Does it get any better.
Okay so life has just been sucking lately. I am realizing that I don't like the friends I currently have. I don't like anything about the people I know now. Well not all of them. The people I do like, I don't like who they hang out with, and I dont respect thier choices for friends. Maybe I should, but I dont understand how peole I like can hang with others who just don't have any pride in themselves. I would think if your hanging with people like that you must relate to them in some way. I am sorry, but for those of you who don't know I have put a lot of time and effort in growing up. I am 19 I have an associates degree, I am a year away from a bachelors and ive always had a full time job. The only motivation I have had is from my own personal drive to succeed in life. I am sorry If I expect more of people I guess not everyone is me and I can't expect them to be. I just am deeply saddened when I see others not optimistic about what potential they have to make of thier life. I believe everyone has a dream, a dream of someone they want to be so bad from the inside. But they dont have the will power or drive the push to send them in the right direction. Everyone needs a little push in the right way sometimes. I know things would have been easier for me if they had.
Why do I feel everyone expects perfection of me? I am just a normal person too. Just because I don't screw up all that often doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. But what I dont understand is why it's rubbed in my face so hard when I do. Like I am not allowed too. Everyone seems to be in shock when life isn't perfect for me. I think theres only one person thats ever seen me cry. But even she would be suprised to know how much I cry when she's not around. I'm growing up on my own here. The friends I have around me aren't ready to grow up as fast as I am. I get so wound up in whats going on in my life that I forget to stop and look around me and see that my life isn't necessarily the only way. I often feel so alone in this life that I live. Like theres no one there too turn to. My best friend let me down on trust, which I don't think could have been any more painful for me. Who do I turn to in life when I feel so alone and theres no one I can trust any more. If you can't trust someone you consider your best friend, how can you trust anyone. I think being a best friend in life is a big role. More than some are ready to take on. A best friend captures your good moments, your mad moments, the ups and downs and in betweens. The here the most intimate parts of your life. They hold a key to your emotions. When that best friend lets you down it's like losing a huge piece of yourself. It's like that huge area that person filled up is suddenly empty and you feel so alone even though your surrounded by people.
It's easy to make friends, but its hard to find the ones you can tell anything too.
I never claimed to have perfection in my life, but I try to show confidence in who I am. I think sometimes, well im told sometimes I can be somewhat intimidating. If someone doesn't confront me on what I do thats so intimidating I don't understand how I am supposed to seem more open. My expectations and standards of life may seem high and they are, but that doesn't mean that I am not a down to earth person. I think anyone that really wanted to get to know me, really know me. Like one person I knew they would realize this. Ugh I am so baboling on in here about stuff some random. My head is just flowing with thoughts that are so unorganized. Thoughts I would normally tell a friend, but that friend is no longer there. Anyways I'm gonna stop here till I have more time to just think about what I really need to change in my life.
Why do I feel everyone expects perfection of me? I am just a normal person too. Just because I don't screw up all that often doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. But what I dont understand is why it's rubbed in my face so hard when I do. Like I am not allowed too. Everyone seems to be in shock when life isn't perfect for me. I think theres only one person thats ever seen me cry. But even she would be suprised to know how much I cry when she's not around. I'm growing up on my own here. The friends I have around me aren't ready to grow up as fast as I am. I get so wound up in whats going on in my life that I forget to stop and look around me and see that my life isn't necessarily the only way. I often feel so alone in this life that I live. Like theres no one there too turn to. My best friend let me down on trust, which I don't think could have been any more painful for me. Who do I turn to in life when I feel so alone and theres no one I can trust any more. If you can't trust someone you consider your best friend, how can you trust anyone. I think being a best friend in life is a big role. More than some are ready to take on. A best friend captures your good moments, your mad moments, the ups and downs and in betweens. The here the most intimate parts of your life. They hold a key to your emotions. When that best friend lets you down it's like losing a huge piece of yourself. It's like that huge area that person filled up is suddenly empty and you feel so alone even though your surrounded by people.
It's easy to make friends, but its hard to find the ones you can tell anything too.
I never claimed to have perfection in my life, but I try to show confidence in who I am. I think sometimes, well im told sometimes I can be somewhat intimidating. If someone doesn't confront me on what I do thats so intimidating I don't understand how I am supposed to seem more open. My expectations and standards of life may seem high and they are, but that doesn't mean that I am not a down to earth person. I think anyone that really wanted to get to know me, really know me. Like one person I knew they would realize this. Ugh I am so baboling on in here about stuff some random. My head is just flowing with thoughts that are so unorganized. Thoughts I would normally tell a friend, but that friend is no longer there. Anyways I'm gonna stop here till I have more time to just think about what I really need to change in my life.