(no subject)
Note: For all of you that think I'm insane or wierd or whatever else you might thing you can do one of two things. First, fuck off. Second, fuck off. Either way you're fucking off, so fuck off. Becuase I know damn well exactly how insane I am.
I've wasted so much more than time
and the one that pulled
I want as one
has now undone what came it be
known as our love
which could not contain
all that she'd become
I have been outdone
lying with my eyes wide open
cause I can't sleep at night
the world is much to cold
without someone to hold me
or to hold
that's the way it goes
and I always thought I would die
if you ever told me goodbye
and it wasn't till tonight
I found out I was right
I wasted almost all my life
being so afraid to fail
our hearts or try
I found a place to hide
I dove into you
I swam around
and drowned inside
but I'm not the boy that you destroyed
I'm stonger than he was
I had to be
to survive
I'm lucky to be alive
the me you left behind it still lying there
with his eyes froze open wide
and I always thought I would die
if you ever told me goodbye
but it wasn't until tonight
tonight
I found out I was right
-They Lied by the Smoking Popes
I have no idea if that's it and there was one part I couldn't understand but whatever.
Thirsty Thursday this week was alright I guess.
Kinda shitty as hell actually.
Probably one of the worst nights of my life.
Quite possibly the worst.
Scratch that. It was.
I can't believe I let it happen again. This is fucking rediculous.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I really shouldn't put all this whinny baby girl emo shit in here but whatever, it's my time to shine.
Here's the story Mourning Glory.
Wake up, do nothing, eat, do more of nothing, go to the house and hang out for a while. Things are fine, good friends, good drinks, good smokes. Good times. It was sweet becuase Dave was there. He's mexican. I haven't seen him in forever, it was nice to see him again. Night goes on, things are normal, lots of yelling (in a good way), lot's of fun, laughs, whatever else. Then Jackie, Becky, and Sarah show up. Sweet, more good times. Everyone is getting along nicely. Will Foley (Douche bag) gets kicked out, along with two other kids later in the night for being douches. Dance party was another great one. Times are great. Then Jackie takes me off to the side and basically tears me down so far.
It was your standard "We can never get back together, you're too nice and I like bad boys" bullshit. Worst part about it is that I can't really put anything in here about how fucking pissed off I was about that becuase she reads this. Anyhow, you can basically take what any normal suicidal kid would write about or do and take it to the hundreth power. Worst part about it is that all I did after that was basically sit around and feel sorry for myself the rest of the night. This was one of the few times that the "Fuck it" theory didn't work. (Any questions referring to said theory should be referred to me, I'll be more than happy to answer questions about it.)
So the girls left, didn't even say bye... bitches....
I stayed around for a while, felt horrible and drunk, a horrible combination. Tried to help John Benes for a while, silly bastard drank a little much. Left, went to Stef's, tried to forget my problems. I spent the rest of the night talking to Ryan, Stef, Jake, Rob, giant kid, Blake, and Jessica. Went home around 6:30ish. Decieded I needed to vent, typed this.
That was the night. Although it doesn't sound too bad, it was. Maybe if I didn't openly wear my heart on my arm for this girl I would be fine.
If you don't see me tomorrow or ever again I'm either dead, moved away, or you're just to stupid to not find me.
Speaking of being dead, does anybody (anybody includes Brandon, Mike, or anyone else) want to move away with me sometime soon and make a "scene" or something we can actually be proud of? I'm dead serious, I'm completely sick of everything right now, so sick I'd be happy with everyone finding me drowned in a toilet of my own shit.
In addition to all that I think I found out the reason why I started killing myself. Back to the bad ass kinda thing. I guess I just wanted to impress (maybe) or maybe see into her world or something, but I am starting to think that I did it all just to get closer to you, Jackie. That's how much you mean to me. I'd give up 18 years of smart choices just to get closer, and try to be a part of your life again.
I guess that'll teach me to be smarter next time. Whatever, fuck all of this, I'm through with everything. Goodbye.
Also, I wrote this basically right after the whole thing happened. After sleeping and thinking about it, maybe I'm just an insane stalker or something, whatever I am, fuck it.
