Part III: IN WHICH ARCEUS SAVES THE JEWS FROM THE HOLOCAUST. NO, REALLY.
WELCOME TO THE MOST INCOHERENT AND RANDOM-AS-FUCK CHAPTER WE'VE ENCOUNTERED SO FAR.
LET THAT SINK IN FOR A SECOND.
THIS CHAPTER MAKES LESS SENSE THAN ANY OTHER CHAPTER WE'VE GONE THROUGH SO FAR.
WARNINGS: THE USUAL. VIOLENCE. RAPE. DISCUSSIONS OF THE HOLOCAUST. HORRENDOUS DEPICTIONS OF RELIGION AND RACE. TORTURE. Y'KNOW.
WHY IS LEGEND OF ZELDA SUCH A THING IN THE POKEMON WORLD? IT’S NOT EVEN THIS BIG OF A DEAL IN THE REAL WORLD EXCEPT IN VERY SPECIFIC PARTS OF JAPAN.
THE HOLOCAUST SUES TOLD THE CONDUCTOR THAT THEY WERE HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS AND HE WAS TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT, AS IF THAT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. GRANTED, THAT MAY JUST BE THE SANEST THING IN THIS UNIVERSE, BUT WHAT.
AND THEN YOU HAVE A POINTLESS CAMEO OF LINK, ZELDA, AND CYNTHIA AS WELL AS AN APPEARANCE BY CYNTHIA’S SON, WHO WILL NEVER BE MENTIONED AGAIN. MOVING RIGHT ALONG.
THE NARRATION USES THIS AS A DIALOGUE TAG: LUCAS ASKS HIS LADIES. HIS LADIES. WOMEN WHO ENDURED HORRORS BY PEOPLE WHO DID NOT CONSIDER THEM HUMAN ARE NOW BEING REDUCED TO PROPERTY OF ONE SLEEZY ASSHOLE. HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS. ARE BEING REDUCED. TO PROPERTY. BY THE NARRATION OF THIS FIC.
CONGRATULATIONS, AUTHOR. YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY WON AN AWARD. AN AWARD FOR PROFOUNDLY OFFENDING LARGE SWATHS OF READERS IN THE FEWEST WORDS EVER.
OH, AND IN A GENIUS STROKE OF CHARACTERIZATION, THE CHARACTERS WHO WERE CRIPPLING TERRIFIED BY TRAINS JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO NOW LOVE IT. WHY DO WE HAVE HOLOCAUST REFERENCES IF WE’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO DISCUSS HOW THEY’RE AFFECTING THE CHARACTERS BEYOND WHEN IT’S CONVENIENT?
THE TRAIN PASSED THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE IN SECONDS, AND NO ONE IS CONCERNED ABOUT THIS. WHY?
THAT’S RIGHT. I’VE GRADUATED TO WHAT. I AM NOW ON WHY. AS IN WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?
NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE ENTIRE LEGEND OF ZELDA CONCERT SCENE? NO, LITERALLY. THE STORY JUST INCLUDES A CONCERT CELEBRATING THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, BUT I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT THE POINT OF IT WAS. IT WAS JUST DESCRIBED TO US, BUT WE DON’T SEE THE CHARACTERS REACTING. WE DON’T EVEN GET CONVERSATIONS OR ANY ACTION HERE ONCE THEY’RE OFF THE TRAIN. IT’S JUST, “YEP. THIS IS THE CONCERT.” IT DOESN’T EVEN ADVANCE THE PLOT IN ANY WAY. WHY WAS THIS INCLUDED IN THE FIC?
AND THEN TIME LORD ARCEUS IS MOANING ABOUT THE DEATH OF HIS CHILDREN … A YEAR AGO. WHAT. THAT WAS LAST FUCKING CHAPTER.
WHY WAS NO ONE CELEBRATING HIS BIRTHDAY? WAS HE JUST A REALLY SHITTY GOD OR …?
