's throat and fires. Small puffs of smoke comes out of Magmar's mouth like Ninetails'.*)
Ranma: Magmar, return! Guys, we've lost! That was my last Pokemon!
Leo: Let's get out of here before anything else happens!
Britney: Good idea!
(*Ranma, Leo, and Britney run away.*)
Gary: So, what do we do now?
("I think that's the end of the fic.")
Mina: Great! I need to get back to Tokyo. Come on, Artimis!
Brock: Before you go, would you like to, you know, go out to dinner in Pallet Town and maybe a movie?
Mina: Sure!
(*Artimis jumps into Mina's arms and they walk away with Brock.*)
Gary: Okay, where are my girls at?
(*A red convertable pulls up and Gary hops in. His cheering section cheers and the convertable pulls out of sight as "Where My Girls At" by 702 plays.*)
(*End of fic and script section*)

("What did you think of it?")
You don't know how pathetic I thought that was.
("Oh....um....heheheh.....")
Now you have to do the part of our deal that says that I can write anything about you that I want, and put you in any fic that I want.
("Uh........")

(*ChibiMouse’s fic and start of new script section.*)
(*In a park, a cute little girl in a cute pink dress with cute blonde hair walks by Misty.*)
Misty: Why hello........Ashley!
Ashley: I do NOT know why I got stuck dressed up as a girl.
ChibiMouse: Okay, Misty! Do whatever you want to do!
Misty: (*Takes out mallet*) And this is for replacing me with a girl who does not even know what a Pokemon is!
(*Misty chases Ash{ley} through the park.*)
(*Jessie, James, and Meowth appear*)
Jessie: Prepare for trouble!
Meowth: Forget the motto!
James: Yeah! I think he tried to replace me with Leonardo DiCaprio!
Jessie: (*Blushing*) I kinda liked that.....
Meowth: He replaced you with Britney Spears......
Jessie: WHAT?! Prepare for trouble is right! Let's get him!
(*Jessie, James, and Meowth join Misty in chasing ~a now wig-less~ Ash{ley}.*)
ChibiMouse: Well, that's it! Hope you enjoyed it!
Ash: I sure didn't....
Misty: There he is! Let's get him!
(*Ash screams and runs from Misty and Team Rocket.*)
(*The End ^o^*)
This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/120407.html.