Upon further evaluation of one's state of being
one finds himself, and his state of being, wanting.
This could be emo entry number 23948703297423, or it could be the most important thing you ever read. Or both. Or maybe you'll never read this, which begs the question, who am i typing this to?
I've sat here at my computer screen all weekend. A few mild accomplishments in a videogame and one sleepless night leave me feeling rather empty. Sunday, October 2, 2005, David feels very very empty.
Not that it really makes sense to say "very empty" because empty is by definition, empty. I can't be any more empty than any other thing that's empty. empty is empty is empty. The only thing that changes is how big of a space it is. So i guess my emptiness equates to the space between a 5'6 1/2" 150lb male and his hopeless little existance.
When I say my existance is hopeless you have to understand that i'm not living within hope. hope implies a future, and i'm not living with that implication. I'm living in the here and now, the present, the culmination of the consequences of all of my choices and the choices of those who effect my life. living with hope for the future seems rather pointless when the future may never come. this isn't to say i don't wish for a better future, but in the meantime i can be as unhappy as i want with my current situation.
this entry was going to be much much longer and delve into my deeper problems and dissappointments and hopes and dreams and little fairy tales of joy that one as naive as me never quite let's go of, but i just lost the will to continue this.
i need something or someone (as the case generally seems to be, and i wouldn't particularly mind it) to hold onto that's more tangible than my lvl 60 undead warlock, or my lvl 18 female undead rogue (despite her kick ass name "Poota" and yes i know that's spelled wrong on purpose). i need somethign stable that just for a few minutes sometimes while i focus in that general direction everything seems like it's going to be ok.
This could be emo entry number 23948703297423, or it could be the most important thing you ever read. Or both. Or maybe you'll never read this, which begs the question, who am i typing this to?
I've sat here at my computer screen all weekend. A few mild accomplishments in a videogame and one sleepless night leave me feeling rather empty. Sunday, October 2, 2005, David feels very very empty.
Not that it really makes sense to say "very empty" because empty is by definition, empty. I can't be any more empty than any other thing that's empty. empty is empty is empty. The only thing that changes is how big of a space it is. So i guess my emptiness equates to the space between a 5'6 1/2" 150lb male and his hopeless little existance.
When I say my existance is hopeless you have to understand that i'm not living within hope. hope implies a future, and i'm not living with that implication. I'm living in the here and now, the present, the culmination of the consequences of all of my choices and the choices of those who effect my life. living with hope for the future seems rather pointless when the future may never come. this isn't to say i don't wish for a better future, but in the meantime i can be as unhappy as i want with my current situation.
this entry was going to be much much longer and delve into my deeper problems and dissappointments and hopes and dreams and little fairy tales of joy that one as naive as me never quite let's go of, but i just lost the will to continue this.
i need something or someone (as the case generally seems to be, and i wouldn't particularly mind it) to hold onto that's more tangible than my lvl 60 undead warlock, or my lvl 18 female undead rogue (despite her kick ass name "Poota" and yes i know that's spelled wrong on purpose). i need somethign stable that just for a few minutes sometimes while i focus in that general direction everything seems like it's going to be ok.