(no subject)
according to my friend alex, to fully "get over" my break up with jason i should have three weeks to think and sort my self out then i should be better
it has now been close to 7 weeks and i am more sure than ever that she is entirely full of horseshit, i am no more over jay now than i was a few weeks ago and if anything am more confused than ever, in honesty i still just don't know what is happening
this still all seems very unfair, had a long and hurtful discussion with jason over a joke i made about dating, what he doesn't seem to understand is when i hurt i joke and i laugh and i try to ignore the pain as much as possible for the sake of others, cause quite frankly no one wants to be around that terribly depressing individual who just can't seem to pick herself up and move on with life, soo i hide, am very good at hiding really, world class, i could win medals
anyway whenever i mention dating jay gets this weird kind of jealousy which to me makes little sense, he says it makes no sense to him either, really i suppose it just gives me a dangerous kind of hope which i then have to repress with a vengeance
you see i have always been an insanely jealous person, don't know why i just am and even now the thought of jason sharing the things he had with me with some other girl drives me to the point of homicide quite rapidly, which is unfair as jay is entitled to his own life but there’s is a part of me that scream i am just as entitled to rip the batch’s hair out by the roots, but still it makes little sense that jay would feel those same things, or even anything resembling them
and yet he talks like he does, this is why i hate the internet, i can't really talk to people on the internet, you can't look at them you can't even tell the intonation of their voices when they speak and it drives me mad because it makes it far to easy for people to lie and at this point one more lie might break what small bits of sanity i desperately cling to
so once again i put these decisions on hold, i know it hurts him but i just can't promise to be friends with him until i can actually talk to him, to many people have left me and i no longer have the blind trust of the innocent, i know this hurts him too that i can't bring my self to trust him but in all honestly he's hurt me probably more than anyone else because i did trust him more than anyone else and he broke my heart
oh he was gentle enough, i suppose as gentle as you could be, but i gave him my heart and he gave it back smashing it too bits along the way soo now i just don't know if i can trust him, not now, not yet so i put the decision firmly on hold for another 25 days
he says that he cares about me and truthfully i don’t think there could be anything more hurtful than truly loving someone who truly cares about you soo i suppress whatever hope there might be that somewhere inside him he still loves me the way that i remember
just 25 short days and then i get to be back in the bosom of my beloved naz
that's not too long right?
it has now been close to 7 weeks and i am more sure than ever that she is entirely full of horseshit, i am no more over jay now than i was a few weeks ago and if anything am more confused than ever, in honesty i still just don't know what is happening
this still all seems very unfair, had a long and hurtful discussion with jason over a joke i made about dating, what he doesn't seem to understand is when i hurt i joke and i laugh and i try to ignore the pain as much as possible for the sake of others, cause quite frankly no one wants to be around that terribly depressing individual who just can't seem to pick herself up and move on with life, soo i hide, am very good at hiding really, world class, i could win medals
anyway whenever i mention dating jay gets this weird kind of jealousy which to me makes little sense, he says it makes no sense to him either, really i suppose it just gives me a dangerous kind of hope which i then have to repress with a vengeance
you see i have always been an insanely jealous person, don't know why i just am and even now the thought of jason sharing the things he had with me with some other girl drives me to the point of homicide quite rapidly, which is unfair as jay is entitled to his own life but there’s is a part of me that scream i am just as entitled to rip the batch’s hair out by the roots, but still it makes little sense that jay would feel those same things, or even anything resembling them
and yet he talks like he does, this is why i hate the internet, i can't really talk to people on the internet, you can't look at them you can't even tell the intonation of their voices when they speak and it drives me mad because it makes it far to easy for people to lie and at this point one more lie might break what small bits of sanity i desperately cling to
so once again i put these decisions on hold, i know it hurts him but i just can't promise to be friends with him until i can actually talk to him, to many people have left me and i no longer have the blind trust of the innocent, i know this hurts him too that i can't bring my self to trust him but in all honestly he's hurt me probably more than anyone else because i did trust him more than anyone else and he broke my heart
oh he was gentle enough, i suppose as gentle as you could be, but i gave him my heart and he gave it back smashing it too bits along the way soo now i just don't know if i can trust him, not now, not yet so i put the decision firmly on hold for another 25 days
he says that he cares about me and truthfully i don’t think there could be anything more hurtful than truly loving someone who truly cares about you soo i suppress whatever hope there might be that somewhere inside him he still loves me the way that i remember
just 25 short days and then i get to be back in the bosom of my beloved naz
that's not too long right?