Alex wrote back to me and made it into a blog "inspired by a tsunami" ... erm.. me :D
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Environmentalism... or something
Inspired by a tsunami
So let me ask you... have you ever started think about something and just wish you could stop? See behing right and wrong and control and ethic - am I not an animal? Is this not an ecological system? And seeing the schizophrenia is just a novel system for interacting with a set environment. And realizing that there is no you behind your thoughts. And the random firings in your brain that once made sense because they occured in such a succession that made them appear to be in order, suddenly fall away to reveal themselves as scattered dots. And your body shakes and you just want to vomit, and lights are too bright and your stomach says run! run! And to pull back even from this to doubt yourself - is this just an escape from the world in front of me? Why can't I just forget, stop and just live? love? hate? yell? watch football on tv and enjoy it? ... and I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know. Would have liked to be hooked up to a machine and live a world of my design - childhood fantasies. Would have liked to put a bullet between my eyes and see where I came out on the other side - but I was afraid... and I was depressed? Would have liked to clear my mind, lay down, die... fade away.
Have you ever stood back and watched these organic machines... bubbling with juices... taking in a data stream. Felt like you are a bug, a glitch, a blip - no, a diagnostic tool. Felt like you'd like to bury your face in skin and cry and forget you ever existed? But can't seem to make thoughts go away can't seem to dissappear so you'll writhe through another day. And hope to run away again wishing that when you open your eyes... this time you won't be there.
Sometimes I feel that way.
8:18 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Environmentalism... or something
Inspired by a tsunami
So let me ask you... have you ever started think about something and just wish you could stop? See behing right and wrong and control and ethic - am I not an animal? Is this not an ecological system? And seeing the schizophrenia is just a novel system for interacting with a set environment. And realizing that there is no you behind your thoughts. And the random firings in your brain that once made sense because they occured in such a succession that made them appear to be in order, suddenly fall away to reveal themselves as scattered dots. And your body shakes and you just want to vomit, and lights are too bright and your stomach says run! run! And to pull back even from this to doubt yourself - is this just an escape from the world in front of me? Why can't I just forget, stop and just live? love? hate? yell? watch football on tv and enjoy it? ... and I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know. Would have liked to be hooked up to a machine and live a world of my design - childhood fantasies. Would have liked to put a bullet between my eyes and see where I came out on the other side - but I was afraid... and I was depressed? Would have liked to clear my mind, lay down, die... fade away.
Have you ever stood back and watched these organic machines... bubbling with juices... taking in a data stream. Felt like you are a bug, a glitch, a blip - no, a diagnostic tool. Felt like you'd like to bury your face in skin and cry and forget you ever existed? But can't seem to make thoughts go away can't seem to dissappear so you'll writhe through another day. And hope to run away again wishing that when you open your eyes... this time you won't be there.
Sometimes I feel that way.
8:18 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment