Matters of sexuality, both serious and non.
1. It is day three (technically) of NaNoWriMo, and while I've started Demodokos & Lila in a notebook, I've not written anything on the computer. Moreover, I've barely written anything at all, and I'm now inclined to believe that I'm not even going to make it to 50k this month. I'll settle for 10k, really. There's just too much to do. (Two papers, one project, one blog entry for the job, one beta, supposed to be job hunting for something more substantial than current job, et cetera.)
2. This conversation happened over IM tonight. It is, in fact, relevant to the fandomy interests:
(1:40:30 AM) Jax: Random, but evidently, the subject of my sexuality is a lot more complicated than I originally thought. Looking at pictures of this one actor. Thinking about all the male/male UST scenes in his movies. Getting just a little turned on. (On the other hand, I'm struggling to answer whether or not I'd actually run away screaming if I saw a full frontal of him. And also, Murphy's Law says any guy I happen to think looks like eye candy turns out to be a massive douche in real life.)
(1:40:51 AM) Jax: But good god, those eyes.
(1:40:51 AM) Dani: XDDDDD
(1:40:55 AM) Dani: Also things to consider.
(1:41:00 AM) Dani: But yeah, the frontal...
(1:41:06 AM) Dani: That is something you can't really uh…avoid.
(1:41:07 AM) Dani: XD
(1:41:21 AM) Jax: Yeah. (Especially in French cinema. *shot!*)
(1:41:29 AM) Dani: HRGH
(1:41:32 AM) Dani: …FORESKINS JAX
(1:42:00 AM) Jax: Dude. Not just the foreskin. Even if you were CIRCUMCISED, penises are ugly and terrifying.
(1:42:07 AM) Jax: IMO, at least.
(1:42:38 AM) Dani: I think foreskins make them worse, though. ;_;
(1:43:16 AM) Jax: Oh yes. ;_; The germs notwithstanding, just imagining it unsheathing.
(1:43:18 AM) Jax: Like this worm.
(1:43:21 AM) Jax: Crawling out of a hole.
(1:43:24 AM) Jax: ....
(1:43:26 AM) Dani: ....
(1:43:35 AM) Dani: *offers brain bleach*
(1:43:41 AM) Jax: ;_; *ACCEPTS READILY*
(1:45:01 AM) Jax: Okay, so I'm terrified of penis, but I'm getting turned on by staring at the image of a shirtless man and imagining all of the dodgy scenes his characters have had with other male characters. I'm only curious as to what that says about me.
(1:45:30 AM) Dani: Well, men can be fun to look at...
(1:45:34 AM) Dani: If you avoid the nether regions.
(1:45:41 AM) Dani: Also, Jax.
(1:45:44 AM) Dani: I hate to inform you of this grave news, but.
(1:45:46 AM) Dani: BILL HAS A PENIS.
(1:46:05 AM) Jax: Pfft. PEOPLE IN ANIME DO NOT HAVE GENITALIA OUTSIDE OF HENTAI.
(1:47:13 AM) Jax: They're born from cherry blossoms. That's why you constantly see sakura petals flying around in shoujo anime.
(1:47:28 AM) Jax: BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU SEE A SCREEN FULL OF THAT, TEN ANIME KIDS ARE SPRINGING OUT OF CHERRY BLOSSOMS.
(1:47:33 AM) Dani: POKEMON ISN'T SHOUJO, JAX.
(1:47:39 AM) Jax: CLOSE ENOUGH.
(1:48:18 AM) Jax: And now I'm imagining Bill explaining sex to Ash. Thank you, Dani.
(1:49:50 AM) Dani: ...
(1:49:58 AM) Dani: …I'm imagining Ash looking all...
(1:50:00 AM) Dani: INQUISITIVE
(1:50:20 AM) Jax: In my mind, Bill is using puppets to demonstrate. Hilarity ensues.
(1:53:52 AM) Dani: …you know you have to write this, now, right?
(1:54:15 AM) Jax: PROBABLY.
(1:54:44 AM) Jax: It'll probably involve multiple characters trying to teach Ash about sex. I'm just imagining how Brock would explain it.
(1:54:54 AM) Jax: (Only BROCK DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SEX EITHER.)
(1:55:17 AM) Dani: ….TRYIN AND FAILING THEN
(1:55:41 AM) Jax: EXACTLY.
(1:58:30 AM) Jax: And then the only one to successfully explain the concept to him should be Max or something ridiculous like that.
(1:58:50 AM) Dani: …oh god why
(1:59:25 AM) Dani: …WRITE THIS
(1:59:27 AM) Dani: *peers at you*
(1:59:30 AM) Jax: OKAY.
