Have you ever cried so hard it physically hurt?
Just what am I doing here, anyway? I'm climbing out of a rut, pulling myself from a hole I didn't truly realize that I was in, and now I find myself slowly adjusting to the concept of being alone. Alone for the first time in Two years... I know it was the right thing to do... but oh what a misery! So cold... I feel so lonely and so cold. I find myself to be strong so often... and yet, here I am, tears streaming down my face, mourning the loss of the greatest source of comfort I have ever known. I will never been the same, now that she has touched my life. And I will never look back on this as time wasted... but now what am I to do? I've never felt this way... how does one go on? how does one walk away from the arms of love and back into the chill, monotone life of the lonely and single?
I am not in the mood for another relationship, not for a long time I am sure. How could I be? She was so perfect... an Angel on the Earth, and for two years I was given the privilage of basking in the glory of her beauty... and now, as the light slips from me, I find the darkness only to be that much darker. As the tears stream from my eyes, freezing to my face, making me ache, I can still hear her sweet voice, smell her scent in the air, on my clothes. I can see her eyes when I close my own... my God... I have never known pain like this... pain in such an abundance that my body nearly cracks. I can only hope that, in time, I can muster the strength and resolve to continue on, holding in my hand the hand of the one I love, no longer my lover but my very best freind... perhaps, I think, it is this mokery, the akwardness we are forced to endure side by side, that is even more painful than the lonliness that holds me within its grasp, stealing sleep and sanity in equal measure.
Oh the pain of the loving heart... why must a curse such as this be visited upon the frail frame of humanity? Why must we endure such wracking agony, only to rise once more and suffer the torments of love once again? And will I? Will I ever love again? If not her, then who? How could another ever hope to fill her shoes? Her shadow? How could another ever take her place by my side? An anguish like this... I truly have never, ever felt.
I am not in the mood for another relationship, not for a long time I am sure. How could I be? She was so perfect... an Angel on the Earth, and for two years I was given the privilage of basking in the glory of her beauty... and now, as the light slips from me, I find the darkness only to be that much darker. As the tears stream from my eyes, freezing to my face, making me ache, I can still hear her sweet voice, smell her scent in the air, on my clothes. I can see her eyes when I close my own... my God... I have never known pain like this... pain in such an abundance that my body nearly cracks. I can only hope that, in time, I can muster the strength and resolve to continue on, holding in my hand the hand of the one I love, no longer my lover but my very best freind... perhaps, I think, it is this mokery, the akwardness we are forced to endure side by side, that is even more painful than the lonliness that holds me within its grasp, stealing sleep and sanity in equal measure.
Oh the pain of the loving heart... why must a curse such as this be visited upon the frail frame of humanity? Why must we endure such wracking agony, only to rise once more and suffer the torments of love once again? And will I? Will I ever love again? If not her, then who? How could another ever hope to fill her shoes? Her shadow? How could another ever take her place by my side? An anguish like this... I truly have never, ever felt.