Lest We Forget (Sam/Dean)
Title: Lest We Forget
Author: Ayla Rouge
Rating: PG-13? (R?) don't really know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Word Count: 1,676
Character/Pairings: Sam/Dean
Beta: biggelois
Summary: It was in a random motel in a random city that Dean finally remember what his mind forgot. Sequel to Lair Lair, kinda
Author's Note:It was after posting Lair Lair over that Sam/Dean Archive that I was inspired to write this. I don't know where's this ('verse?) thing is going, but I do know that it's going somewhere. Hope you all enjoy it!
The first thing Dean became aware of was the overwhelming need to pee, the second was the headache from hell and the third the promise that he would never, ever drink that much again.
Getting up with a groan he stumbled his way into the bathroom. After a quick piss and an even quicker shower, Dean felt ready enough for food. A slow walk to his car had Dean regretting ever getting up though. With a sigh he threw his girl into drive and stepped on the gas, heading for the diner down the road.
The diner was surprisingly busy for nine-thirty on a Wednesday, so Dean got the table by the bathrooms. It was while he was scanning the menu that Dean remembered why he drank so much last night. Also why he was in California instead of South Carolina liked he had planned. It was his turn to check up on Sam.
Dean slapped his menu shut and leaned back with a sigh. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere that wasn't California, with its tofu, its beaches and it's stupid tree hugging hippies.
Somewhere that didn't have Sam.
Dean's brow pulled into a frown and he shifted in the booth. That wasn't something he ever thought before. He loved checking up on Sam. Granted he could have gone without the traffic of California and the never ending parade of half naked jailbait, but that didn't mean he wouldn't deal with it. So why did he think that?
You know why.
Dean's eyes opened and he looked widely around. What was that? He turned to look behind himself, thinking maybe someone was talking on their cell while coming out of the washrooms, but there was no one standing there.
Not there, dumbass.
His head shot back to his own table. Seriously, who was talking?
Come one man, you're smarter than this.
Again, Dean checked the washrooms for anyone and again no one was there to greet him. He turned back to his table, brows again pulling into a frown and his eyes squinting. No one was around his table and no one seemed to be hiding out by the washrooms, so where was that voice coming from?
I'll give you a hint. Starts with a Y and ends with a U.
Dean leaned back with a gasp. This time he could hear where the voice was coming from.
Wh - what? Who's there?
Relax Dean-o; it’s just your average run of the mill voice in your head. Nothing to worry about.
Dean stood quickly and scanned the diner. There was someone here, he knew it. Normal people don't just randomly get mysterious voices talking to them.
Must be a witch or something. Maybe a demon.
Or it could be your subconscious making its self known? You know, just a thought.
Shut up, you're not my subconscious! This must be some kind of trick. Someone who has it out for me. I should go call Dad, he might know.
Dean grabbed his jacket and almost knocked down his waiter on the way to the door. He needed to get out of the diner, go back to his motel room where he knew no one was going to be. He had to figure out what was going on with him. When he got to the car, Dean took a deep breath. What was it that Sam used to say? You couldn't solve a problem if you overreacted.
He was always a smart one, our Sam.
Throwing the Impala into reverse Dean tried to hold back a growl. Don't you dare try and claim him. He isn't yours.
Something like a snicker came from the back of Deans' mind. Oh really? Then who is he? Yours?
Dean decided the best plan was to ignore the voice until he made it back to his motel room. He didn't want to crash his car.
::
Dean moved around the room, trying to figure out what was going on with him. He had pulled out the EMF reader and pointed it to himself the minute the door was locked and the salt lines redone. It didn't make a sound. He drunk a glass full of holy water and waved his silver planted knife in the air around him with no effect. He almost called Dad to see if he knew anything before he stopped himself. Once Dad knew that Dean was hearing a random voice, he would abandon his hunt and come out to check Dean out himself. And that wasn't something Dean felt comfortable with.
And why is that, huh?
Dean stopped and stared unfocused at the TV. Why didn't he want his father to help him? Granted the hunt his Dad was on was important, but there was a voice in Dean's head. That had to take priority over a hunt, right?