DUDE. DUDE. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WORSHIP YOU AS A GOD. OMG, STFU ABOUT BEING IGNORED IN OTHER REGIONS. JFC, AT THIS POINT, I SWEAR TO ALL THE ACTUALLY HOLY THINGS, THE AUTHOR IS JUST TRYING TO FIND EVERY REASON TO MAKE HIS CHARACTERS ANGSTY. LIKE, LITERALLY, IT IS READING LIKE AN ANGST PARODY. OR MY THOUGHT PROCESSES WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN.
OKAY, THIS ISN’T TIME LORD ARCEUS. IT’S JUST THAT EVERY MALE ARCEUS IS A WHINY, ATTENTION-SEEKING ASSHOLE WHO CRIES OVER THE FACT THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD DOESN’T LOVE THEM. OH, AND THEY’RE CRYING IN THE RAIN.
TL;DR, MALE ARCEUS SAYS, “BLAH BLAH BLAH OMG MY LIFE IS SO HAAAAAARD NO ONE IN THE WORLD WORSHIPS ME ANYMORE EXCEPT AN ENTIRE FUCKING REGION. WAAAAAAAAH.”
JESUS ARRIVES! HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE JESUS STARTS CRYING IN THE RAIN? I GIVE HIM ABOUT A HALF A CHAPTER.
WHY WOULD CHRISTIANITY AND JUDAISM NEED TO HELP A POLYTHEISTIC ANIMAL-WORSHIPPING RELIGION SURVIVE?
WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY BE GOING AROUND WARNING PEOPLE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT WORSHIPPING A COMPLETELY UNRELATED GOD?
BRO, DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW RELIGIONS WORK? RELIGIONS AREN’T LIKE BFFS IN WHICH IF ONE IS THREATENING TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE EARTH, THE OTHERS STEP IN AND SAY, “OMG HDU START FOLLOWING THIS RELIGION AT ONCE.” GODS OF RELIGIONS GENERALLY DON’T BELIEVE EACH OTHER EXIST.
ACTUAL LINE FROM THE FIC: “Not only that, he [ARCEUS] did saved many Jewish prisoners from Auschwitz centuries ago, and if it weren't for him, they would have died.”
I SEE YOU DRIVIN’ ‘ROUND THE FANDOM WITH THE GENOCIDE THAT AFFECTED MILLIONS OF MONOTHEISTIC PEOPLE WHO WORSHIP AN ABRAHAMIC GOD, AND I SAY, “FUCK YOU-OOH-OOH!”
PROTIP: IF YOU ASK SOMEONE WHAT THEY WANT FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY, CHANCES ARE A BABY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
APPARENTLY, CALLING THE LEGENDARIES TO ONE PLACE IS LESS LIKE A MYSTICAL, GODLY PROCESS AND MORE LIKE BEING CALLED TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE. ALSO, WHEN YOU SAY “REPORT HERE,” YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BE A LITTLE FUCKING SPECIFIC THERE.
HE HASN’T HEARD ANY MORE PRAYERS. EXCEPT, Y’KNOW, ALL OF THE ONES COMING FROM AN ENTIRE FUCKING REGION.
I FEEL LIKE ALL OF THIS EMOANGSTING ON ARCEUS’S PART IS JUST A THINLY VEILED METAPHOR FOR THE AUTHOR’S WHINING OVER A LACK OF REVIEWS. AND INADEQUACY. LOTS AND LOTS OF INADEQUACY.
A CHARACTER ASKS, “WHAT IF THE MISSIONARIES JESUS IS SENDING ON BEHALF OF ARCEISM FAIL TO CONVINCE THOSE PEOPLE?” WHAT PEOPLE? THE NONBELIEVERS? BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE ACTUAL RELIGIOUS FIGURES WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT.
ARCEUS WAKES UP AND MOANS ABOUT HOW HUMANITY HAS FORGOTTEN HIM. EXCEPT, Y’KNOW, FUCKING. SINNOH.
