I'm a pansy.
I just had a rather embarrassing moment.
So, I went to lay by the pool this afternoon to get some sun while I still can. After about an hour spent reading my book, I decide to get up and go. I bend over to grab my t-shirt, and I suddenly hear this LOUD BUZZING IN MY EARS.
This is where I mention that I'm slightly phobic about bugs. Especially the large, stinging wasp variety that can often be found loitering near pools in the summer. >.>
So I reflexively bob and weave my head, and when the buzzing persists, I swat the air around me to no avail. At this point, feeling particularly beset upon, I let out a decidedly unmanly shriek, attracting the attention of the other people in the pool area.
Standing up, my assailant hovers into view. I don't know what they're called, but we have these very large shiny green scaraby looking bugs that transplanted easter-coasters like to call "june bugs." They're not actually june bugs, but they pretty much are the desert-dwelling equivalent, and they like to live in palm trees. They're big, loud, and as un-aerodynamic as they look, and therefore unpredictable. They fly about as well as Woodstock on "Peanuts."
So there it is. A huge-ass stupid june bug is buzzing erratically around my head. Just because it's harmless doesn't mean I like the fucking thing, as they are rather huge and loud and menacing looking. Forgetting that I'm in a public place, and feeling angry and ashamed at being made to squeal like pussy by this stupid bug, I proceed to take the Lord's name in vain and unleash a string of profanity at it that would make a sailor blush.
JESUS CHRIST! FUCK YOU! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE YOU FUCKING BITCH!
I wield my t-shirt like a mace and swing violently it, chasing it away. Because you know, nothing says "tough guy" quite like vengefully attacking a harmless bug like a maniac.
MOTHERFUCKER.
At this point I realize that everybody at the pool is probably giggling at me behind my back, watching this guy scream like a bitch and and then utterly lose it over a stupid bug. I know this because once the bug is gone, *I'm* finding it hard not to laugh. So I don't dare turn around, because if I so much as see one person looking at me, I'm going to crack up laughing hysterically. I put my shirt on and try hard to stifle the snickering, which only makes things worse. The harder you try to hold back the giggles, the worse it gets. Luckily I escaped the vicinity of the pool with what little tattered shreds of my dignity I could muster.
You better not be laughing either! It wasn't funny. That was bullshit.
So, I went to lay by the pool this afternoon to get some sun while I still can. After about an hour spent reading my book, I decide to get up and go. I bend over to grab my t-shirt, and I suddenly hear this LOUD BUZZING IN MY EARS.
This is where I mention that I'm slightly phobic about bugs. Especially the large, stinging wasp variety that can often be found loitering near pools in the summer. >.>
So I reflexively bob and weave my head, and when the buzzing persists, I swat the air around me to no avail. At this point, feeling particularly beset upon, I let out a decidedly unmanly shriek, attracting the attention of the other people in the pool area.
Standing up, my assailant hovers into view. I don't know what they're called, but we have these very large shiny green scaraby looking bugs that transplanted easter-coasters like to call "june bugs." They're not actually june bugs, but they pretty much are the desert-dwelling equivalent, and they like to live in palm trees. They're big, loud, and as un-aerodynamic as they look, and therefore unpredictable. They fly about as well as Woodstock on "Peanuts."
So there it is. A huge-ass stupid june bug is buzzing erratically around my head. Just because it's harmless doesn't mean I like the fucking thing, as they are rather huge and loud and menacing looking. Forgetting that I'm in a public place, and feeling angry and ashamed at being made to squeal like pussy by this stupid bug, I proceed to take the Lord's name in vain and unleash a string of profanity at it that would make a sailor blush.
JESUS CHRIST! FUCK YOU! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE YOU FUCKING BITCH!
I wield my t-shirt like a mace and swing violently it, chasing it away. Because you know, nothing says "tough guy" quite like vengefully attacking a harmless bug like a maniac.
MOTHERFUCKER.
At this point I realize that everybody at the pool is probably giggling at me behind my back, watching this guy scream like a bitch and and then utterly lose it over a stupid bug. I know this because once the bug is gone, *I'm* finding it hard not to laugh. So I don't dare turn around, because if I so much as see one person looking at me, I'm going to crack up laughing hysterically. I put my shirt on and try hard to stifle the snickering, which only makes things worse. The harder you try to hold back the giggles, the worse it gets. Luckily I escaped the vicinity of the pool with what little tattered shreds of my dignity I could muster.
You better not be laughing either! It wasn't funny. That was bullshit.