Changes

[azlizard619]

That's been the word of the month for me...life changes, physical changes...nothing has been the same for me from week to week, or even day to day. I've started seeing this as a grand adventure. I wake up everyday and wonder what new or exciting thing is going to happen. Am I going to look or feel different? How am I going to feel today about the actions of the people I'm around? My mood and thoughts change so much from one minute to the next. It's so hard to explain to anyone...I have so many thoughts running through my mind, so many emotions to sort through...I'm not complaining at all! It's just a new world to me. I'm living in the same place, seeing the same people, and yet it's completely different. I'm not a completely new person, I'm the same person, just with something added that I haven't fully come to apperciate yet. I notice I'm more cautious about everything, more understanding, more flexible with my plans...it's so amazing how these changes have come and made a difference in just 2 weeks. And what else is going to change over the course of the next year? How much of me will I recognize when this is all said and done? Once again, I'm not complaining or being pessimistic...I'm just curious to know what I've truly gotten myself into. I wonder if I'm the only person that feels this way...does Chris sit on the porch in Frostburg drinking his cup of coffee thinking the same thing? Does my mother wonder how being a grandmother is going to change her life? I don't know...I don't ask...it would be one more thing on my mind. I know I'm always thinking about being a mother. It's a constant thought that doesn't go away...every bite of food I eat, every glass of water I drink, every nap I take...it's not just for me. And nothing else I ever do will be just for me. I have a child and a family to think about...and that's a concept I haven't really taken a hold of yet. Sometimes I think I have to work at being this person that is capable of handling all this responsibility...but then sometimes I just notice that I'm all ready becoming that person...and it wasn't a task and it wasn't something I had to try at...it merely happened overnight without me even realizing it. It really is amazing. And to think that this is only the beginning...that I have months and years to enjoy this brand new life...I don't think there are words that can describe the feeling I have when I look at my emerging stomach and know that a new life is growing, moving, thriving inside of me. That something so spectacular, a miracle, is only a heartbeat away...what have I ever done with my life to deserve something so beautiful?

With all this on my mind...people wonder why I can't sleep at night, or why I get up so early every morning when I don't have to...I can't imagine not spending every precious moment I can experiancing this joy!

~*Jen and wittle baby*~