the weekend and stuff
SO!
Saturday morning felt pretty shit. Too much alcohol mixed with too much angst, and a decision about my life that no one else knows about. Somehow managed to drive home from geelong even though i was on the verge of chucking, even though i couldn't eat or drink anything thus was completely dry! The flatmates weren't pissed off that i was far too sick to go out that night, cos we were planning on a big one, me and Sue were gonna score dammit! I felt very guilty. Managed to eat a piece of toast before bed.
Sunday still felt pretty off. Could eat but not much, and felt totally dizzy. Sat down for an hour before driving to see my daddy. Still spewing pretty much all day. Parents told me i wasn't to go to work, so stayed there and called in sick next morning. And mum made me go to the specialist - so i wouldn't have to take more time off to see him. So he knew something was wrong with me and forced out my angst. Told me talk to mum but i've tried that and it didn't go well at all. And he also said 'alcohol is not the answer'. I thought at the time it was. Certainly made my life alot less painful. Til i started crying of course. Anyway, blood pressure a bit low, told me to go to hospital and get a blood test.
Hate blood tests but didn't worry too much cos yes i do have to get them fairly frequently. So, i'm sitting in the chair and the nurse says she has to take blood from my vain, as usual, and some from my artery - a blood gas thing. I still wasn't worried. Someone else was asking her to do something and she said she has that blood gas thing so it might take a while. I started to worry. She told me not to watch but i'd already seen the HUGE FUCK OFF NEEDLE she was about to shove into me!
She tried my left elbow, was fiddling around for ages trying to find an artery, she must've hit a nerve cos this awful pain shot down my arm, into my fingers. But she didn't get the blood. So, she bandaged me and broke my heart by saying she was gonna try again in my left wrist. More pain, and more not getting the blood. So they called the intern/registrar of my specialist to try from my right wrist. Still, nothing. At that time mum refused any more, I'm pretty sure i was too weak to comment. Could barely move my arm.
So, saw specialist again yesterday, but was all good, if my blood sugar levels are still a bit fucked. But really, i was talking to the nurse about drinking and how sure we are that we'll never drink again while sitting on the floor in front of the toilet. But seriously, i'm never drinking again just in case it involves getting those needles again. Shuddering right now at the thought. Also keep getting really painful twinges in my left arm.
Im sure the entire lj world missed me and that's why i haven't been around. 4 day hangover, what bullshit seriously!! But then haven't really been able to eat much lately without throwing it up even when i hadn't been drinking. I wonder if there's an eating disorder where the more you think about food the more you cant eat it/throw it up. I'm not forcing myself to throw up, but if i think about food that's my body's reaction. Maybe i'll look it up.
Saturday morning felt pretty shit. Too much alcohol mixed with too much angst, and a decision about my life that no one else knows about. Somehow managed to drive home from geelong even though i was on the verge of chucking, even though i couldn't eat or drink anything thus was completely dry! The flatmates weren't pissed off that i was far too sick to go out that night, cos we were planning on a big one, me and Sue were gonna score dammit! I felt very guilty. Managed to eat a piece of toast before bed.
Sunday still felt pretty off. Could eat but not much, and felt totally dizzy. Sat down for an hour before driving to see my daddy. Still spewing pretty much all day. Parents told me i wasn't to go to work, so stayed there and called in sick next morning. And mum made me go to the specialist - so i wouldn't have to take more time off to see him. So he knew something was wrong with me and forced out my angst. Told me talk to mum but i've tried that and it didn't go well at all. And he also said 'alcohol is not the answer'. I thought at the time it was. Certainly made my life alot less painful. Til i started crying of course. Anyway, blood pressure a bit low, told me to go to hospital and get a blood test.
Hate blood tests but didn't worry too much cos yes i do have to get them fairly frequently. So, i'm sitting in the chair and the nurse says she has to take blood from my vain, as usual, and some from my artery - a blood gas thing. I still wasn't worried. Someone else was asking her to do something and she said she has that blood gas thing so it might take a while. I started to worry. She told me not to watch but i'd already seen the HUGE FUCK OFF NEEDLE she was about to shove into me!
She tried my left elbow, was fiddling around for ages trying to find an artery, she must've hit a nerve cos this awful pain shot down my arm, into my fingers. But she didn't get the blood. So, she bandaged me and broke my heart by saying she was gonna try again in my left wrist. More pain, and more not getting the blood. So they called the intern/registrar of my specialist to try from my right wrist. Still, nothing. At that time mum refused any more, I'm pretty sure i was too weak to comment. Could barely move my arm.
So, saw specialist again yesterday, but was all good, if my blood sugar levels are still a bit fucked. But really, i was talking to the nurse about drinking and how sure we are that we'll never drink again while sitting on the floor in front of the toilet. But seriously, i'm never drinking again just in case it involves getting those needles again. Shuddering right now at the thought. Also keep getting really painful twinges in my left arm.
Im sure the entire lj world missed me and that's why i haven't been around. 4 day hangover, what bullshit seriously!! But then haven't really been able to eat much lately without throwing it up even when i hadn't been drinking. I wonder if there's an eating disorder where the more you think about food the more you cant eat it/throw it up. I'm not forcing myself to throw up, but if i think about food that's my body's reaction. Maybe i'll look it up.