But seriously, fun fact about my sexuality: I have no idea! \o/ As far as I can tell, yes, I like girls. I feel more comfortable with girls, and I can imagine myself in relationships with girls. I also have the unfortunate handicap that is penis aversion in that if I see a penis, I feel automatic revulsion towards it. This is actually a serious phenomenon with me. Childish notions of "OMG IT'S GROSS" aside, the thought of a penis kills my libido, and in some circumstances, thinking about one actually makes me physically ill, as if it's actually a squick. Yes, I've seen enough penises (both in real life and in images) to figure this out. And it actually doesn't matter whether you're circumcised or not to me. I mean, I'm not going to argue about the accuracy of any fact related to circumcision because, honestly, it won't matter to me. (And I know some of you kids on my flist are very much anti-circumcision, which I respect, so I'd like to get that out of the way before people jump about the circumcision comments in the chat log.) A penis is a penis, and if you put one near me, I'm done. I honestly can't help that, and it doesn't mean by any extent that I hate guys.
In fact, I actually like guys on a level if I don't think about what's between their legs. I think guys make sufficient eye candy for me, and sometimes, I feel something that's akin to a crush, even though I actually don't want to hop into bed with a man or, with some of these crushes, even date them. I just think they're beautiful, and I feel this immense sense of happiness looking at them. I don't even know what you would call that, but hey.
So, the overcomplicated story is I want to have relationships and make love with women. But on the other hand, I think men are beautiful, and I'm perfectly capable of getting turned on by looking at them or thinking about them (or most of their anatomy, anyway). I'm certain I'm not a unique case of this, though, but even so, I don't know what you would call that. Part of me feels a little embarrassed by it because I've been an outed lesbian since the end of college, and the fact that I can feel an immense amount of attraction towards a man makes me feel like I'm missing the point of being gay. On the other hand, I don't think I can honestly call it bisexuality because I don't think I'm capable of feeling attracted enough to a man to form a relationship or have sex with him. But I do think that I'm capable of loving a man, just not in the same way as a woman. What do you call the kind of love where you just want to admire a person from a distance with absolutely no fantasies or notions beyond "oh God I'm content just looking at them if you know what I mean"? And it's still love, I think, because it's a strong emotion, not just the kind of "I think they're hot" a teenage girl affords to everyone with a penis.
Man, fuck this language, no pun intended.
In any case, for those of you wondering, the actor in question is Louis Garrel, who I've been aware of thanks to Les Chansons D'Amour. I've only been able to see that film (which is a mediocre film but still really fucking hot) and a few clips of various other roles he's played, and... damn. Like I said on FB, I love his characters, I love his voice, and I love the expressions he makes. (I have a thing for eyes, and damn, he's got such gorgeous eyes! Seriously make me melt every single time I look at them.) But like I said to Dani, the way Murphy's Law works is that the moment I think that way about an actor, it turns out they're massive ass holes in real life. So I honestly want to find out what kind of reputation he has in French culture (beyond the screaming fangirls he has on YouTube), but there's the unfortunate barrier that is the fact that I can't read French.
...So now I want to learn French. For probably terrible reasons.
But seriously, totally worth it. I mean, really, Mr. Garrel, for your viewing pleasure, ladies and gentlemen.
Those eyes. I feel a little warm inside just looking at them.
...It probably doesn't really help that most of the clips people put on YouTube involve him making out with someone, having sex, or prancing around shirtless. I can't tell if this is just normal for French film or if this is just what France thinks of him. Not that I'm complaining.
Edit: Oh. Well then.
3. Incredibly awkward topics aside, slightly random plot bunny and more angst in the Pokémon fandom:
So, I've thought about doing a rant involving why I don't particularly care for Bill/Daisy, but seriously, that needs its own post. Let's just say I don't like how difficult it is to find anything but Bill/Daisy, and I feel like their relationship was contrived anyway.
That said, plot bunny. Going back to my haterade with Bill/Daisy, I wondered if it was possible to resolve the conflict between both halves and create this huge and dramatic fic that teashippers and prodigyshippers might enjoy while exploring all the WTFery of sexuality. And then I thought "threesome."
Which is to say, I took a few cues from the first part of Les Chansons D'Amour. Maybe make it AU for once because of headcanon. Bill and Lanette would probably start off with a rocky relationship. Bill meets Daisy at some point, starts an affair with her, tries to keep it a secret and fails (note: not actually a summary of the movie this was inspired by, kids), only to have Lanette suggest that they have a threesome (instead of bitchslapping Bill to the moon) because she doesn't want to give Bill the satisfaction of being right about anything, including what she would do if she found out. That and she happens to click well with Daisy. So, insert menage a trois shenanigans here.