ARCEUS PITCHES A HISSY FIT, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD PRAY FOR ARCEUS. JUST LIKE THAT. THERE WEREN’T EVEN ANY MISSIONARIES. JUST ARCEUS ACCUSING EVERYONE OF BEING ASSHOLES, SOME OTHER GOD GOING “OH SHIT EVERYONE PRAY,” AND THEN EVERYONE PRAYS. GUYS, THAT’S NOT HOW RELIGION WORKS. THAT’S HOW AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WORKS.
AND NO, AUTHOR, PITCHING A HISSY FIT WILL NOT GET PEOPLE TO LIKE OR REVIEW YOU. JUST FOR THE RECORD.
THIS ALL PLACATES ARCEUS, WHO APPARENTLY HAS THE MENTALITY OF A FUCKING TWO-YEAR-OLD. A TWO-YEAR-OLD DOES THIS, GUYS. AND THIS IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. Y’KNOW. IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED IN THAT. WHICH SINNOH FUCKING DOES.
I LOVE HOW THIS STORY JUST CUTS BACK TO LUCAS AND HIS GIRLS. IT’S LIKE THE STORY JUST WENT, “OH! RIGHT! THIS STORY IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT AN EMOANGSTING GOD!”
AUTHOR. YOU HAVE LITERALLY FOUR JEWISH GIRLS. DO NOT FUCKING USE “THE JEWISH GIRL” TO IDENTIFY ONE OF THEM. THAT DOESN’T HELP.
KOSHER PIDGEOTTO LOSES ITS NAME AND DEFEATS DAWN’S PIPLUP WITH OVERPOWERED TM MOVES. HOLD ON. LET ME CHECK TO SEE IF I’M SURPRISED THAT HOLOCAUST SUE #2 WINS AGAINST A CANON CHARACTER AND HER ACTUALLY-TRAINED PIPLUP.
…
NOPE. NOT SURPRISED. CARRY ON.
AND HERE WE HAVE A REAPPEARANCE BY TEAM ROCKET HOLOCAUST DENIERS.
ACTUAL LINE FROM THE FIC: “Well, it looks like you have those (bleep) Jewish girls here, you-”
LET THAT SINK IN, GUYS. IT’S OKAY TO TALK ABOUT DEITIES RAMMING EACH OTHER. IT’S OKAY TO HAVE WOMEN BE TREATED AS PROPERTY OF A SINGLE MAN. IT’S OKAY TO DISCUSS RAPE AND, IN LATER CHAPTERS, TO PUNISH A FEMALE RAPIST BY FORCING HER TO BECOME A SEX SLAVE FOR HER VICTIM AND SPECIFYING THAT SHE HAS TO ENJOY IT.
BUT IT’S DEFINITELY NOT OKAY TO SWEAR. THAT’S JUST CROSSING THE LINE, GUYS. HDU EVEN THINK ABOUT USING FOUL LANGUAGE HERE.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.
ALSO, HOW THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW THE GIRLS ARE JEWISH? THAT’S NOT EXACTLY SOMETHING YOU CAN TELL AFTER LOOKING AT SOMEONE FROM A DISTANCE, REGARDLESS OF WHAT JOKES YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT BIG NOSES AND CURLY HAIR. ALSO, THE HOLOCAUST AFFECTED FAR MORE TYPES OF PEOPLE THAN JEWS. EVEN IF YOU SAW PART OF THEIR TATTOOS AND BOUGHT THE IDEA THAT THESE GIRLS WERE ACTUALLY PULLED FROM THE HOLOCAUST, YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT KIND OF PRISONER THEY WERE.
ALSO, DO HOLOCAUST DENIERS GENERALLY HANG AROUND PLACES FOR NO APPARENT REASON? LIKE, I KNOW SOME HOLD PROTESTS, BUT USUALLY, THEY DO SO IN FRONT OF RELEVANT PLACES. NOT, Y’KNOW, THE EQUIVALENT OF A BASEBALL PARK.
BY THE WAY, IF LUCAS LIVED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, WHY THE FUCK ARE N AND BROCK STILL ALIVE?
