And it's easier not to, so much easier not to
My parents revamped my computer some time ago, a few months at least, and I just today downloaded a client for LJ. I suppose that is fairly representative of my posting frequency.
It's gray outside. This makes me feel totally justified in getting out of bed at 10:30 and lounging about in my pajama bottoms. Hmm. I think this picture is incomplete. I'm going to make myself some tea. And toast? I have no idea why I'm sharing this information.
When my biggest stress is a messy room and un-updated LJ I find ways to have more important things to do, like reading comic books or watching cartoons and shows about man's survival in space. But when my biggest stress is actually big, updating and cleaning seem so much more appealing. I wish I were stressed more often.
I quit smoking. Some of you will say "You smoked?" and others will say "About damn time!" and I'd definitely agree with them. Marijuana had become a nightly occurrence and I didn't see a problem with it, for some time. And for those times, I'm not seeing a problem with it now, either. The justifications were entirely satisfactory to myself; it's my year off from school, I'm not letting it interfere with my professional life, etc. I still managed to be a productive member of society, so I didn't see the harm. I also knew the time would come when I would have to stop. When my studies were to resume I couldn't afford to wake up groggy every morning, or worse, convince myself that I could successfully do homework stoned. I knew that if I waited long enough, something would happen to make me want to stop, and it did, and I did. It was nothing dramatic or intense and needs not be repeated here, suffice it to say it was enough. Anyone who's quit smoking before and was a regular user, and this goes as much for tobacco, will know the intensity of withdrawal symptoms. The first few days were marred with anxiety attacks, headaches, stomach cramps, etc. At some points I thought of lighting up just to feel better but the thought of having to start the grueling process again steered me away from that venue. My two best weapons so far have been gravol and Will, calming me down when needed (the former mostly to ensure a proper nights sleep when I worked early the next day.) Now the symptoms are nearly gone, the occasional headaches or tense moments coming further and further apart. I'm not looking for any kudos when writing all this, only to catalogue what I deem a successful operation. Oh I also gave up drinking coffee. It wasn't nearly as hard on me physically, but damn I love the taste of coffee, so mentally I'm still not over it. Heh. The lesser of two evils, I hope.
The day finally came when I regretted not having tried harder during my bachelors. I've always been a "work as hard as you need to get between 70-80" kinda guy. My mom required me to maintain a 70 average if she were to help pay for my studies, so that's always what I aimed for, never really striving to do better than that. Why put in the extra work? That's not to say I didn't get better grades in certain classes; the more interesting or the less effort demanding ones got me slightly better marks. The teacher's college calculated my average, based on my 20 highest grades, at 75.3. So a B+. My regular GPA was a B. My high school and CEGEP averages were all near 75%. Now, considering I hardly ever do homework, readings and usually write my essays the night before with minimal research, I can't really complain. But now that Laurentian and Ottawa U's English teacher's college have both wait listed me, I can't help but think, "hmm, maybe trying would've been to my advantage." Granted, the French program hasn't gotten back to me yet because I wrote the entrance exam too late to be accepted during the first round. It's also the likeliest to accept me, since Laurentian is smaller and has a better reputation and Ottawa U's English program has a ton of applicants, most of them having bothered doing some work during their bachelors. I'm not terribly scared of not getting in, I'm remaining strangely optimistic about the whole situation, but a straight out 'yes' would still have been nice. Here's me lying in the grave that I dug for myself.
Since Laurentian wait listed me I've pretty much decided that if/when the French program at Ottawa U accepts me I will choose it and stay in Ottawa for the year. Sudbury was actually really appealing to me (yes, gasp in horror if you must) but I decided I would have my 'adventure' some other way instead. I've decided to work at a summer camp out in the Laurentides, North of Montreal. The pay is pretty decent, expenses are minimal. I calculated that I would make considerably more if I stayed in Ottawa and worked for my daycare's summer program, but that's as appealing to me as pointing a cannon to my nostrils and spreading my thoughts all over the room (analogy totally ripped from "Leolo"). My boss is rather... difficult. Moody and unpredictable, she makes her employees feel like they're 'lucky' to be working there, as opposed to 'valued'. As a male in a female dominated industry and a competent one at that, I don't have any difficulty in finding jobs where I'm appreciated as opposed to tolerated. The jokes on her though; I know full well she wanted me to work there this summer, she's expressed disappointment at the idea of me not, but only once I expressed the possibility of that happening. When she approached me it was very much a "If you are interested let me know but you need to be committed and motivated and flexible and even then we'll see" sort of discourse. Working there has been one unnecessary upward battle after another and there's no way I'm going to keep fighting for a job I wouldn't be particularly excited for. She said herself employees shouldn't be in it for the money, so I'm doing just that. I'm going to go somewhere else and get paid to enjoy my job. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. The best part is, I fired off about 7-8 resumes on Monday and 3 different camps have already approached me, showing interest in my experience and wanting an interview. I've decided to go with the first one, mostly because it's easily accessible, has a great looking site and is paying me more than the minimum I was asking for - plus all the other camp websites I found usually listed lower pay scales, so I know I wouldn't make much better elsewhere. The camp's site is www.maromac.com. Check out the cabins and the bird's eye view. The counselors are really well treated, lots of activities after hours and trips to the local towns on our days off for festivals and movies, etc. I've never done something like this before, so I'm getting extremely psyched. It's a long way away though so I'll have to put it out of my mind for some time.
