Acts of the Winchesters.
This may not be my finest effort: I really wasn't intending to use the Bible, as it seemed a little easy, and the temptation to just lapse into Monty Python is very, very strong. But then Houses of the Holy came along and what am I supposed to do? So, to get it over with: 'Holy Pole of Antioch.' 'Sam is not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.'
With that out of our systems, here's...
ACTS OF THE WINCHESTERS. 2.13
The Conversion of Dean.
[1] There was a certain man in Rhode Island called Samu’el, a warrior of the band called the Winchesters.
[2] A devout man, and one that feared GOD with all his heart, which gave much alms to the people, and prayed to GOD alway.
[3] He saw in a vision an angel of GOD coming in to him, and saying unto him, Sammy.
[4] And when he looked on the angel, Samu'el rejoiced, and said, What is it, LORD? And he said unto him, Thy prayers and thine alms and thy puppy-dog eyes are pleasing in GOD’s sight, and thou hast found favour with the Most High.
[5] And now go thou unto one which I shall show thee, that is wicked in heart, and smite him.
[6] But Dean, yet breathing out doubts and scorn against the disciples of the LORD, went unto Samu’el.
[7] And he said unto him, Except that I see an angel of the LORD with mine own eyes, I shall not believe.
[8] And he said unto him, Stir not thy foot against him that the LORD hath shown unto thee, for it is totally not the LORD doing it anyway.
[9] And he said, and neither are there unicorns.
[10] And Dean did journey from that place, and did follow the man shown unto Samu’el, and that man was unrighteous in his sight. And Dean saw that this was so.
[11] And as he journeyed, he came near unto a certain town, that was unsubtle before GOD, being called Providence: And a scaffolding pole did descend from Heaven and smite the unrighteous man, and the hand of the LORD was hard upon him. And Dean saw that this was so also.
[12] And Dean trembling and astonished arose and ran unto Samu'el saying, A sign! A sign!
[13] And Samu’el said unto him, Doubt is sore upon me. Tell me what manner of sign thou hast seen, that I might believe also.
[14] And Dean told him, A pole of the LORD did descend in fury, smiting even him whom thou wouldst have slain.
[15] Then Samu’el was astonished and he said unto Dean, Seriously, that’s it?
[16] And Dean said unto him, Yea, but there was smiting, and that is good enough for me.