FFS, WHY DOES EVERYONE NOTICE THE TATTOO ON THE GIRLS’ ARMS?HOW IS ANYONE ABLE TO READ WHAT’S WRITTEN ON THEM? DO THEY PARADE AROUND WITH THEIR FOREARMS TURNED OUTWARDS FOR EVERYONE TO READ? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?
OH WAIT. THIS IS A SNOWGLOBE FILLED WITH SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES. IT IS A SPECIAL BLIZZARD, IF YOU WILL. IF THIS WERE A PLACE ON THE EARTH, IT WOULD BE A VERY SPECIAL ANTARCTICA. I KEEP FORGETTING THAT.
HOLOCAUST SUE #1 KO’S A GYM LEADER’S STEELIX IN TWO HITS, BEFORE THE GYM LEADER CAN GET IN A SINGLE ATTACK. BY THE WAY, THAT GYM LEADER IS FUCKING FORREST, AND THE STEELIX IS THE EVOLVED FORM OF BROCK’S FUCKING ONIX. YOU KNOW. THE ONE THAT NEARLY CHOKEHELD ASH’S GODACHU TO DEATH ONLY SEVEN EPISODES IN. THAT MOTHERFUCKING STEELIX.
AAAAAAND HERE IS THE HISTORY LECTURE, COURTESY OF HOLOCAUST SNOWFLAKE #1, BROUGHT TO YOU BECAUSE SHE NOTICED FORREST WAS LOOKING AT HER TATTOO BEFORE THE MATCH.
HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW WHAT HE’S LOOKING AT? FORREST DOESN’T HAVE VISIBLE EYES. FORREST IS LIKE BROCK, WHO CONTINUOUSLY CAPITALIZED ON THE FACT THAT NO WOMAN COULD TELL WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS STARING AT THEIR BREASTS.
SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE HOLOCAUST SUE #1 LAUNCHES INTO A FLASHBACK IN WHICH SHE FINDS A WAY TO ESCAPE AUSCHWITZ. THIS TEENAGED GIRL WHO THROWS HERSELF AT LUCAS AND IS AFRAID OF TRAINS AND SHOWERHEADS. ESCAPED AUSCHWITZ. NONE OF THE EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT JEWISH PEOPLE WHO MOST LIKELY WERE ALSO HELD IN AUSCHWITZ ESCAPED. JUST THIS GIRL.
AUTHOR, I CANNOT ARTICULATE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.
ANYWAY, DIALGA APPEARS AND SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF THE SS SOLDIERS WHO WERE CHASING HER. OH, RIGHT. SS SOLDIERS WERE CHASING HER, BY THE WAY. NOT WITH DOGS OR POKEMON OR ANYTHING. JUST, YOU KNOW. ON FOOT. WITH GUNS. THAT THEY APPARENTLY DIDN’T USE. BECAUSE I GUESS THEY JUST WANTED HER ALIVE. TO BRING HER BACK TO AUSCHWITZ.
ANYWAY, DIALGA APPEARS AND SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF THE SS SOLDIERS BY DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT STANDING THERE AND THREATENTING THEM. THEY RUN AWAY, AND HOLOCAUST SUE #1 PETS DIALGA AND COLLAPSES. BUT DON’T WORRY. IN THIS FIC, THINGS LIKE COLLAPSING AND DRAMATIC WHATEVER REALLY DON’T MEAN A THING. SHE GETS UP ABOUT THREE SECONDS LATER WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCE OR ANYTHING, JUST IN TIME TO NOTICE THAT MORE SOLDIERS ARE COMING HER WAY. BUT IT’S OKAY BECAUSE DIALGA THEN TIME-TRAVELS WITH HER INTO THE FUTURE.
BECAUSE FUCK THE OTHER SUFFERING PRISONERS.
AND THIS MARKS THE END OF THE FIRST CHAPTER THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE CREEPY GHOSTS STARING AT FEMALES WHOSE WOMBS THEY WOULD LIKE TO CRAWL INTO. I’M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE HAPPY OR VOMITING IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW OVER THE FACT THAT THAT IS A THING.