I feel as though there was something else I wanted to talk about, but if there is, it completely escapes me. See you in another month?
It's gray outside. This makes me feel totally justified in getting out of bed at 10:30 and lounging about in my pajama bottoms. Hmm. I think this picture is incomplete. I'm going to make myself some tea. And toast? I have no idea why I'm sharing this information.
When my biggest stress is a messy room and un-updated LJ I find ways to have more important things to do, like reading comic books or watching cartoons and shows about man's survival in space. But when my biggest stress is actually big, updating and cleaning seem so much more appealing. I wish I were stressed more often.
I quit smoking. Some of you will say "You smoked?" and others will say "About damn time!" and I'd definitely agree with them. Marijuana had become a nightly occurrence and I didn't see a problem with it, for some time. And for those times, I'm not seeing a problem with it now, either. The justifications were entirely satisfactory to myself; it's my year off from school, I'm not letting it interfere with my professional life, etc. I still managed to be a productive member of society, so I didn't see the harm. I also knew the time would come when I would have to stop. When my studies were to resume I couldn't afford to wake up groggy every morning, or worse, convince myself that I could successfully do homework stoned. I knew that if I waited long enough, something would happen to make me want to stop, and it did, and I did. It was nothing dramatic or intense and needs not be repeated here, suffice it to say it was enough. Anyone who's quit smoking before and was a regular user, and this goes as much for tobacco, will know the intensity of withdrawal symptoms. The first few days were marred with anxiety attacks, headaches, stomach cramps, etc. At some points I thought of lighting up just to feel better but the thought of having to start the grueling process again steered me away from that venue. My two best weapons so far have been gravol and Will, calming me down when needed (the former mostly to ensure a proper nights sleep when I worked early the next day.) Now the symptoms are nearly gone, the occasional headaches or tense moments coming further and further apart. I'm not looking for any kudos when writing all this, only to catalogue what I deem a successful operation. Oh I also gave up drinking coffee. It wasn't nearly as hard on me physically, but damn I love the taste of coffee, so mentally I'm still not over it. Heh. The lesser of two evils, I hope.
The day finally came when I regretted not having tried harder during my bachelors. I've always been a "work as hard as you need to get between 70-80" kinda guy. My mom required me to maintain a 70 average if she were to help pay for my studies, so that's always what I aimed for, never really striving to do better than that. Why put in the extra work? That's not to say I didn't get better grades in certain classes; the more interesting or the less effort demanding ones got me slightly better marks. The teacher's college calculated my average, based on my 20 highest grades, at 75.3. So a B+. My regular GPA was a B. My high school and CEGEP averages were all near 75%. Now, considering I hardly ever do homework, readings and usually write my essays the night before with minimal research, I can't really complain. But now that Laurentian and Ottawa U's English teacher's college have both wait listed me, I can't help but think, "hmm, maybe trying would've been to my advantage." Granted, the French program hasn't gotten back to me yet because I wrote the entrance exam too late to be accepted during the first round. It's also the likeliest to accept me, since Laurentian is smaller and has a better reputation and Ottawa U's English program has a ton of applicants, most of them having bothered doing some work during their bachelors. I'm not terribly scared of not getting in, I'm remaining strangely optimistic about the whole situation, but a straight out 'yes' would still have been nice. Here's me lying in the grave that I dug for myself.
Since Laurentian wait listed me I've pretty much decided that if/when the French program at Ottawa U accepts me I will choose it and stay in Ottawa for the year. Sudbury was actually really appealing to me (yes, gasp in horror if you must) but I decided I would have my 'adventure' some other way instead. I've decided to work at a summer camp out in the Laurentides, North of Montreal. The pay is pretty decent, expenses are minimal. I calculated that I would make considerably more if I stayed in Ottawa and worked for my daycare's summer program, but that's as appealing to me as pointing a cannon to my nostrils and spreading my thoughts all over the room (analogy totally ripped from "Leolo"). My boss is rather... difficult. Moody and unpredictable, she makes her employees feel like they're 'lucky' to be working there, as opposed to 'valued'. As a male in a female dominated industry and a competent one at that, I don't have any difficulty in finding jobs where I'm appreciated as opposed to tolerated. The jokes on her though; I know full well she wanted me to work there this summer, she's expressed disappointment at the idea of me not, but only once I expressed the possibility of that happening. When she approached me it was very much a "If you are interested let me know but you need to be committed and motivated and flexible and even then we'll see" sort of discourse. Working there has been one unnecessary upward battle after another and there's no way I'm going to keep fighting for a job I wouldn't be particularly excited for. She said herself employees shouldn't be in it for the money, so I'm doing just that. I'm going to go somewhere else and get paid to enjoy my job. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. The best part is, I fired off about 7-8 resumes on Monday and 3 different camps have already approached me, showing interest in my experience and wanting an interview. I've decided to go with the first one, mostly because it's easily accessible, has a great looking site and is paying me more than the minimum I was asking for - plus all the other camp websites I found usually listed lower pay scales, so I know I wouldn't make much better elsewhere. The camp's site is www.maromac.com. Check out the cabins and the bird's eye view. The counselors are really well treated, lots of activities after hours and trips to the local towns on our days off for festivals and movies, etc. I've never done something like this before, so I'm getting extremely psyched. It's a long way away though so I'll have to put it out of my mind for some time.
I feel as though there was something else I wanted to talk about, but if there is, it completely escapes me. See you in another month?