Until Lanette and Daisy pull this and turn it into hot girl-on-girl action/angstfest because why not? It would be glorious.
2. This conversation happened over IM tonight. It is, in fact, relevant to the fandomy interests:
(1:40:30 AM) Jax: Random, but evidently, the subject of my sexuality is a lot more complicated than I originally thought. Looking at pictures of this one actor. Thinking about all the male/male UST scenes in his movies. Getting just a little turned on. (On the other hand, I'm struggling to answer whether or not I'd actually run away screaming if I saw a full frontal of him. And also, Murphy's Law says any guy I happen to think looks like eye candy turns out to be a massive douche in real life.)
(1:40:51 AM) Jax: But good god, those eyes.
(1:40:51 AM) Dani: XDDDDD
(1:40:55 AM) Dani: Also things to consider.
(1:41:00 AM) Dani: But yeah, the frontal...
(1:41:06 AM) Dani: That is something you can't really uh…avoid.
(1:41:07 AM) Dani: XD
(1:41:21 AM) Jax: Yeah. (Especially in French cinema. *shot!*)
(1:41:29 AM) Dani: HRGH
(1:41:32 AM) Dani: …FORESKINS JAX
(1:42:00 AM) Jax: Dude. Not just the foreskin. Even if you were CIRCUMCISED, penises are ugly and terrifying.
(1:42:07 AM) Jax: IMO, at least.
(1:42:38 AM) Dani: I think foreskins make them worse, though. ;_;
(1:43:16 AM) Jax: Oh yes. ;_; The germs notwithstanding, just imagining it unsheathing.
(1:43:18 AM) Jax: Like this worm.
(1:43:21 AM) Jax: Crawling out of a hole.
(1:43:24 AM) Jax: ....
(1:43:26 AM) Dani: ....
(1:43:35 AM) Dani: *offers brain bleach*
(1:43:41 AM) Jax: ;_; *ACCEPTS READILY*
(1:45:01 AM) Jax: Okay, so I'm terrified of penis, but I'm getting turned on by staring at the image of a shirtless man and imagining all of the dodgy scenes his characters have had with other male characters. I'm only curious as to what that says about me.
(1:45:30 AM) Dani: Well, men can be fun to look at...
(1:45:34 AM) Dani: If you avoid the nether regions.
(1:45:41 AM) Dani: Also, Jax.
(1:45:44 AM) Dani: I hate to inform you of this grave news, but.
(1:45:46 AM) Dani: BILL HAS A PENIS.
(1:46:05 AM) Jax: Pfft. PEOPLE IN ANIME DO NOT HAVE GENITALIA OUTSIDE OF HENTAI.
(1:47:13 AM) Jax: They're born from cherry blossoms. That's why you constantly see sakura petals flying around in shoujo anime.
(1:47:28 AM) Jax: BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU SEE A SCREEN FULL OF THAT, TEN ANIME KIDS ARE SPRINGING OUT OF CHERRY BLOSSOMS.
(1:47:33 AM) Dani: POKEMON ISN'T SHOUJO, JAX.
(1:47:39 AM) Jax: CLOSE ENOUGH.
(1:48:18 AM) Jax: And now I'm imagining Bill explaining sex to Ash. Thank you, Dani.
(1:49:50 AM) Dani: ...
(1:49:58 AM) Dani: …I'm imagining Ash looking all...
(1:50:00 AM) Dani: INQUISITIVE
(1:50:20 AM) Jax: In my mind, Bill is using puppets to demonstrate. Hilarity ensues.
(1:53:52 AM) Dani: …you know you have to write this, now, right?
(1:54:15 AM) Jax: PROBABLY.
(1:54:44 AM) Jax: It'll probably involve multiple characters trying to teach Ash about sex. I'm just imagining how Brock would explain it.
(1:54:54 AM) Jax: (Only BROCK DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SEX EITHER.)
(1:55:17 AM) Dani: ….TRYIN AND FAILING THEN
(1:55:41 AM) Jax: EXACTLY.
(1:58:30 AM) Jax: And then the only one to successfully explain the concept to him should be Max or something ridiculous like that.
(1:58:50 AM) Dani: …oh god why
(1:59:25 AM) Dani: …WRITE THIS
(1:59:27 AM) Dani: *peers at you*
(1:59:30 AM) Jax: OKAY.