Right Dean, like John Winchester ever took his sons' well being over a hunt.
"That's not true!" Dean shouted out to no one.
Easy there tiger, you shout any louder and someone might think you're crazy.
"Shut up, no one asked you. Why don't you just go away and leave me alone!" Dean stomped over to the table, reaching for his cell.
Can't do that, man., I'm a part of you, remember? You can't get rid of me any easier than getting rid of your freckles. We're stuck.
Dean snorted into his phone, the ringing sounded strangely loud in the empty room.
Dean, we should really talk about earlier.
He hummed and held the phone tighter to his ear.
Come on now, ignoring me isn't going to help much.
Dean swore, disconnected and dialed again.
I know why you don't want to see Sam.
His chest got tighter and his palms started to feel damp.
There’s something you forgot. Something that you made yourself forget. Something that you should haven’t done. And guess what, Dean? It has something to do with Sam leaving.
His legs started to shake.
It was killing you, wasn't it, Dean? You thought if you forgot, you could go back to living again
He had to sit down.
But you couldn’t go on living, Dean. Something was missing for you. A big black hole, void of everything that should have been there.
He was starting to lose feeling in his feet.
It was killing you, this hole. It wanted to be filled again. It wanted the memories back. But you wouldn't let that happen.
His hand loosened and the phone fell.
So you started drinking more, fucking more. You went on harder and more dangerous hunts. Anything to replace what you forgot.
From a distance Dean could hear someone calling his name.
I can tell you, you know. That's what I'm here for. I can bring those memories back.
Dean stood up, not knowing why but knowing that he had to go.
You can't go, Dean. You're stuck and you will remember. You can't run away anymore.
"No, I don't want to know." Dean turned towards the bathroom. Inside, he turned the water on and splashed his face.
Yes, you do! You want to remember what happened. You want to remember how he made you feel.
Dean was surprised when he looked into the mirror. There were tears in his eyes.
You loved him. More than you should have.
"No!" Dean turned away from the mirror.
You wanted to touch him, Dean. Kiss him.
"NO!" He landed on the bed, his face buried in the blankets.
You wanted to hold him in your arms.
"Stop it!"
You wanted him under you, moaning your name.
"I said stop!" Dean was up in a heartbeat, looking for something to smash. He slammed his hands down on the table.
You wanted him kneeling in front of you.
Dean closed his eyes and held on to the table. This wasn't happening, it was a dream.
You wanted forever with him.
"Please," a tear fell from Dean's eye, "please stop."
You loved him more than anyone else.
He shook his head, trying to get the voice to stop.
And you had him. For a little while you had him.
Dean's legs gave out and his folded in on himself. Tears were falling freely now, nothing holding them back.
He did have Sam, he remembered. He did have Sam under him, in his arms. Dean had kissed his baby brother, got to have everything his Sam had to offer. He was happy, he knew that much. They both had been happier than Dean could ever remember.
So why did it end?
That's why you forgot.
Dean pulled his legs into his chest, curled even tighter.
The reason you and Sam ended? That's why you forgot what happened with you two.
Dean frowned. That didn't make sense. Didn't he forget because he had sex with Sam?
No, that's not why. Trust me, you don't want to know.
What? Didn't you say that you're here to make me remember?
There was silence in Dean's head for a minute before the voice came back, sounding hesitant.
Well yeah, that's why I'm here. But Dean, this is going to hurt you more than anything else.
He gave a bitter sweet laugh. Try me.
The voice sighed, Can't say I didn't warn you.
Dean waited a few minutes until he couldn't take it anymore.
Come on! Tell me.
Fine! You let him go Dean, that's why.
There was silence, inside the motel room and inside the young hunters mind.
Dean?
I let him?
Again the voice gave a sigh, Yes, you did. You made him fall so hard for you he didn't know where you ended and he started. You made him think that you would give up hunting for him. Then you let him walk away.
Dean choked on his tears, the liquid falling fast onto his face. It was right, whatever that voice was. Remembering what had happened broke something in Dean.
