Thesis of my life
You know, it's strange. From the time I began this journal many, many, many moons ago, I was fairly consistent with the updates and the postings from my life. Gradually, the posts began to become shorter and occasionally, an update would be sprinkled with comments from my love life -- or lack thereof.
This is no different.
If it's one thing I strive to do (whether successfully or not), it's to live a life of no regrets. I admit, I fuck up on a rather regular basis, but I am who I am because of the choices I've made and the mistakes I've committed. Frankly, I'm happy with who I am despite a few shortcomings, so what's there to regret?
As the minutes turn into days and eventually years, I've come to realize that no longer can I sit looking 3 days into the future, but I must start looking weeks, months, and sometimes years into the future. The choices I make now could impact the future I've yet to live. Now, the keyword is "could."
I made a choice all of about 72 hours ago that I would finally do something worthwhile. Throw caution into the wind (while throw being a relative term for me, not you), and take action. The future-to-be will not come to pass without action, so I have to get moving eventually, no? Now, in my life there are but a few things that I hold dear: rowing, friends, family, and what I deem, a well-rounded nature. The latter doesn't necessarily mean I'm the most social person or well-learned person out there; it simply states that I'm a jack-of-all-trades -- a conversationalist in many areas.
What I've come to realize time and time again is that one of the trades I'm not even remotely quasi-proficient at is the "talk to women" trade. It's a tough field, that last one. I could probably tell you every major crush I've had in the last 10 years and also tell you how many times I took action. Let's just say I could lose a hand and a few fingers in a freak accident and still have enough digits to keep count. Truly, the fairer sex is the bane of my existence.
So, back to three days ago, I've decided to take action. Now, I've seen it all. From the cheesy pick-up lines to the Hollywood serendipitous encounters, I've got them all committed to memory. This large inventory from which to pick and choose yields, what I feel is, the best idea -- note passing. Fuck the cheesy pick-up lines. Fuck lady luck. I'm goin' elementary school and doing it a la "circle yes or no."
Good idea, right? Not overly cheesed up like a pick-up line, not entirely dependent on the Fates, just a dash of both with a sprinkle of humour to lighten the awkward mood. Again, good idea, right? Apparently not.
Working every angle in my head and innumerable outcomes and situations still was not enough to prepare me for what was come (or not to come, take your pick). Now, the question was stated and a choice presented, yes or no. Upon waiting for a reply, what do I get? Nothing. Nothing, not in the sense of a "no" answer but in a Neverending Story "nothing" sort of way. The nothingness consumed me and any hope and dream I had of moving on to Phase 2. The phrase "c'est la vie" comes to mind, but is that really enough? Does taking action entail accepting the first realistic outcome? Does my hand become void because something didn't work out?
All questions I must answer if I'm ever to overcome this hump of women. Perhaps I'm overthinking things as I do most/all things in life. The right answer is usually the simplest answer. In this case, I believe the simplest answer is that she was too shy to respond either way. Action must be taken v.1.5. And I have one day to do it. Mr. Clutch, the field is yours.
You folk out in lj-land probably won't read this in its entirety so let me help you out. To paraphase: my balls went on vacation, but I won't keep it from me reaching an acceptable outcome. The end.
Oh, and yes, there are butterflies when she's around.
Those bastards don't take rejection very well.
This is no different.
If it's one thing I strive to do (whether successfully or not), it's to live a life of no regrets. I admit, I fuck up on a rather regular basis, but I am who I am because of the choices I've made and the mistakes I've committed. Frankly, I'm happy with who I am despite a few shortcomings, so what's there to regret?
As the minutes turn into days and eventually years, I've come to realize that no longer can I sit looking 3 days into the future, but I must start looking weeks, months, and sometimes years into the future. The choices I make now could impact the future I've yet to live. Now, the keyword is "could."
I made a choice all of about 72 hours ago that I would finally do something worthwhile. Throw caution into the wind (while throw being a relative term for me, not you), and take action. The future-to-be will not come to pass without action, so I have to get moving eventually, no? Now, in my life there are but a few things that I hold dear: rowing, friends, family, and what I deem, a well-rounded nature. The latter doesn't necessarily mean I'm the most social person or well-learned person out there; it simply states that I'm a jack-of-all-trades -- a conversationalist in many areas.
What I've come to realize time and time again is that one of the trades I'm not even remotely quasi-proficient at is the "talk to women" trade. It's a tough field, that last one. I could probably tell you every major crush I've had in the last 10 years and also tell you how many times I took action. Let's just say I could lose a hand and a few fingers in a freak accident and still have enough digits to keep count. Truly, the fairer sex is the bane of my existence.
So, back to three days ago, I've decided to take action. Now, I've seen it all. From the cheesy pick-up lines to the Hollywood serendipitous encounters, I've got them all committed to memory. This large inventory from which to pick and choose yields, what I feel is, the best idea -- note passing. Fuck the cheesy pick-up lines. Fuck lady luck. I'm goin' elementary school and doing it a la "circle yes or no."
Good idea, right? Not overly cheesed up like a pick-up line, not entirely dependent on the Fates, just a dash of both with a sprinkle of humour to lighten the awkward mood. Again, good idea, right? Apparently not.
Working every angle in my head and innumerable outcomes and situations still was not enough to prepare me for what was come (or not to come, take your pick). Now, the question was stated and a choice presented, yes or no. Upon waiting for a reply, what do I get? Nothing. Nothing, not in the sense of a "no" answer but in a Neverending Story "nothing" sort of way. The nothingness consumed me and any hope and dream I had of moving on to Phase 2. The phrase "c'est la vie" comes to mind, but is that really enough? Does taking action entail accepting the first realistic outcome? Does my hand become void because something didn't work out?
All questions I must answer if I'm ever to overcome this hump of women. Perhaps I'm overthinking things as I do most/all things in life. The right answer is usually the simplest answer. In this case, I believe the simplest answer is that she was too shy to respond either way. Action must be taken v.1.5. And I have one day to do it. Mr. Clutch, the field is yours.
You folk out in lj-land probably won't read this in its entirety so let me help you out. To paraphase: my balls went on vacation, but I won't keep it from me reaching an acceptable outcome. The end.
Oh, and yes, there are butterflies when she's around.
Those bastards don't take rejection very well.