109 Licking wounds and nursing egos.
You know, it hit me lately... this feels like Tokyo all over again. I remember surviving on online conversations, saving piles of 100 yen coins for phonecalls that never lasted long enough, comfort food and going out for window shopping (I despise window shopping) and just wandering about for lack of something to do. I remember train rides for the sake of going somewhere. I remember checking my inbox n times a day hoping for a single word. For someone out there. I remember feeling broken and alone. I remember learning to count my blessings. Fandom splurges for distraction, the most painful christmas in history. Some days, I hated it. ...actually, make that most days. I hated it and I loved it and it was too much and not enough at the same time.
It feels kind of like that, in a sense. I'm doing time here. Might be 6 months, might be a year. What kills me is not knowing for sure which it is. But that, that damned uncertainty, will change in a few days.
What's different is that I don't have to fall that far this time. Because there are people who call me. Who think of me. People I consider family, people I can 'come home to'. Because I'm stronger this time, have more to hold on to and more reasons to hang on as well.
So, I'll last.
Let's see if I can get past the automatic. Find my footing here for the remaining time, without snapping at people like I did today. Right?
...right. No such thing as unbearable.