This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/124560.html.
LET THAT SINK IN FOR A SECOND.
THIS CHAPTER MAKES LESS SENSE THAN ANY OTHER CHAPTER WE'VE GONE THROUGH SO FAR.
WARNINGS: THE USUAL. VIOLENCE. RAPE. DISCUSSIONS OF THE HOLOCAUST. HORRENDOUS DEPICTIONS OF RELIGION AND RACE. TORTURE. Y'KNOW.
WHY IS LEGEND OF ZELDA SUCH A THING IN THE POKEMON WORLD? IT’S NOT EVEN THIS BIG OF A DEAL IN THE REAL WORLD EXCEPT IN VERY SPECIFIC PARTS OF JAPAN.
THE HOLOCAUST SUES TOLD THE CONDUCTOR THAT THEY WERE HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS AND HE WAS TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT, AS IF THAT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. GRANTED, THAT MAY JUST BE THE SANEST THING IN THIS UNIVERSE, BUT WHAT.
AND THEN YOU HAVE A POINTLESS CAMEO OF LINK, ZELDA, AND CYNTHIA AS WELL AS AN APPEARANCE BY CYNTHIA’S SON, WHO WILL NEVER BE MENTIONED AGAIN. MOVING RIGHT ALONG.
THE NARRATION USES THIS AS A DIALOGUE TAG: LUCAS ASKS HIS LADIES. HIS LADIES. WOMEN WHO ENDURED HORRORS BY PEOPLE WHO DID NOT CONSIDER THEM HUMAN ARE NOW BEING REDUCED TO PROPERTY OF ONE SLEEZY ASSHOLE. HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS. ARE BEING REDUCED. TO PROPERTY. BY THE NARRATION OF THIS FIC.
CONGRATULATIONS, AUTHOR. YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY WON AN AWARD. AN AWARD FOR PROFOUNDLY OFFENDING LARGE SWATHS OF READERS IN THE FEWEST WORDS EVER.
OH, AND IN A GENIUS STROKE OF CHARACTERIZATION, THE CHARACTERS WHO WERE CRIPPLING TERRIFIED BY TRAINS JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO NOW LOVE IT. WHY DO WE HAVE HOLOCAUST REFERENCES IF WE’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO DISCUSS HOW THEY’RE AFFECTING THE CHARACTERS BEYOND WHEN IT’S CONVENIENT?
THE TRAIN PASSED THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE IN SECONDS, AND NO ONE IS CONCERNED ABOUT THIS. WHY?
THAT’S RIGHT. I’VE GRADUATED TO WHAT. I AM NOW ON WHY. AS IN WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?
NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE ENTIRE LEGEND OF ZELDA CONCERT SCENE? NO, LITERALLY. THE STORY JUST INCLUDES A CONCERT CELEBRATING THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, BUT I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT THE POINT OF IT WAS. IT WAS JUST DESCRIBED TO US, BUT WE DON’T SEE THE CHARACTERS REACTING. WE DON’T EVEN GET CONVERSATIONS OR ANY ACTION HERE ONCE THEY’RE OFF THE TRAIN. IT’S JUST, “YEP. THIS IS THE CONCERT.” IT DOESN’T EVEN ADVANCE THE PLOT IN ANY WAY. WHY WAS THIS INCLUDED IN THE FIC?
AND THEN TIME LORD ARCEUS IS MOANING ABOUT THE DEATH OF HIS CHILDREN … A YEAR AGO. WHAT. THAT WAS LAST FUCKING CHAPTER.
WHY WAS NO ONE CELEBRATING HIS BIRTHDAY? WAS HE JUST A REALLY SHITTY GOD OR …?
