Pressure rising
It's been going on for weeks. I seriously need a break. Just a day will do.
I need to stop thinking about things at work. I have grown to hate thinking. Thinking. One of my favorite things to do. And the writing that comes with it.
I just want to stop for a while. Just stop thinking for a while. I want to revive that zest for sharing thoughts, emotions, and images through words. I need to remember how it feels like, being responsible for what people see everyday. What it feels like to influence their mood and their actions.
I need to realign with myself from 3 years ago. That Az ever so eager to harpoon people with shocking ideas and realizations. That Az that wanted to remind people of the things that really mattered.
Why have I suddenly lost interest in writing? Now now, when it has become the core of my job! Not now when I'm in my most coveted entry-level position! Not now!
Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion. I do like writing. I love it. As much as I love looking at paintings, sketching in vain, and getting high on music.
I have become empty and lifeless. What the hell. The only rousing emotion in me is an awkward kind of temporary hatred. I kinda hate my boss right now, but everyone knows I can't hate him. He's my mentor and he's helping me pull through. I could only let off a sigh as a sign of disappointment - not in him, but on me. I just don't know why I can't seem to fit his standards, why I can't write the way he wants me to. Why can't I produce the smart, witty things he does? Why?
And he keeps on telling me, be the poet first before the advertiser. Be the artist first before the businessman.
God knows I am a living testament to that credo. I hate commerce and the only thing making me sound business-like is my lack of emotion to these things called products.
It's really, really hard to pretend that I give a shit about these things. Too mundane. Too worldly.
Hey, but that's what I've gotten myself into, right? Advertising. Worldly things galore.
CONTRADICTION.
I need to stop thinking about things at work. I have grown to hate thinking. Thinking. One of my favorite things to do. And the writing that comes with it.
I just want to stop for a while. Just stop thinking for a while. I want to revive that zest for sharing thoughts, emotions, and images through words. I need to remember how it feels like, being responsible for what people see everyday. What it feels like to influence their mood and their actions.
I need to realign with myself from 3 years ago. That Az ever so eager to harpoon people with shocking ideas and realizations. That Az that wanted to remind people of the things that really mattered.
Why have I suddenly lost interest in writing? Now now, when it has become the core of my job! Not now when I'm in my most coveted entry-level position! Not now!
Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion. I do like writing. I love it. As much as I love looking at paintings, sketching in vain, and getting high on music.
I have become empty and lifeless. What the hell. The only rousing emotion in me is an awkward kind of temporary hatred. I kinda hate my boss right now, but everyone knows I can't hate him. He's my mentor and he's helping me pull through. I could only let off a sigh as a sign of disappointment - not in him, but on me. I just don't know why I can't seem to fit his standards, why I can't write the way he wants me to. Why can't I produce the smart, witty things he does? Why?
And he keeps on telling me, be the poet first before the advertiser. Be the artist first before the businessman.
God knows I am a living testament to that credo. I hate commerce and the only thing making me sound business-like is my lack of emotion to these things called products.
It's really, really hard to pretend that I give a shit about these things. Too mundane. Too worldly.
Hey, but that's what I've gotten myself into, right? Advertising. Worldly things galore.
CONTRADICTION.