Everyone thank V.
First of all thank you everyone for your insight and understanding. Especially sparkysama4662, kokuyouseki, tfqfmb , and kitsune_tails! Writing is too big a peace of my life and my spirit for me to ignore. And not writing even if only for sixth months was even more depressing then feeling alone! lol. But in all honesty you have V. to thank. I realize my last several posts have been confusing probably I keep switching from talking about my Boyfriend to talking about V which i guess mirrors my currant state of confusion. V is a guy I met on the Oklahoma trip. My boyfriend is M. I left M and the rest of my friends to come to this school and met V and all my new friends and now I'm one confused girl.
V is so easy to talk to and so down to earth I presented him with my problem and was totally expecting "You write about GAY PEOPLE!! *GASP*. He's studying to be a pastor after all. Actually I was kind of hoping he would do that it would give me a reason to stop dwelling on him! But no...there is a reason I am dwelling on him, and its because even when he doenst agree or doesn't understand a lifestyle different then his own he seeks to understand it and then make a judgment.
*sighs*
He says that he noticed me scribbling in my journal and the poem I shared around the campfire told him already I was in love with words and imagination more then anything and that it was important to me. He said he could tell I wasn't a vindictive person and my heart was open to others so my being open to understanding other people was no surprise and that yes I spent way to much time holed up by myself but that happens sometimes. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in one thing we love we forget the other things. He like some of you suggested I make a schedule for what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. Limit myself as it were to one or two chapters a week however much I thought I could handle.
But not to give up on it. He loves Christianity and thats why he wants to be a preacher but sometimes it gets so skewed by other mankind, by the media, and by misconception. Sometimes it becomes confusing and all consuming and he wonders if he has it wrong and he shouldn't be so tolerant of other peoples sins. The class work, the volunteer work, church, youth group Pcm it consumes his time his energy his thoughts and leaves him burnt out and a whole lot more confused then when he came in.
But he said that every time he opens his bible and reads about a love so deep someone would be willing to die for someone who might or might not accept that love. All he asks in return is that we show the same love and try to show the same purity.
*grins* He says he fails miserably at that but I don't think so. So in short I'm still confused as to why when I have a perfectly nice boyfriend who is a good man I sigh over a man I've only known for two weeks and who's heart is otherwise engaged. But I do know as frustrating and addicting as it can become I cant give up on what I love. I havent decided just how much I want to update per week and when but I'll let you know. I'm even now kind of getting this urge to make a story out of my trip to Oklahoma.
lol see what I mean! Everything in me screams for me to write I cant escape it but I can monitor it so that I don't burn out like a candle either.
Thanks again guys for your support and your advice. I'll post Update dates when I decide them.