DUDE. DUDE. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WORSHIP YOU AS A GOD. OMG, STFU ABOUT BEING IGNORED IN OTHER REGIONS. JFC, AT THIS POINT, I SWEAR TO ALL THE ACTUALLY HOLY THINGS, THE AUTHOR IS JUST TRYING TO FIND EVERY REASON TO MAKE HIS CHARACTERS ANGSTY. LIKE, LITERALLY, IT IS READING LIKE AN ANGST PARODY. OR MY THOUGHT PROCESSES WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN.
OKAY, THIS ISN’T TIME LORD ARCEUS. IT’S JUST THAT EVERY MALE ARCEUS IS A WHINY, ATTENTION-SEEKING ASSHOLE WHO CRIES OVER THE FACT THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD DOESN’T LOVE THEM. OH, AND THEY’RE CRYING IN THE RAIN.
TL;DR, MALE ARCEUS SAYS, “BLAH BLAH BLAH OMG MY LIFE IS SO HAAAAAARD NO ONE IN THE WORLD WORSHIPS ME ANYMORE EXCEPT AN ENTIRE FUCKING REGION. WAAAAAAAAH.”
JESUS ARRIVES! HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE JESUS STARTS CRYING IN THE RAIN? I GIVE HIM ABOUT A HALF A CHAPTER.
WHY WOULD CHRISTIANITY AND JUDAISM NEED TO HELP A POLYTHEISTIC ANIMAL-WORSHIPPING RELIGION SURVIVE?
WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY BE GOING AROUND WARNING PEOPLE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT WORSHIPPING A COMPLETELY UNRELATED GOD?
BRO, DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW RELIGIONS WORK? RELIGIONS AREN’T LIKE BFFS IN WHICH IF ONE IS THREATENING TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE EARTH, THE OTHERS STEP IN AND SAY, “OMG HDU START FOLLOWING THIS RELIGION AT ONCE.” GODS OF RELIGIONS GENERALLY DON’T BELIEVE EACH OTHER EXIST.
ACTUAL LINE FROM THE FIC: “Not only that, he [ARCEUS] did saved many Jewish prisoners from Auschwitz centuries ago, and if it weren't for him, they would have died.”
I SEE YOU DRIVIN’ ‘ROUND THE FANDOM WITH THE GENOCIDE THAT AFFECTED MILLIONS OF MONOTHEISTIC PEOPLE WHO WORSHIP AN ABRAHAMIC GOD, AND I SAY, “FUCK YOU-OOH-OOH!”
PROTIP: IF YOU ASK SOMEONE WHAT THEY WANT FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY, CHANCES ARE A BABY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
APPARENTLY, CALLING THE LEGENDARIES TO ONE PLACE IS LESS LIKE A MYSTICAL, GODLY PROCESS AND MORE LIKE BEING CALLED TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE. ALSO, WHEN YOU SAY “REPORT HERE,” YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BE A LITTLE FUCKING SPECIFIC THERE.
HE HASN’T HEARD ANY MORE PRAYERS. EXCEPT, Y’KNOW, ALL OF THE ONES COMING FROM AN ENTIRE FUCKING REGION.
I FEEL LIKE ALL OF THIS EMOANGSTING ON ARCEUS’S PART IS JUST A THINLY VEILED METAPHOR FOR THE AUTHOR’S WHINING OVER A LACK OF REVIEWS. AND INADEQUACY. LOTS AND LOTS OF INADEQUACY.
A CHARACTER ASKS, “WHAT IF THE MISSIONARIES JESUS IS SENDING ON BEHALF OF ARCEISM FAIL TO CONVINCE THOSE PEOPLE?” WHAT PEOPLE? THE NONBELIEVERS? BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE ACTUAL RELIGIOUS FIGURES WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT.
ARCEUS WAKES UP AND MOANS ABOUT HOW HUMANITY HAS FORGOTTEN HIM. EXCEPT, Y’KNOW, FUCKING. SINNOH.
ARCEUS PITCHES A HISSY FIT, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD PRAY FOR ARCEUS. JUST LIKE THAT. THERE WEREN’T EVEN ANY MISSIONARIES. JUST ARCEUS ACCUSING EVERYONE OF BEING ASSHOLES, SOME OTHER GOD GOING “OH SHIT EVERYONE PRAY,” AND THEN EVERYONE PRAYS. GUYS, THAT’S NOT HOW RELIGION WORKS. THAT’S HOW AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WORKS.
