I Make You Wanna Scream
For some reason I want to write here.
So much has changed in the last week.
I got kicked out, and left for a night, and mother wanted me back here again, I dont have the money to move out right now, so I would rather be here at the moment anyway. Sort of.
Im doing VCAL now, dropping out at the end of the semester, working, doing equine on wednesday and doing a cert II in multimedia graphic design on thrsday and friday.
Ill keep going with those courses and im going to do graphic design.
Im saving $10,400 so i have a years worth of rent and can move out. It might take me two years, But I dont care, thats what Im doing.
Dylan was here from thursday until sunday. it was great. after all this time i never thought that id feel the same, but nothing has changed. For either of us, I still cry. I still miss him. I still love him. And we played playstation, and he has money now, so he shouts me lunch and stuff for once, since i always used to. He is my best friend and that isnt going to change now, I relaly like James, im liking him more nad more, and im getting more used to being with somone else. Its awesome being around him and he has amazed me a little, he treats me so much better than anyone else, i dont deserve him. I just wish i could tell mum, i hate bign 16, but i wouldnt skip to 18, then ill turn 50 and want to go back. I dont car ehow much i hurt or what its over anymore. One day that hurt will go away. And ill feel like i do right now, accomplished, happy and motivated. Even if im still a bit nostalgic.
I WILL be going to coffs at easter, i want to see some people, and go riding. Im getting the train, whether mum and dad agreee or not.
I wonder if its possible to have cyber sex using only song lyrics. That would be interesting =)
I want to die having sex in a mosh pit.
Ive been reading heaps lately, dont really know why.
Was talking to somone on msn, and managed to put why i like reading into words, sort of:
books are quite weird if you think about it. you get so attached to the characters that you forget they arent real and somone else is writing the story. sometimes i wonder where that person got the idea, i mean is it their story, with different names? is it completely made up from nowhere? at the end of a book it always feels like ive had an insight into somones life, and all of a sudden their life is over. everyones personalities are so different, how do we capture a whole person, or more than one person, and turn them into words, create in someones mind a place and a character and have them beleiving, if only for a short amount of time, that those are real people, real emotions. what draws me into living someone elses life, a fictional life, just until it ends, i will never understand. maybe because even when it ends happy, it just shows that everything does end. its like a summary of reality but shown throiugh fiction. it makes me wonder if reality is all based on lies. sometimes it is.