And somewhere deep in his head, the voice gave out a soft cry.
Author: Ayla Rouge
Rating: PG-13? (R?) don't really know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Word Count: 1,676
Character/Pairings: Sam/Dean
Beta: biggelois
Summary: It was in a random motel in a random city that Dean finally remember what his mind forgot. Sequel to Lair Lair, kinda
Author's Note:It was after posting Lair Lair over that Sam/Dean Archive that I was inspired to write this. I don't know where's this ('verse?) thing is going, but I do know that it's going somewhere. Hope you all enjoy it!
The first thing Dean became aware of was the overwhelming need to pee, the second was the headache from hell and the third the promise that he would never, ever drink that much again.
Getting up with a groan he stumbled his way into the bathroom. After a quick piss and an even quicker shower, Dean felt ready enough for food. A slow walk to his car had Dean regretting ever getting up though. With a sigh he threw his girl into drive and stepped on the gas, heading for the diner down the road.
The diner was surprisingly busy for nine-thirty on a Wednesday, so Dean got the table by the bathrooms. It was while he was scanning the menu that Dean remembered why he drank so much last night. Also why he was in California instead of South Carolina liked he had planned. It was his turn to check up on Sam.
Dean slapped his menu shut and leaned back with a sigh. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere that wasn't California, with its tofu, its beaches and it's stupid tree hugging hippies.
Somewhere that didn't have Sam.
Dean's brow pulled into a frown and he shifted in the booth. That wasn't something he ever thought before. He loved checking up on Sam. Granted he could have gone without the traffic of California and the never ending parade of half naked jailbait, but that didn't mean he wouldn't deal with it. So why did he think that?
You know why.
Dean's eyes opened and he looked widely around. What was that? He turned to look behind himself, thinking maybe someone was talking on their cell while coming out of the washrooms, but there was no one standing there.
Not there, dumbass.
His head shot back to his own table. Seriously, who was talking?
Come one man, you're smarter than this.
Again, Dean checked the washrooms for anyone and again no one was there to greet him. He turned back to his table, brows again pulling into a frown and his eyes squinting. No one was around his table and no one seemed to be hiding out by the washrooms, so where was that voice coming from?
I'll give you a hint. Starts with a Y and ends with a U.
Dean leaned back with a gasp. This time he could hear where the voice was coming from.
Wh - what? Who's there?
Relax Dean-o; it’s just your average run of the mill voice in your head. Nothing to worry about.
Dean stood quickly and scanned the diner. There was someone here, he knew it. Normal people don't just randomly get mysterious voices talking to them.
Must be a witch or something. Maybe a demon.
Or it could be your subconscious making its self known? You know, just a thought.
Shut up, you're not my subconscious! This must be some kind of trick. Someone who has it out for me. I should go call Dad, he might know.
Dean grabbed his jacket and almost knocked down his waiter on the way to the door. He needed to get out of the diner, go back to his motel room where he knew no one was going to be. He had to figure out what was going on with him. When he got to the car, Dean took a deep breath. What was it that Sam used to say? You couldn't solve a problem if you overreacted.
He was always a smart one, our Sam.
Throwing the Impala into reverse Dean tried to hold back a growl. Don't you dare try and claim him. He isn't yours.
Something like a snicker came from the back of Deans' mind. Oh really? Then who is he? Yours?
Dean decided the best plan was to ignore the voice until he made it back to his motel room. He didn't want to crash his car.
::
Dean moved around the room, trying to figure out what was going on with him. He had pulled out the EMF reader and pointed it to himself the minute the door was locked and the salt lines redone. It didn't make a sound. He drunk a glass full of holy water and waved his silver planted knife in the air around him with no effect. He almost called Dad to see if he knew anything before he stopped himself. Once Dad knew that Dean was hearing a random voice, he would abandon his hunt and come out to check Dean out himself. And that wasn't something Dean felt comfortable with.
And why is that, huh?
Dean stopped and stared unfocused at the TV. Why didn't he want his father to help him? Granted the hunt his Dad was on was important, but there was a voice in Dean's head. That had to take priority over a hunt, right?
