(no subject)
Everyday I'm finding a new way to cope. Sometimes I'm more upset than I was the day before. I don't know what it is. I'm not being treated horribly. I'm not doing anything wrong. It's just that as my days go by, I'm finding more and more reason to stray away and hide within myself from these people I thought I was way close to. It's reasonable. People say you lose so many after high school. I can see how that comes into play. While half of my friends are fucking around, I'm working my ass off and trying to manager work and homework.
I get so irritated with people that have comfortable lives, especially if they undermine my ability or what I do for certain people, such as my family. I get infuriated when someone insults them.
So I'm gradually becoming invisible. I know I am. They know I am.
But we expected it?
Sometimes I get tired of trying.
And you know what?
I hate myself for thinking that way.
Saturday night, I went to a Marriott in Austin as moral support for Jesika.
Jesika and Mikeal got shitfaced, and Melissa drank a bit.
Jesika was so drunk that she wouldn't move. She would just sit there and vomit. She'd fall out of the car when we tried to get her to vomit outside of yet. Yeah, she'd land in her vomit. I'd slip in it. She vomitted all over Melissa, all over me, all over my house at 5:30 in the morning.
We had to make like, six stops. We stopped once on the side of the street, once at Walmart, again on a street, AGAIN on a street, somewhere near Bowman... ugh. Towards the last stop, it was like 4 something and I couldn't get her back in the car. Melissa and I kept trying to pick her up and kept trying to talk to her and she kept saying that she didn't care.
So she slipped from our grasp, Melissa and I had fun falling in her vomit.
We tried once more but she just fell on me and I ended up in the car instead of her.
Melissa and I just looked at each other
and I started crying.
I was really pathetic. I'm never offering to be driver again, let alone have everyone come to my house like that. I was so fucking embarrassed when my mom watched Melissa and me carry my best fucking friend in, when she's half dressed and can barely open her eyes because she's so fucking wasted.
Mikeal was there the entire time, drunk as hell, too. He just didn't make us carry him everywhere.
I think he may have thought the entire thing was reaalllyy funny...
But I was so scared. You know what it's like to stay up until like, 8, making sure your friend doesn't drown in her own vomit?
I don't have a license, and I drove three people that had been drinking to my house!
My mom, what was she supposed to think?
Melissa was with me that night, but the fact that she had a couple drinks and she had more patience with them...I don't know.
I felt so fucking alone.
I feel like that a lot now.
Jesika hasn't even fucking called me these past two days.
So, she'll know that I'm upset when she sees me at school.
Ahh.
See?
Tired of trying.
I'm done.
I get so irritated with people that have comfortable lives, especially if they undermine my ability or what I do for certain people, such as my family. I get infuriated when someone insults them.
So I'm gradually becoming invisible. I know I am. They know I am.
But we expected it?
Sometimes I get tired of trying.
And you know what?
I hate myself for thinking that way.
Saturday night, I went to a Marriott in Austin as moral support for Jesika.
Jesika and Mikeal got shitfaced, and Melissa drank a bit.
Jesika was so drunk that she wouldn't move. She would just sit there and vomit. She'd fall out of the car when we tried to get her to vomit outside of yet. Yeah, she'd land in her vomit. I'd slip in it. She vomitted all over Melissa, all over me, all over my house at 5:30 in the morning.
We had to make like, six stops. We stopped once on the side of the street, once at Walmart, again on a street, AGAIN on a street, somewhere near Bowman... ugh. Towards the last stop, it was like 4 something and I couldn't get her back in the car. Melissa and I kept trying to pick her up and kept trying to talk to her and she kept saying that she didn't care.
So she slipped from our grasp, Melissa and I had fun falling in her vomit.
We tried once more but she just fell on me and I ended up in the car instead of her.
Melissa and I just looked at each other
and I started crying.
I was really pathetic. I'm never offering to be driver again, let alone have everyone come to my house like that. I was so fucking embarrassed when my mom watched Melissa and me carry my best fucking friend in, when she's half dressed and can barely open her eyes because she's so fucking wasted.
Mikeal was there the entire time, drunk as hell, too. He just didn't make us carry him everywhere.
I think he may have thought the entire thing was reaalllyy funny...
But I was so scared. You know what it's like to stay up until like, 8, making sure your friend doesn't drown in her own vomit?
I don't have a license, and I drove three people that had been drinking to my house!
My mom, what was she supposed to think?
Melissa was with me that night, but the fact that she had a couple drinks and she had more patience with them...I don't know.
I felt so fucking alone.
I feel like that a lot now.
Jesika hasn't even fucking called me these past two days.
So, she'll know that I'm upset when she sees me at school.
Ahh.
See?
Tired of trying.
I'm done.