(no subject)
it's been comming up on 5 months since my last update on here and i figure what the fuck.. why not. Well for the past 3 weeks just about me and Chelsey have been seperated. It's been driving me nuts because i've been trying to find a job and notop of that i've been dealing with the constant paranoia that even though she said she'd wait... that she won't. I dunno.. it's been making me get super protective of her which is driving her nuts.. and then it annoys the fuck out of me when i notice i'm doing it because it's not my place to do that right now, nor do i think it ever really will be seeing as it's her life to live. I've just been going insane. Over these weeks her and i have been fighting alot over little things, and then they get blown into bigger things that end up with us bringing up past fights which only makes it worse. Usually we end up fine but i don't think it'll happen many more times. I miss her.... it's not like i've been going without her.. but i miss the way things were. I miss it being carefree and easy going, no fighting, no arguing, barely any jealousy, though i always felt some... i just miss it.... i miss us. The worst part is i think that even if we DO get back together... things won't be the same... and if we don't... i'll be crushed... i'll probably end up atleast aprtially reverting to my old ways. i wouldn't start using girls again like i used to but i'd probably get some old habbits of mine back... it would in no way be her falt.. seeing as it would be me causing the breakup.. and it's my way of coping with the loss... but i know she'd feel bad and i don't want that either... it just seems i care too much and i'm trying to make everyone happy and it's just not possible... i just need help... with anything and everything.