/ :
wow, i've can't recall when the last time i cried so much / :
last night was so much fun thanks raychelle
shes awesome, she threw me a surprise party :]
but i did cry after the party when i was in her room on the phone.
i don't know whats been wrong with me lately.
i have had these retarded break downs and i just cry and cry.
i feel like doing things. crazy things. fuck. i'm stupid i need to get help.
but eh whatever. reading that book impulse fucked up my way of thinking.
"i'm a loser and thats all i'll ever be"
"whats the point of living life, if your going to live to get old and wrinkly?"
idk i'm so fucked up in the head. i hope i don't do something i'm going to regret.
on a happier note though. theres this boy. i know i have a boyfriend [jacob]
but this one boy, i know i'll never get to have, but yet. when i talk to him
my heart beats really fast. and i get all nervous, and my knees tend to weaken,
and my arms feel like jello, my stomach fills with butterflies, and i get a little light headed.
the feeling is so incredible[sp?] but eh whatever. he has a girlfriend, and i have a boyfriend.
but that feeling totally kicks ass :]
i want to start a new hobbie. i feel like writing.
getting to characters heads and molding them to what i want them to think, feel, and want.
i don't know. hahah. i'm weird. and i can feel myself changing. i don't know if its good or bad.
but it's going to be something completely new for me.
i want soccer season to start. i miss playing. really bad. and i miss marching band.
and school. / : gahhh we still have like 1 month left of summer still fuck.
this sucks lmao. well yeah i have nothing else to say so peace
last night was so much fun thanks raychelle
shes awesome, she threw me a surprise party :]
but i did cry after the party when i was in her room on the phone.
i don't know whats been wrong with me lately.
i have had these retarded break downs and i just cry and cry.
i feel like doing things. crazy things. fuck. i'm stupid i need to get help.
but eh whatever. reading that book impulse fucked up my way of thinking.
"i'm a loser and thats all i'll ever be"
"whats the point of living life, if your going to live to get old and wrinkly?"
idk i'm so fucked up in the head. i hope i don't do something i'm going to regret.
on a happier note though. theres this boy. i know i have a boyfriend [jacob]
but this one boy, i know i'll never get to have, but yet. when i talk to him
my heart beats really fast. and i get all nervous, and my knees tend to weaken,
and my arms feel like jello, my stomach fills with butterflies, and i get a little light headed.
the feeling is so incredible[sp?] but eh whatever. he has a girlfriend, and i have a boyfriend.
but that feeling totally kicks ass :]
i want to start a new hobbie. i feel like writing.
getting to characters heads and molding them to what i want them to think, feel, and want.
i don't know. hahah. i'm weird. and i can feel myself changing. i don't know if its good or bad.
but it's going to be something completely new for me.
i want soccer season to start. i miss playing. really bad. and i miss marching band.
and school. / : gahhh we still have like 1 month left of summer still fuck.
this sucks lmao. well yeah i have nothing else to say so peace