Mr. ice cream man
There will always be a time when doing your best is not enough. When you've exhausted entire supplies of energy, time, and effort. Don't get me wrong, I want to help, I want to spend my time and energy for what I think is best. But i'm at one of those parts in my life when I can't think or feel of what to do. Everything I do, to the best of my abilities and my efforts are still wasted. I am still human, with my set of fundamental flaws and fragile mind and body. But just because I knowingly admit my own shortcomings is no reason for anyone to look down upon me. Everyone is still human, with your own set of flaws and quirks. I try and help myself as well as those around me, but I can only do so much. expectations and generalizations made have no place in the judgement of another person. Sure I go speechless, sure I hang on every word, sure I go out of my way to try and make people feel better, sure I spend hours of my days wondering what it is that's bothering some people. I'm trying to help because I want to help. I'm trying to be there for people who ask it of me because I want to be there for them. That doesn't mean I'm a bad person and it certainly doesn't mean that I have ulterior motives or expect anything in return...
But like I said before, it just is never good enough. It's like going to the ice cream man to buy ice cubes. Oddball analogy but it serves the same purpose. You want ice cream and I've only got one of the ingredients. Even if it's triple-distilled, imported ice cubes from antarctica 2 miles beneath the surface; it still isn't ice cream without the milk, sugar, and flavoring. My best just isn't what's needed in some situations.. makes me sad every once in a while.
I don't know what people expect me ot say or do. I reckon that's because I've had many sides of myself torn out, chewed up, and regurgitated that I become confused and lost from one situation to the next. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some vendetta against some illusionary problem. This isn't some drawn out, dramatic plea for whatever the fuck people are thinking. If it does sound like it, I apologize. and if that ain't good enough... ::shrug:: too bad, cuz that's all you're gonna get. This is my real, motherfuckin' life. I do what is asked of me to the best of my own ability and discretion. I try and help people in whatever shape or form but don't forget that I've got my own set of desires and wanton needs. If there's something you want from me, let me know. I only have os many options open to me, I've got to work with what I've got.
Day in and day out, I question myself too. I ask questions of why things are the way they are, I ask when things will change, and how they'll change. but that's not to say that I am discontent with what and who i am now... You're not the only one lost in your own opera of internal monologues. You're not the only one trying to make a couple bucks so you can go out with the buddies once in a while. You're not the only one whose got ambitious dreams and goals that who knows will ever come true. You're not the only one who looks in the mirror and has no idea who you're looking at. Don't misunderstand me and don't underestimate me. I'm already doing my best so judge me as you will.
But like I said before, it just is never good enough. It's like going to the ice cream man to buy ice cubes. Oddball analogy but it serves the same purpose. You want ice cream and I've only got one of the ingredients. Even if it's triple-distilled, imported ice cubes from antarctica 2 miles beneath the surface; it still isn't ice cream without the milk, sugar, and flavoring. My best just isn't what's needed in some situations.. makes me sad every once in a while.
I don't know what people expect me ot say or do. I reckon that's because I've had many sides of myself torn out, chewed up, and regurgitated that I become confused and lost from one situation to the next. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some vendetta against some illusionary problem. This isn't some drawn out, dramatic plea for whatever the fuck people are thinking. If it does sound like it, I apologize. and if that ain't good enough... ::shrug:: too bad, cuz that's all you're gonna get. This is my real, motherfuckin' life. I do what is asked of me to the best of my own ability and discretion. I try and help people in whatever shape or form but don't forget that I've got my own set of desires and wanton needs. If there's something you want from me, let me know. I only have os many options open to me, I've got to work with what I've got.
Day in and day out, I question myself too. I ask questions of why things are the way they are, I ask when things will change, and how they'll change. but that's not to say that I am discontent with what and who i am now... You're not the only one lost in your own opera of internal monologues. You're not the only one trying to make a couple bucks so you can go out with the buddies once in a while. You're not the only one whose got ambitious dreams and goals that who knows will ever come true. You're not the only one who looks in the mirror and has no idea who you're looking at. Don't misunderstand me and don't underestimate me. I'm already doing my best so judge me as you will.