Right Dean, like John Winchester ever took his sons' well being over a hunt.
"That's not true!" Dean shouted out to no one.
Easy there tiger, you shout any louder and someone might think you're crazy.
"Shut up, no one asked you. Why don't you just go away and leave me alone!" Dean stomped over to the table, reaching for his cell.
Can't do that, man., I'm a part of you, remember? You can't get rid of me any easier than getting rid of your freckles. We're stuck.
Dean snorted into his phone, the ringing sounded strangely loud in the empty room.
Dean, we should really talk about earlier.
He hummed and held the phone tighter to his ear.
Come on now, ignoring me isn't going to help much.
Dean swore, disconnected and dialed again.
I know why you don't want to see Sam.
His chest got tighter and his palms started to feel damp.
There’s something you forgot. Something that you made yourself forget. Something that you should haven’t done. And guess what, Dean? It has something to do with Sam leaving.
His legs started to shake.
It was killing you, wasn't it, Dean? You thought if you forgot, you could go back to living again
He had to sit down.
But you couldn’t go on living, Dean. Something was missing for you. A big black hole, void of everything that should have been there.
He was starting to lose feeling in his feet.
It was killing you, this hole. It wanted to be filled again. It wanted the memories back. But you wouldn't let that happen.
His hand loosened and the phone fell.
So you started drinking more, fucking more. You went on harder and more dangerous hunts. Anything to replace what you forgot.
From a distance Dean could hear someone calling his name.
I can tell you, you know. That's what I'm here for. I can bring those memories back.
Dean stood up, not knowing why but knowing that he had to go.
You can't go, Dean. You're stuck and you will remember. You can't run away anymore.
"No, I don't want to know." Dean turned towards the bathroom. Inside, he turned the water on and splashed his face.
Yes, you do! You want to remember what happened. You want to remember how he made you feel.
Dean was surprised when he looked into the mirror. There were tears in his eyes.
You loved him. More than you should have.
"No!" Dean turned away from the mirror.
You wanted to touch him, Dean. Kiss him.
"NO!" He landed on the bed, his face buried in the blankets.
You wanted to hold him in your arms.
"Stop it!"
You wanted him under you, moaning your name.
"I said stop!" Dean was up in a heartbeat, looking for something to smash. He slammed his hands down on the table.
You wanted him kneeling in front of you.
Dean closed his eyes and held on to the table. This wasn't happening, it was a dream.
You wanted forever with him.
"Please," a tear fell from Dean's eye, "please stop."
You loved him more than anyone else.
He shook his head, trying to get the voice to stop.
And you had him. For a little while you had him.
Dean's legs gave out and his folded in on himself. Tears were falling freely now, nothing holding them back.
He did have Sam, he remembered. He did have Sam under him, in his arms. Dean had kissed his baby brother, got to have everything his Sam had to offer. He was happy, he knew that much. They both had been happier than Dean could ever remember.
So why did it end?
That's why you forgot.
Dean pulled his legs into his chest, curled even tighter.
The reason you and Sam ended? That's why you forgot what happened with you two.
Dean frowned. That didn't make sense. Didn't he forget because he had sex with Sam?
No, that's not why. Trust me, you don't want to know.
What? Didn't you say that you're here to make me remember?
There was silence in Dean's head for a minute before the voice came back, sounding hesitant.
Well yeah, that's why I'm here. But Dean, this is going to hurt you more than anything else.
He gave a bitter sweet laugh. Try me.
The voice sighed, Can't say I didn't warn you.
Dean waited a few minutes until he couldn't take it anymore.
Come on! Tell me.
Fine! You let him go Dean, that's why.
There was silence, inside the motel room and inside the young hunters mind.
Dean?
I let him?
Again the voice gave a sigh, Yes, you did. You made him fall so hard for you he didn't know where you ended and he started. You made him think that you would give up hunting for him. Then you let him walk away.
Dean choked on his tears, the liquid falling fast onto his face. It was right, whatever that voice was. Remembering what had happened broke something in Dean.
And somewhere deep in his head, the voice gave out a soft cry.