But seriously, fun fact about my sexuality: I have no idea! \o/ As far as I can tell, yes, I like girls. I feel more comfortable with girls, and I can imagine myself in relationships with girls. I also have the unfortunate handicap that is penis aversion in that if I see a penis, I feel automatic revulsion towards it. This is actually a serious phenomenon with me. Childish notions of "OMG IT'S GROSS" aside, the thought of a penis kills my libido, and in some circumstances, thinking about one actually makes me physically ill, as if it's actually a squick. Yes, I've seen enough penises (both in real life and in images) to figure this out. And it actually doesn't matter whether you're circumcised or not to me. I mean, I'm not going to argue about the accuracy of any fact related to circumcision because, honestly, it won't matter to me. (And I know some of you kids on my flist are very much anti-circumcision, which I respect, so I'd like to get that out of the way before people jump about the circumcision comments in the chat log.) A penis is a penis, and if you put one near me, I'm done. I honestly can't help that, and it doesn't mean by any extent that I hate guys.
In fact, I actually like guys on a level if I don't think about what's between their legs. I think guys make sufficient eye candy for me, and sometimes, I feel something that's akin to a crush, even though I actually don't want to hop into bed with a man or, with some of these crushes, even date them. I just think they're beautiful, and I feel this immense sense of happiness looking at them. I don't even know what you would call that, but hey.
So, the overcomplicated story is I want to have relationships and make love with women. But on the other hand, I think men are beautiful, and I'm perfectly capable of getting turned on by looking at them or thinking about them (or most of their anatomy, anyway). I'm certain I'm not a unique case of this, though, but even so, I don't know what you would call that. Part of me feels a little embarrassed by it because I've been an outed lesbian since the end of college, and the fact that I can feel an immense amount of attraction towards a man makes me feel like I'm missing the point of being gay. On the other hand, I don't think I can honestly call it bisexuality because I don't think I'm capable of feeling attracted enough to a man to form a relationship or have sex with him. But I do think that I'm capable of loving a man, just not in the same way as a woman. What do you call the kind of love where you just want to admire a person from a distance with absolutely no fantasies or notions beyond "oh God I'm content just looking at them if you know what I mean"? And it's still love, I think, because it's a strong emotion, not just the kind of "I think they're hot" a teenage girl affords to everyone with a penis.
Man, fuck this language, no pun intended.
In any case, for those of you wondering, the actor in question is Louis Garrel, who I've been aware of thanks to Les Chansons D'Amour. I've only been able to see that film (which is a mediocre film but still really fucking hot) and a few clips of various other roles he's played, and... damn. Like I said on FB, I love his characters, I love his voice, and I love the expressions he makes. (I have a thing for eyes, and damn, he's got such gorgeous eyes! Seriously make me melt every single time I look at them.) But like I said to Dani, the way Murphy's Law works is that the moment I think that way about an actor, it turns out they're massive ass holes in real life. So I honestly want to find out what kind of reputation he has in French culture (beyond the screaming fangirls he has on YouTube), but there's the unfortunate barrier that is the fact that I can't read French.
...So now I want to learn French. For probably terrible reasons.
But seriously, totally worth it. I mean, really, Mr. Garrel, for your viewing pleasure, ladies and gentlemen.
Those eyes. I feel a little warm inside just looking at them.
...It probably doesn't really help that most of the clips people put on YouTube involve him making out with someone, having sex, or prancing around shirtless. I can't tell if this is just normal for French film or if this is just what France thinks of him. Not that I'm complaining.
Edit: Oh. Well then.
3. Incredibly awkward topics aside, slightly random plot bunny and more angst in the Pokémon fandom:
So, I've thought about doing a rant involving why I don't particularly care for Bill/Daisy, but seriously, that needs its own post. Let's just say I don't like how difficult it is to find anything but Bill/Daisy, and I feel like their relationship was contrived anyway.
That said, plot bunny. Going back to my haterade with Bill/Daisy, I wondered if it was possible to resolve the conflict between both halves and create this huge and dramatic fic that teashippers and prodigyshippers might enjoy while exploring all the WTFery of sexuality. And then I thought "threesome."
Which is to say, I took a few cues from the first part of Les Chansons D'Amour. Maybe make it AU for once because of headcanon. Bill and Lanette would probably start off with a rocky relationship. Bill meets Daisy at some point, starts an affair with her, tries to keep it a secret and fails (note: not actually a summary of the movie this was inspired by, kids), only to have Lanette suggest that they have a threesome (instead of bitchslapping Bill to the moon) because she doesn't want to give Bill the satisfaction of being right about anything, including what she would do if she found out. That and she happens to click well with Daisy. So, insert menage a trois shenanigans here.
Until Lanette and Daisy pull this and turn it into hot girl-on-girl action/angstfest because why not? It would be glorious.