Girlfriend 101
1. Constantly touch her in public. You need to show everyone that she is your property.
2. Tell everyone every sexual thing you do to her. What's the point of living if you can't brag about it?
3. Call her all the time, every 20 minutes at the most. When you're not calling her, drive by her house or hide in the bushes and try to stare at her window.
4. Make the first move. And if she says "no" or "stop", don't listen. She's just being a prude, frigid bitch.
5. When you hold her hand, move it to your dick.
6. When you have sleepovers, make sure you fall asleep once she's done sucking your cock or she'll try to talk your ear off all night, and as we all know girls have nothing good to say.
7. Tell her she looks like shit even if she doesn't, if she gets any self-esteem she'll probably leave you.
8. Just as she is falling asleep, slap her across the face with your cock. Sweet dreams baby.
9. Constantly compare her unfavorably to ex-girlfriends, tell her "well you're alright at giving head but you're no (insert name here)". That way she'll get better.
10. Ask about ex-boyfriends. Find out names, addresses, physical descriptions. Vandalize their houses and if you see them within a mile of your girl, beat the shit out of them.
11. Find her car somewhere and smash all the windows. This will make her feel scared and vulnerable so she'll give up the choch easier.
12. When you both wake up in the morning, pretend you have no idea who she is.
13. Flirt like you used to when you were 10 - rub glue in her hair and push her down flights of stairs.
14. If you go out to dinner, make her pay. That way she'll be more willing to stay in the kitchen (where she belongs) and cook for you.
15. Be a complete asshole at her house. Call her little brother a bitch and drop hints to mom and dad about what a little slut their daughter is.
16. When you're having a crappy day, take it out on her. Think of her as a punching bag with a pussy.
17. Learn good table manners. The phrase is "PLEASE pass the salt, you servant wench"
18. Don't ever say "I love you" unless it's the only way she'll let you fuck her.
19. Don't tell her anything but lies. Don't show her the real you. Just be a cold, robot-like asshole and make sure you stop talking to her as soon as she doesn't want to get you off anymore.
If the relationship gets serious, that's all you need to know.
2. Tell everyone every sexual thing you do to her. What's the point of living if you can't brag about it?
3. Call her all the time, every 20 minutes at the most. When you're not calling her, drive by her house or hide in the bushes and try to stare at her window.
4. Make the first move. And if she says "no" or "stop", don't listen. She's just being a prude, frigid bitch.
5. When you hold her hand, move it to your dick.
6. When you have sleepovers, make sure you fall asleep once she's done sucking your cock or she'll try to talk your ear off all night, and as we all know girls have nothing good to say.
7. Tell her she looks like shit even if she doesn't, if she gets any self-esteem she'll probably leave you.
8. Just as she is falling asleep, slap her across the face with your cock. Sweet dreams baby.
9. Constantly compare her unfavorably to ex-girlfriends, tell her "well you're alright at giving head but you're no (insert name here)". That way she'll get better.
10. Ask about ex-boyfriends. Find out names, addresses, physical descriptions. Vandalize their houses and if you see them within a mile of your girl, beat the shit out of them.
11. Find her car somewhere and smash all the windows. This will make her feel scared and vulnerable so she'll give up the choch easier.
12. When you both wake up in the morning, pretend you have no idea who she is.
13. Flirt like you used to when you were 10 - rub glue in her hair and push her down flights of stairs.
14. If you go out to dinner, make her pay. That way she'll be more willing to stay in the kitchen (where she belongs) and cook for you.
15. Be a complete asshole at her house. Call her little brother a bitch and drop hints to mom and dad about what a little slut their daughter is.
16. When you're having a crappy day, take it out on her. Think of her as a punching bag with a pussy.
17. Learn good table manners. The phrase is "PLEASE pass the salt, you servant wench"
18. Don't ever say "I love you" unless it's the only way she'll let you fuck her.
19. Don't tell her anything but lies. Don't show her the real you. Just be a cold, robot-like asshole and make sure you stop talking to her as soon as she doesn't want to get you off anymore.
If the relationship gets serious, that's all you need to know.