(no subject)
I have an idol. Klause ferdinand hempfling. Hes this amazing german guy that lives in spain. Horseman extrordinare, poet, musician, philosopher. I have his book, dancing with horses, and ive been sitting on youtube this week watching his videos. First become a child. Sounds wise if you can conjure up the archetype of childhood, not so wise if you had MY childhood. Be yourself, find your place, freedom is joy...goes on and on. Lovely stuff. If you dont have ten tons of baggage that being yourself entails. And this is where wanting to not be you kicks in. I dont want to be me. Id rather be him. Or anybody really...but me is a labarinth of complications. Me is the weight of the world. Me is tired and hurt and avoidant. Me is a grownup in a sea of petulant neotanus jellyfish stinging as I tread water. Me is a burden. Me is weak kneed and limp armed and head banged and brain exhausted and alcohol dependant. Me smokes more than a pack of cigarettes each day. Me cant sleep at night. Me feels sad and guilty for having steve in my life and terrified that steve wont always be there. Me wants to be irresponsible. Me lost the beauty of me's muse.
But enough about me. Me is my problem. Me is what stops me from being you, or understanding you, or being part of this big us. Fuck me. And the horse me/I rode in on.
But enough about me. Me is my problem. Me is what stops me from being you, or understanding you, or being part of this big us. Fuck me. And the horse me/I rode in on.