gathered here
In my continuing efforts to actually write about my wedding, here's a bit about the ceremony text itself, since a few people expressed interest. K is agnostic and I'd characterize myself as spiritual and attracted to ritual (and Jewish, culturally speaking). I couldn't find a pre-existing ceremony text that expressed the sentiments that I felt were important, so I hunted through every text I could find online and pulled together all the bits and pieces that rang true. I was also after a specific length--long enough that the guests would feel like they had seen something important but short enough to keep people's attention.
In some ways, it was a very traditional ceremony--we had a statement of intent, wedding vows and an exchange of rings. In some ways, though, it was rather unconventional, but not in the usual way of unconventional ceremonies, if you know what I mean. I had a *lot* of people comment afterward on the ceremony, how unusual but how moving it had been. I had one friend say, "I'm used to seeing the first couple of rows getting all teary, but you had people crying all the way to the back row."
I know some of you are interested in this sort of thing, so behind the cut is the complete text of our ceremony.
Welcome, family and friends, on this special day. We are gathered together to join K. A. B. and N. S. R. in joyful matrimony. Today we share the happiness of N and K, who now come together in love of one another; uniting two hearts and lives, blending all interests, sympathies, and hopes. In making a commitment to love each other, they share that which is best in us and give a moment of light to the world.
We are here today not only to bear witness to the beginning of something that is wonderful and new, but also to recognize the joy and happiness that has already marked their life together. For N and K have already begun their journey. Their partnership, shared goals, and mutual understanding have blossomed into love and dedication to each other. They come here to celebrate this love and commitment with their family and friends.
It is important to remember that a marriage of two people involves the joining of two families to create a new one. The open hearts and goodwill of this new family and your confidence in this bond will provide support and encouragement to the newly married couple. Assure K and N of your willingness to help them through your concern and love, so that their marriage in turn will be a blessing to everyone around them.
We request the affirmation and support of this union by all assembled here. Do you, the family and friends of N and K, grant them the blessings of your heart, to be with them when they need friends, to listen, to laugh, to cry and to rejoice? Will you do your best to be patient and steadfast? If you do so, please say, we will.
N and K have selected two readings to be presented today. The first is Shakespeare’s Sonnet #116. This poem is especially relevant to today’s proceedings because it talks about the endurance of love over time. It expresses the role of love as a guide in times of distress, an unchanging certainty in an uncertain world. N’s step-mother, L., will present the sonnet.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering barque,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
For their second reading, N and K have selected an excerpt from the letters of Vincent Van Gogh. This selection is particularly appropriate today because K and N first met while K was studying for his degree at the American Academy of Art and their first connection was made in a painting class. In this selection, Van Gogh creates parallels between love and art and writes about how a painter uses color to express emotion. N’s step-father H. will now read this selection.
“There is the same difference between someone who is in love and what he was like before as there is between a lamp that is lit and one that is not. The lamp was there all the time and it was a good lamp, but now it is giving light as well and that is its true function. In love, one has more peace of mind about many things and so is more likely to do better work.
I want to paint men and women with that something of the eternal which we seek to confer by the actual radiance and vibration of our colorings.
I am always in hope of making a discovery there, to express the love of two lovers by a marriage of two complementary colors, their mingling and their opposition, the mysterious vibrations of kindred tones. To express the thought of a brow by the radiance of a light tone against a somber background. To express hope by some star, the eagerness of a soul by a sunset radiance.”
K and N, each of you give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the other. You do so trustingly and openly. In return, each of you receives the gift of love and commitment from the other.
K, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together in the bonds of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow?
“I will”
N, will you have this man to be your wedded husband, to live together in the bonds of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow?
“I will”
Now you will say the words that will carry you across a threshold of life. After this moment, you will be forever altered. For after these vows, Kyle, you will say to the world, "This is N, my wife." N, you will say, "This is K, my husband."
K, please repeat after me:
I, K, take you, N, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health; to love, honor and cherish, as long as we both shall live.
And, N, will you also repeat after me:
I, N, take you, K, to be my husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health; to love, honor and cherish, as long as we both shall live.
K and N have chosen to exchange rings as a symbol of their abiding commitment to each other. These rings represent wholeness and renewal: From sickness to health, from want to plenty, from despair to joy, from failure to possibility, from loneliness to love.
May we have N’s ring for presentation?
K, holding N’s hand in yours, would you repeat after me:
N, I place this ring on your finger-a seal on the covenant I have made with you.
May we have K’s ring for presentation?
And N, holding K’s hand in yours, repeat after me:
K, I place this ring on your finger-a seal on the covenant I have made with you.
N and K, you have made vows and exchanged rings, so now I say that what you have desired has come to pass.
You will always remember this day, for it is a day of beginnings for both of you. Everything you have ever experienced, every blessing, every heartache, every gift and talent that has been developed, every hope and desire expressed or unexpressed; all of these you now give to each other, and will continue to receive from each other during the rest of your lives. Your home will be like an orchard; you will enjoy the fruit, but if your devotion is pure and faithful, there will be such an abundance that others too will feast.
We ask every blessing for your union, K and N: A life confirming the wisdom of your choice; great happiness on the path that is set before you; discretion, kindness, and care as you walk upon it; strength to live out your purpose; grace and peace through each step of your journey; and beloved family and friends to support you. Many years from now, may you be able to look at one another as you do today and say, "Because of you I lived the life I always wanted to live. Because of you I became the person I always wanted to be."
