(no subject)
tonight could have been sketchy, but shannon and i are home and we are both safe and decent and actually she's asleep on my floor. so. hooray for decency.
and: i can't handle reading yours, so impersonal. i know you're reading and i'm so naked and so sad and so brutal and you're so...still...you're so *flippant and. i don't know. i just. i'm going to stop reading. you should know. one entry in an attempt to tell me something and then *poof like you were never there never real never mine. it's like you're still ignoring me because i smoke and you don't date smokers--never noticed me, not once, like i'm rubbing shoulders and it doesn't matter.
and it *doesn't matter.
just. keep. working.
at it.
at it all.
mmm.
i'm writing lately. i've got a lot to write.
and i can't stop thanking the people who've gone out of their way to make me feel better about me, about what happened, about being alone, about why-you-left-me-and-why-you're-never-coming-back, about why i can't be bitter and why i shouldn't call you names i don't mean. so many people.
tonight was 130 bucks worth of fun i didn't pay for.
at least.
only because they wouldn't take cards.
shannon. sweetheart. LET ME PAY YOU BACK. (and not just for drinks. you have saved me over and over.)
and: i can't handle reading yours, so impersonal. i know you're reading and i'm so naked and so sad and so brutal and you're so...still...you're so *flippant and. i don't know. i just. i'm going to stop reading. you should know. one entry in an attempt to tell me something and then *poof like you were never there never real never mine. it's like you're still ignoring me because i smoke and you don't date smokers--never noticed me, not once, like i'm rubbing shoulders and it doesn't matter.
and it *doesn't matter.
just. keep. working.
at it.
at it all.
mmm.
i'm writing lately. i've got a lot to write.
and i can't stop thanking the people who've gone out of their way to make me feel better about me, about what happened, about being alone, about why-you-left-me-and-why-you're-never-coming-back, about why i can't be bitter and why i shouldn't call you names i don't mean. so many people.
tonight was 130 bucks worth of fun i didn't pay for.
at least.
only because they wouldn't take cards.
shannon. sweetheart. LET ME PAY YOU BACK. (and not just for drinks. you have saved me over and over.)