In addition I'm not really into quizes, but this was awesome...
I've wasted so much more than time
and the one that pulled
I want as one
has now undone what came it be
known as our love
which could not contain
all that she'd become
I have been outdone
lying with my eyes wide open
cause I can't sleep at night
the world is much to cold
without someone to hold me
or to hold
that's the way it goes
and I always thought I would die
if you ever told me goodbye
and it wasn't till tonight
I found out I was right
I wasted almost all my life
being so afraid to fail
our hearts or try
I found a place to hide
I dove into you
I swam around
and drowned inside
but I'm not the boy that you destroyed
I'm stonger than he was
I had to be
to survive
I'm lucky to be alive
the me you left behind it still lying there
with his eyes froze open wide
and I always thought I would die
if you ever told me goodbye
but it wasn't until tonight
tonight
I found out I was right
-They Lied by the Smoking Popes
I have no idea if that's it and there was one part I couldn't understand but whatever.
Thirsty Thursday this week was alright I guess.
Kinda shitty as hell actually.
Probably one of the worst nights of my life.
Quite possibly the worst.
Scratch that. It was.
I can't believe I let it happen again. This is fucking rediculous.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I really shouldn't put all this whinny baby girl emo shit in here but whatever, it's my time to shine.
Here's the story Mourning Glory.
Wake up, do nothing, eat, do more of nothing, go to the house and hang out for a while. Things are fine, good friends, good drinks, good smokes. Good times. It was sweet becuase Dave was there. He's mexican. I haven't seen him in forever, it was nice to see him again. Night goes on, things are normal, lots of yelling (in a good way), lot's of fun, laughs, whatever else. Then Jackie, Becky, and Sarah show up. Sweet, more good times. Everyone is getting along nicely. Will Foley (Douche bag) gets kicked out, along with two other kids later in the night for being douches. Dance party was another great one. Times are great. Then Jackie takes me off to the side and basically tears me down so far.
It was your standard "We can never get back together, you're too nice and I like bad boys" bullshit. Worst part about it is that I can't really put anything in here about how fucking pissed off I was about that becuase she reads this. Anyhow, you can basically take what any normal suicidal kid would write about or do and take it to the hundreth power. Worst part about it is that all I did after that was basically sit around and feel sorry for myself the rest of the night. This was one of the few times that the "Fuck it" theory didn't work. (Any questions referring to said theory should be referred to me, I'll be more than happy to answer questions about it.)
So the girls left, didn't even say bye... bitches....
I stayed around for a while, felt horrible and drunk, a horrible combination. Tried to help John Benes for a while, silly bastard drank a little much. Left, went to Stef's, tried to forget my problems. I spent the rest of the night talking to Ryan, Stef, Jake, Rob, giant kid, Blake, and Jessica. Went home around 6:30ish. Decieded I needed to vent, typed this.
That was the night. Although it doesn't sound too bad, it was. Maybe if I didn't openly wear my heart on my arm for this girl I would be fine.
If you don't see me tomorrow or ever again I'm either dead, moved away, or you're just to stupid to not find me.
Speaking of being dead, does anybody (anybody includes Brandon, Mike, or anyone else) want to move away with me sometime soon and make a "scene" or something we can actually be proud of? I'm dead serious, I'm completely sick of everything right now, so sick I'd be happy with everyone finding me drowned in a toilet of my own shit.
In addition to all that I think I found out the reason why I started killing myself. Back to the bad ass kinda thing. I guess I just wanted to impress (maybe) or maybe see into her world or something, but I am starting to think that I did it all just to get closer to you, Jackie. That's how much you mean to me. I'd give up 18 years of smart choices just to get closer, and try to be a part of your life again.
I guess that'll teach me to be smarter next time. Whatever, fuck all of this, I'm through with everything. Goodbye.
Also, I wrote this basically right after the whole thing happened. After sleeping and thinking about it, maybe I'm just an insane stalker or something, whatever I am, fuck it.
In addition I'm not really into quizes, but this was awesome...