And now that you have pledged your love for, and loyalty to each other, and now that you have sealed the pledge with the marriage rings, I do, by the authority vested in me, and in conformity with the laws of the state of Illinois, pronounce you husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, for the first time, K and N B.!
In some ways, it was a very traditional ceremony--we had a statement of intent, wedding vows and an exchange of rings. In some ways, though, it was rather unconventional, but not in the usual way of unconventional ceremonies, if you know what I mean. I had a *lot* of people comment afterward on the ceremony, how unusual but how moving it had been. I had one friend say, "I'm used to seeing the first couple of rows getting all teary, but you had people crying all the way to the back row."
I know some of you are interested in this sort of thing, so behind the cut is the complete text of our ceremony.
Welcome, family and friends, on this special day. We are gathered together to join K. A. B. and N. S. R. in joyful matrimony. Today we share the happiness of N and K, who now come together in love of one another; uniting two hearts and lives, blending all interests, sympathies, and hopes. In making a commitment to love each other, they share that which is best in us and give a moment of light to the world.
We are here today not only to bear witness to the beginning of something that is wonderful and new, but also to recognize the joy and happiness that has already marked their life together. For N and K have already begun their journey. Their partnership, shared goals, and mutual understanding have blossomed into love and dedication to each other. They come here to celebrate this love and commitment with their family and friends.
It is important to remember that a marriage of two people involves the joining of two families to create a new one. The open hearts and goodwill of this new family and your confidence in this bond will provide support and encouragement to the newly married couple. Assure K and N of your willingness to help them through your concern and love, so that their marriage in turn will be a blessing to everyone around them.
We request the affirmation and support of this union by all assembled here. Do you, the family and friends of N and K, grant them the blessings of your heart, to be with them when they need friends, to listen, to laugh, to cry and to rejoice? Will you do your best to be patient and steadfast? If you do so, please say, we will.
N and K have selected two readings to be presented today. The first is Shakespeare’s Sonnet #116. This poem is especially relevant to today’s proceedings because it talks about the endurance of love over time. It expresses the role of love as a guide in times of distress, an unchanging certainty in an uncertain world. N’s step-mother, L., will present the sonnet.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering barque,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
For their second reading, N and K have selected an excerpt from the letters of Vincent Van Gogh. This selection is particularly appropriate today because K and N first met while K was studying for his degree at the American Academy of Art and their first connection was made in a painting class. In this selection, Van Gogh creates parallels between love and art and writes about how a painter uses color to express emotion. N’s step-father H. will now read this selection.
“There is the same difference between someone who is in love and what he was like before as there is between a lamp that is lit and one that is not. The lamp was there all the time and it was a good lamp, but now it is giving light as well and that is its true function. In love, one has more peace of mind about many things and so is more likely to do better work.
I want to paint men and women with that something of the eternal which we seek to confer by the actual radiance and vibration of our colorings.
I am always in hope of making a discovery there, to express the love of two lovers by a marriage of two complementary colors, their mingling and their opposition, the mysterious vibrations of kindred tones. To express the thought of a brow by the radiance of a light tone against a somber background. To express hope by some star, the eagerness of a soul by a sunset radiance.”
K and N, each of you give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the other. You do so trustingly and openly. In return, each of you receives the gift of love and commitment from the other.
K, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together in the bonds of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow?
“I will”
N, will you have this man to be your wedded husband, to live together in the bonds of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow?
“I will”
Now you will say the words that will carry you across a threshold of life. After this moment, you will be forever altered. For after these vows, Kyle, you will say to the world, "This is N, my wife." N, you will say, "This is K, my husband."
K, please repeat after me:
I, K, take you, N, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health; to love, honor and cherish, as long as we both shall live.
And, N, will you also repeat after me:
I, N, take you, K, to be my husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health; to love, honor and cherish, as long as we both shall live.
K and N have chosen to exchange rings as a symbol of their abiding commitment to each other. These rings represent wholeness and renewal: From sickness to health, from want to plenty, from despair to joy, from failure to possibility, from loneliness to love.
May we have N’s ring for presentation?
K, holding N’s hand in yours, would you repeat after me:
N, I place this ring on your finger-a seal on the covenant I have made with you.
May we have K’s ring for presentation?
And N, holding K’s hand in yours, repeat after me:
K, I place this ring on your finger-a seal on the covenant I have made with you.
N and K, you have made vows and exchanged rings, so now I say that what you have desired has come to pass.
You will always remember this day, for it is a day of beginnings for both of you. Everything you have ever experienced, every blessing, every heartache, every gift and talent that has been developed, every hope and desire expressed or unexpressed; all of these you now give to each other, and will continue to receive from each other during the rest of your lives. Your home will be like an orchard; you will enjoy the fruit, but if your devotion is pure and faithful, there will be such an abundance that others too will feast.
We ask every blessing for your union, K and N: A life confirming the wisdom of your choice; great happiness on the path that is set before you; discretion, kindness, and care as you walk upon it; strength to live out your purpose; grace and peace through each step of your journey; and beloved family and friends to support you. Many years from now, may you be able to look at one another as you do today and say, "Because of you I lived the life I always wanted to live. Because of you I became the person I always wanted to be."
And now that you have pledged your love for, and loyalty to each other, and now that you have sealed the pledge with the marriage rings, I do, by the authority vested in me, and in conformity with the laws of the state of Illinois, pronounce you husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, for the first time, K and N B.!