AND NO, AUTHOR, PITCHING A HISSY FIT WILL NOT GET PEOPLE TO LIKE OR REVIEW YOU. JUST FOR THE RECORD.
THIS ALL PLACATES ARCEUS, WHO APPARENTLY HAS THE MENTALITY OF A FUCKING TWO-YEAR-OLD. A TWO-YEAR-OLD DOES THIS, GUYS. AND THIS IS THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. Y’KNOW. IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED IN THAT. WHICH SINNOH FUCKING DOES.
I LOVE HOW THIS STORY JUST CUTS BACK TO LUCAS AND HIS GIRLS. IT’S LIKE THE STORY JUST WENT, “OH! RIGHT! THIS STORY IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT AN EMOANGSTING GOD!”
AUTHOR. YOU HAVE LITERALLY FOUR JEWISH GIRLS. DO NOT FUCKING USE “THE JEWISH GIRL” TO IDENTIFY ONE OF THEM. THAT DOESN’T HELP.
KOSHER PIDGEOTTO LOSES ITS NAME AND DEFEATS DAWN’S PIPLUP WITH OVERPOWERED TM MOVES. HOLD ON. LET ME CHECK TO SEE IF I’M SURPRISED THAT HOLOCAUST SUE #2 WINS AGAINST A CANON CHARACTER AND HER ACTUALLY-TRAINED PIPLUP.
…
NOPE. NOT SURPRISED. CARRY ON.
AND HERE WE HAVE A REAPPEARANCE BY TEAM ROCKET HOLOCAUST DENIERS.
ACTUAL LINE FROM THE FIC: “Well, it looks like you have those (bleep) Jewish girls here, you-”
LET THAT SINK IN, GUYS. IT’S OKAY TO TALK ABOUT DEITIES RAMMING EACH OTHER. IT’S OKAY TO HAVE WOMEN BE TREATED AS PROPERTY OF A SINGLE MAN. IT’S OKAY TO DISCUSS RAPE AND, IN LATER CHAPTERS, TO PUNISH A FEMALE RAPIST BY FORCING HER TO BECOME A SEX SLAVE FOR HER VICTIM AND SPECIFYING THAT SHE HAS TO ENJOY IT.
BUT IT’S DEFINITELY NOT OKAY TO SWEAR. THAT’S JUST CROSSING THE LINE, GUYS. HDU EVEN THINK ABOUT USING FOUL LANGUAGE HERE.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.
ALSO, HOW THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW THE GIRLS ARE JEWISH? THAT’S NOT EXACTLY SOMETHING YOU CAN TELL AFTER LOOKING AT SOMEONE FROM A DISTANCE, REGARDLESS OF WHAT JOKES YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT BIG NOSES AND CURLY HAIR. ALSO, THE HOLOCAUST AFFECTED FAR MORE TYPES OF PEOPLE THAN JEWS. EVEN IF YOU SAW PART OF THEIR TATTOOS AND BOUGHT THE IDEA THAT THESE GIRLS WERE ACTUALLY PULLED FROM THE HOLOCAUST, YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT KIND OF PRISONER THEY WERE.
ALSO, DO HOLOCAUST DENIERS GENERALLY HANG AROUND PLACES FOR NO APPARENT REASON? LIKE, I KNOW SOME HOLD PROTESTS, BUT USUALLY, THEY DO SO IN FRONT OF RELEVANT PLACES. NOT, Y’KNOW, THE EQUIVALENT OF A BASEBALL PARK.
BY THE WAY, IF LUCAS LIVED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, WHY THE FUCK ARE N AND BROCK STILL ALIVE?
FFS, WHY DOES EVERYONE NOTICE THE TATTOO ON THE GIRLS’ ARMS?HOW IS ANYONE ABLE TO READ WHAT’S WRITTEN ON THEM? DO THEY PARADE AROUND WITH THEIR FOREARMS TURNED OUTWARDS FOR EVERYONE TO READ? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?
