Sigh
Well I'm back. I don't know if its a good thing or not yet. I'm kinda chaffing with my parents, they don't seem to realize that I'm not a little kid anymore... but I guess I'll always be in there eyes.
I ended my last semester better than I expected... but not terriblely well either. I'm trying to think about where I'm fucking up... and frankly the answer isn't to pleasing. I'm stretching myself out too thin... I try to be too many places at once. But the truth is... I like it that way. It keeps me from obsessing on how I have handled stuff in the past. I keeps me grounded in the present. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of things I could have handled better in my past, and I still feel regret for some of the tiniest things I've done when I was in like 5th grade. But I gotta push forward and learn from my mistakes.
I always end up getting depressed when I'm home. Its like I don't belong anymore. They've carved out new lives for themselves... And I just don't belong. I guess I still need to be needed... I need to be loved. I've grown cold to my own family... And it frustrates me when I can't feel that love anymore. I'm frigid, an observer in my own house. I want to cut this pain away and belong again...
I ended my last semester better than I expected... but not terriblely well either. I'm trying to think about where I'm fucking up... and frankly the answer isn't to pleasing. I'm stretching myself out too thin... I try to be too many places at once. But the truth is... I like it that way. It keeps me from obsessing on how I have handled stuff in the past. I keeps me grounded in the present. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of things I could have handled better in my past, and I still feel regret for some of the tiniest things I've done when I was in like 5th grade. But I gotta push forward and learn from my mistakes.
I always end up getting depressed when I'm home. Its like I don't belong anymore. They've carved out new lives for themselves... And I just don't belong. I guess I still need to be needed... I need to be loved. I've grown cold to my own family... And it frustrates me when I can't feel that love anymore. I'm frigid, an observer in my own house. I want to cut this pain away and belong again...