Culture Shock (or, Ramblings of a White Christian-Born American Norm)
I learned the other day that this music artist I like is a member of the furry community. I was all ready to pay money for his work, and then I started looking more into the artist, and my first reaction was just, "Oh. Maybe not." It squicked me, even though it didn't mean anything sexual. All of his albums have different animals on them, but I had never really noticed before then -- all of them were his "avatars," or alter egos, with different names and music production styles and everything.
And then I checked myself, and realized I don't really know why it bothers me so much. I'm being prejudiced, which kind of horrifies me, and I can't seem to logically think of a reason "being a furry" (or even just identifying yourself that way) should bother me. But it does. I guess it just seems so far removed from what I've been brought up to consider normal that I can't even imagine it, and like anyone, I am afraid of the unknown.
I've heard over and over that people from offbeat subcultures are often some of the most friendly, interesting people you will meet, but I've never seemed to be able to accept that in my mind. Even though I've been pondering lately whether being innocent and learning to "play" as an adult is one of the ways to be truly happy, there's still this invisible line in my brain that says, "I didn't mean it like that." I saw pictures of this guy's room, full of superhero posters and shelves of video games, and I could hear my Dad's voice in my head, saying, "He needs to grow up. He's too old for all of that." (I think he's about the same age I am.)
My automatic reaction is just that, an automatic reaction, and doesn't really mean anything. But that begs the question, how do I evaluate someone whose lifestyle differs so drastically from my own? If I believe in right and wrong, what are the actual criteria for such things? Where is the line between psychologically "healthy" and "unhealthy"? If there is no harm being done to anyone, no crime, no victim, why should I be so opposed to this culture? When does a culture stop being a culture and start being a cult? (I would argue when you stop being able to see/identify with the viewpoint of someone outside the cult(ure). That's what it means to be brainwashed -- to not be able to think outside the framework you live in. But then, to what extent is any culture at least partially a cult? When do the normal pressures of being a social being in community with others become too much?)
In addition, I ran across, nearly at the same time, someone writing about the concept of amae in Japanese culture. Amae connotes a positive form of indulgence: "[Amae is] when you desire to be loved, you desire someone to take care of you, when you want unconsciously to be depending on another person (your parents, your wife/husband or even your boss) with a certain meaning of submission." It is "the feeling of need, and the feeling of being nurtured. The love that we feel from our parents from the moment of birth, that someone answers our needs without being asked."
I loved this concept. I am still pondering over it and reading about it. The idea that a culture should value child-like behavior, that "when the husband arrives home drunk, the woman, instead of scolding him, she just helps him to undress and go to bed" should be not some sign of co-dependence, but rather a recognition of our humanity and our need, was and is fascinating to me.
My brother scolds me a lot for changing my mind -- I may have one philosophical opinion one day and another the next, I may hate a game or book the first time I encounter it and fall in love with it the next. But it did surprise me about myself that I should react so differently to two such strange cultural ideas on the same day -- embracing one and being repulsed by the other. I countered my repulsion, of course, and tried to educate myself about what it means to be a furry, what it involves and why someone might be one, and I feel I came away more aware and enlightened. But it still makes me uneasy.
The same is true of role-playing -- whether it's LARPing, or D&D, or LJ roleplaying (which I did try out for a while), I still feel this deep sense of "this is wrong. People shouldn't be spending their time pretending to have someone else's life. They should be putting that effort into living their own life and making themselves happy." I think this is a legitimate objection; I don't think escapism is healthy. There's something that distinctly bothers me about taking on another identity. Even though we all take on different "roles" in our lives, there's something that seems self-deluded in saying, "I am this other person" -- not, "I want to be this other person", but "I am in fact already this other person," or even "I spend a lot of time pretending to be this other person." And yet when children play pretend, we find it endearing. (Mystifying, to me, to be honest, and maybe that's a part of all this, but still "healthy" and not "weird"). And I've heard LJRPers say that they write this or that character as a way of "chilling out" or "just for laughs", so maybe for them it's just a game.
And I find that some of the people I encounter who are avid role-players, or furries, or goths, or otherwise "weird", are people I admire very much. The person who introduced me to amae was a role-player. My brother plays D&D. And I still like Renard Queenston's music, even if that's not his real name and he considers himself an androgynous foxcoon. I'm not sure how to reconcile my desire to hear what these people have to say with my instinctive distaste for their choices. I'm certainly not judging the people -- they're wonderful people -- and I'd like to think that I can dislike a lifestyle without disapproving of the person who chooses it. And yet, I can't, I find it all still seeps in. Like people who watch professional wrestling entertainment like WWF or Jersey Shore -- I think it's utterly retarded, and find that creeps into what I think of those people, too. But I watch my own reality TV shows, too -- am I just a huge hypocrite?
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. It really bothers me, especially here in Texas, when someone pre-judges gays or black for being gay or black, and yet, I have the same boundaries, just in different places. I don't really know what to think. Maybe I should travel and see the world through different eyes, or make more diverse friends. Maybe there isn't a truth that can be expressed the way we normally think of it. I don't know.