OH WAIT. THIS IS A SNOWGLOBE FILLED WITH SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES. IT IS A SPECIAL BLIZZARD, IF YOU WILL. IF THIS WERE A PLACE ON THE EARTH, IT WOULD BE A VERY SPECIAL ANTARCTICA. I KEEP FORGETTING THAT.
HOLOCAUST SUE #1 KO’S A GYM LEADER’S STEELIX IN TWO HITS, BEFORE THE GYM LEADER CAN GET IN A SINGLE ATTACK. BY THE WAY, THAT GYM LEADER IS FUCKING FORREST, AND THE STEELIX IS THE EVOLVED FORM OF BROCK’S FUCKING ONIX. YOU KNOW. THE ONE THAT NEARLY CHOKEHELD ASH’S GODACHU TO DEATH ONLY SEVEN EPISODES IN. THAT MOTHERFUCKING STEELIX.
AAAAAAND HERE IS THE HISTORY LECTURE, COURTESY OF HOLOCAUST SNOWFLAKE #1, BROUGHT TO YOU BECAUSE SHE NOTICED FORREST WAS LOOKING AT HER TATTOO BEFORE THE MATCH.
HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW WHAT HE’S LOOKING AT? FORREST DOESN’T HAVE VISIBLE EYES. FORREST IS LIKE BROCK, WHO CONTINUOUSLY CAPITALIZED ON THE FACT THAT NO WOMAN COULD TELL WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS STARING AT THEIR BREASTS.
SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE HOLOCAUST SUE #1 LAUNCHES INTO A FLASHBACK IN WHICH SHE FINDS A WAY TO ESCAPE AUSCHWITZ. THIS TEENAGED GIRL WHO THROWS HERSELF AT LUCAS AND IS AFRAID OF TRAINS AND SHOWERHEADS. ESCAPED AUSCHWITZ. NONE OF THE EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT JEWISH PEOPLE WHO MOST LIKELY WERE ALSO HELD IN AUSCHWITZ ESCAPED. JUST THIS GIRL.
AUTHOR, I CANNOT ARTICULATE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.
ANYWAY, DIALGA APPEARS AND SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF THE SS SOLDIERS WHO WERE CHASING HER. OH, RIGHT. SS SOLDIERS WERE CHASING HER, BY THE WAY. NOT WITH DOGS OR POKEMON OR ANYTHING. JUST, YOU KNOW. ON FOOT. WITH GUNS. THAT THEY APPARENTLY DIDN’T USE. BECAUSE I GUESS THEY JUST WANTED HER ALIVE. TO BRING HER BACK TO AUSCHWITZ.
ANYWAY, DIALGA APPEARS AND SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF THE SS SOLDIERS BY DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT STANDING THERE AND THREATENTING THEM. THEY RUN AWAY, AND HOLOCAUST SUE #1 PETS DIALGA AND COLLAPSES. BUT DON’T WORRY. IN THIS FIC, THINGS LIKE COLLAPSING AND DRAMATIC WHATEVER REALLY DON’T MEAN A THING. SHE GETS UP ABOUT THREE SECONDS LATER WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCE OR ANYTHING, JUST IN TIME TO NOTICE THAT MORE SOLDIERS ARE COMING HER WAY. BUT IT’S OKAY BECAUSE DIALGA THEN TIME-TRAVELS WITH HER INTO THE FUTURE.
BECAUSE FUCK THE OTHER SUFFERING PRISONERS.
AND THIS MARKS THE END OF THE FIRST CHAPTER THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE CREEPY GHOSTS STARING AT FEMALES WHOSE WOMBS THEY WOULD LIKE TO CRAWL INTO. I’M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE HAPPY OR VOMITING IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW OVER THE FACT THAT THAT IS A THING.
This entry was cross-posted from http://mercoledi.dreamwidth.org/124560.html.