Happy 3rd Birthday Arielle :)
Today is Arielle's 3rd birthday. She has had a wonderful day too:) She woke around 7:45am. I got her up and dressed and then Kurt came over. She opened her presents while I filmed it on video and then the 3 of us went to the zoo. We drove there (Kurt finally agreed to drive rather than catch a train and ferry....so saved us over an hour each way). I hadn't been in years....and really enjoyed it. Arielle loved it too. My favourite animals were the giraffes, chimps and gorillas. Arielle was sooo cute talking to come of the animals...and when she was approaching the lions and then the tigers....she crept up slowly...pretending to be lions and tigers....and then roared as she got near them...lol. Some Japanese tourists were looking at her oddly at first...then they realised what she was doing and seemed to think she was cute. :)
We came back to my place and all had dinner and Ari got to play with some of her new toys. She particularly loves her Wiggles jumping ball. So cute to watch her bouncing around and it's great excercise.
As for me.....today, 3 years ago, at 8:25pm, a beautiful angel entered my life. That angel is Arielle. There isn't a single thing I'd change about her. She's just beautiful in every way. On a personal level for me though, I am very sad today. Sooo much has changed in my life in the past 3 years. I know I made the decisions I made almost 18 months ago because they were the right ones to make....but I still mourn the loss. Time hasn't healed my wounds, and they feel more raw than ever lately. I can't put it into words....so I'm going to stop trying. It just makes me so sad. Yesterday I was looking at Arielles baby pictures and the pictures of her birth....and they made me cry. While I know I have gained so much since then, I still feel guilt and pain for what I lost. For what was never going to be. I don't expect people to understand that...but what I am saying here is really just for me.
In other news....Arielle got a present from my birth mother yesterday, and in it was a letter to me. Lynda mentioned that she plans to come over in Sept/Oct this year. When I read that...I just broke down. Not from happiness....but because I will be in the midst of a very busy time of assignment deadlines at uni then....and I won't have any time off. She plans to come for 2 weeks.
I called her today...to thank her for Arielles present and to talk about the possibility of her coming in July. From mid June until late July I'll have 5-6 weeks off uni....so although I'll still have to work 3 days a week....I'll have 4 days a week to show her around etc. I'll also have no deadlines to be stressing over etc. It probbaly sounds silly to everyone...and if it does....you just don't understand. I have so much on my plate at the moment that I can't possibly cram another thing in. Her coming at that time would kill me. I wouldn't be able to do anything.....:(
She doesn't seem to really understand the extent of my dilema....but I think she is going to talk to the friend she is coming out here with about changing dates. I really hope that they do....
Haven't look at any of the assignments that are soon due. Just had approval to do one of the pairs ones on my own though....so that's good.
So much in my head right now. I wish I could empty it in a toilet and flush it all away.....
We came back to my place and all had dinner and Ari got to play with some of her new toys. She particularly loves her Wiggles jumping ball. So cute to watch her bouncing around and it's great excercise.
As for me.....today, 3 years ago, at 8:25pm, a beautiful angel entered my life. That angel is Arielle. There isn't a single thing I'd change about her. She's just beautiful in every way. On a personal level for me though, I am very sad today. Sooo much has changed in my life in the past 3 years. I know I made the decisions I made almost 18 months ago because they were the right ones to make....but I still mourn the loss. Time hasn't healed my wounds, and they feel more raw than ever lately. I can't put it into words....so I'm going to stop trying. It just makes me so sad. Yesterday I was looking at Arielles baby pictures and the pictures of her birth....and they made me cry. While I know I have gained so much since then, I still feel guilt and pain for what I lost. For what was never going to be. I don't expect people to understand that...but what I am saying here is really just for me.
In other news....Arielle got a present from my birth mother yesterday, and in it was a letter to me. Lynda mentioned that she plans to come over in Sept/Oct this year. When I read that...I just broke down. Not from happiness....but because I will be in the midst of a very busy time of assignment deadlines at uni then....and I won't have any time off. She plans to come for 2 weeks.
I called her today...to thank her for Arielles present and to talk about the possibility of her coming in July. From mid June until late July I'll have 5-6 weeks off uni....so although I'll still have to work 3 days a week....I'll have 4 days a week to show her around etc. I'll also have no deadlines to be stressing over etc. It probbaly sounds silly to everyone...and if it does....you just don't understand. I have so much on my plate at the moment that I can't possibly cram another thing in. Her coming at that time would kill me. I wouldn't be able to do anything.....:(
She doesn't seem to really understand the extent of my dilema....but I think she is going to talk to the friend she is coming out here with about changing dates. I really hope that they do....
Haven't look at any of the assignments that are soon due. Just had approval to do one of the pairs ones on my own though....so that's good.
So much in my head right now. I wish I could empty it in a toilet and flush it all away.....