"This is my voice. There are many like it, but this one is mine." -- Shane Koyczan
And then I checked myself, and realized I don't really know why it bothers me so much. I'm being prejudiced, which kind of horrifies me, and I can't seem to logically think of a reason "being a furry" (or even just identifying yourself that way) should bother me. But it does. I guess it just seems so far removed from what I've been brought up to consider normal that I can't even imagine it, and like anyone, I am afraid of the unknown.
I've heard over and over that people from offbeat subcultures are often some of the most friendly, interesting people you will meet, but I've never seemed to be able to accept that in my mind. Even though I've been pondering lately whether being innocent and learning to "play" as an adult is one of the ways to be truly happy, there's still this invisible line in my brain that says, "I didn't mean it like that." I saw pictures of this guy's room, full of superhero posters and shelves of video games, and I could hear my Dad's voice in my head, saying, "He needs to grow up. He's too old for all of that." (I think he's about the same age I am.)
My automatic reaction is just that, an automatic reaction, and doesn't really mean anything. But that begs the question, how do I evaluate someone whose lifestyle differs so drastically from my own? If I believe in right and wrong, what are the actual criteria for such things? Where is the line between psychologically "healthy" and "unhealthy"? If there is no harm being done to anyone, no crime, no victim, why should I be so opposed to this culture? When does a culture stop being a culture and start being a cult? (I would argue when you stop being able to see/identify with the viewpoint of someone outside the cult(ure). That's what it means to be brainwashed -- to not be able to think outside the framework you live in. But then, to what extent is any culture at least partially a cult? When do the normal pressures of being a social being in community with others become too much?)
In addition, I ran across, nearly at the same time, someone writing about the concept of amae in Japanese culture. Amae connotes a positive form of indulgence: "[Amae is] when you desire to be loved, you desire someone to take care of you, when you want unconsciously to be depending on another person (your parents, your wife/husband or even your boss) with a certain meaning of submission." It is "the feeling of need, and the feeling of being nurtured. The love that we feel from our parents from the moment of birth, that someone answers our needs without being asked."
I loved this concept. I am still pondering over it and reading about it. The idea that a culture should value child-like behavior, that "when the husband arrives home drunk, the woman, instead of scolding him, she just helps him to undress and go to bed" should be not some sign of co-dependence, but rather a recognition of our humanity and our need, was and is fascinating to me.
My brother scolds me a lot for changing my mind -- I may have one philosophical opinion one day and another the next, I may hate a game or book the first time I encounter it and fall in love with it the next. But it did surprise me about myself that I should react so differently to two such strange cultural ideas on the same day -- embracing one and being repulsed by the other. I countered my repulsion, of course, and tried to educate myself about what it means to be a furry, what it involves and why someone might be one, and I feel I came away more aware and enlightened. But it still makes me uneasy.
The same is true of role-playing -- whether it's LARPing, or D&D, or LJ roleplaying (which I did try out for a while), I still feel this deep sense of "this is wrong. People shouldn't be spending their time pretending to have someone else's life. They should be putting that effort into living their own life and making themselves happy." I think this is a legitimate objection; I don't think escapism is healthy. There's something that distinctly bothers me about taking on another identity. Even though we all take on different "roles" in our lives, there's something that seems self-deluded in saying, "I am this other person" -- not, "I want to be this other person", but "I am in fact already this other person," or even "I spend a lot of time pretending to be this other person." And yet when children play pretend, we find it endearing. (Mystifying, to me, to be honest, and maybe that's a part of all this, but still "healthy" and not "weird"). And I've heard LJRPers say that they write this or that character as a way of "chilling out" or "just for laughs", so maybe for them it's just a game.
And I find that some of the people I encounter who are avid role-players, or furries, or goths, or otherwise "weird", are people I admire very much. The person who introduced me to amae was a role-player. My brother plays D&D. And I still like Renard Queenston's music, even if that's not his real name and he considers himself an androgynous foxcoon. I'm not sure how to reconcile my desire to hear what these people have to say with my instinctive distaste for their choices. I'm certainly not judging the people -- they're wonderful people -- and I'd like to think that I can dislike a lifestyle without disapproving of the person who chooses it. And yet, I can't, I find it all still seeps in. Like people who watch professional wrestling entertainment like WWF or Jersey Shore -- I think it's utterly retarded, and find that creeps into what I think of those people, too. But I watch my own reality TV shows, too -- am I just a huge hypocrite?
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. It really bothers me, especially here in Texas, when someone pre-judges gays or black for being gay or black, and yet, I have the same boundaries, just in different places. I don't really know what to think. Maybe I should travel and see the world through different eyes, or make more diverse friends. Maybe there isn't a truth that can be expressed the way we normally think of it. I don't know.
"This is my voice. There are many like it, but this one is mine." -- Shane Koyczan