OMG
Last night while I was drinking wine and watching movies with Char and Kristen, Scott called me. I had been talking about calling him earlier that day, but decided not to. I think maybe he's a lot nicer than he used to be, but I think he's gone even more crazy. In two months, he's undergoing a procedure called a hair transplant. SERIOUSLY... what the fuck. Yes, his hairline was maybe receding the TINIEST little bit, but it was barely noticeable. He has been talking about this for about three years now, that I know of, so that wasn't even the biggest suprise. He is also getting a chemical peel. I told him just because his mom is like a plastic surgery junkie (she really is- 2 chemical peels and 2 face lifts in ONe year) doesn't mean he has to become one too. Eww that is so gross. Plus, he's only 24. WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH. But really though, that's gross.
I can't believe myself. I am so stupid. At least I didn't call him though. I think that when I go back to Ann Arbor if I see him I'll arrange it so I don't have to be alone with him. NO! That is not a good idea!!! I should not see him at all. What would be the point anyways. There are two things that could happen: the first, that all these bad memories would come rushing back, and the second, all the good memories would come rushing back. Either way, it would be pointless. Because it's not like I'd ever EVER E V E R go out with him again in my whole life.
I am going to be thinking about this all day. That is not very productive. I think I will allow myself to think about this for the next 2 hours, and then it will be OVER and I'll have to either think about something else, or study for my advertising exam.
When will this end? I bet NEVER. I will always be obsessed with the past. Scott will never go away, and I will never fall in love again and I will spend the rest of my life alone and with cats. Maybe I'll get dogs and ponies instead of cats. Can people own gorillas? Do they make a suitable pet? Actually, my life won't be so bad if I get really rich. Then at least I could surround myself with material posessions so I can forget the emotional emptiness in my life.
Oh brody, how wonderful it is to be here at 7:26 in the morning. The last time I looked at the clock it was 7:23. And I rounded up when I set the two hour time limit, but I think now that would be cheating. so really, I have one hour and.... 56 minutes? Is that right? Probably not... wait... yes, I think it might be. I am terrible at math, that's why I failed my math class last year. I can't even subtract. OOH! yes something else to think about. Curt and his roomate are coming to visit me TOMORROW!!! I don't know what we'll do or talk about. We have a strange relationship. Because sometimes he's really serious, and he likes Slipknot, but I understand the softer side of him. So we have a special sort of connection, because I've known him forever, but its like, I don't know know him. Like... what's his favorite color, or if he drinks coke or pepsi, mundane details that really concern me. So I guess I'll have to see. I really don't like Slipknot. At ALL.... Zeb likes it though. He listens to his Slipknot and Pantera while working out six hours a day and wearing his man tanktops with the arms ripped off. In fact, he's so busy doing this, that he completely dismisses perfectly nice girls from his life. Girls that are WAY too good for him in the first place. I stand by my original statement- It would have never worked out anyway since Zeb is intellectually inferior to me, and mostly everyone else I've met in my entire life.
It's really too bad that I am attracted to this kind of person... this kind of person who wears man tanktops with the arms ripped off and likes to beat people up. If you asked me in a private conversation, I would also tell you some other stuff about him that is really messed up that would make you laugh, if I know your sort of humor at all. But this is livejournal, and while most of the people who read it are probably my friends, I bet there are some people who I don't even know, and I'd like to keep some of my privacy please.
I have gone without thinking about Scott for exactly 19 minutes now. And if you were wondering, no, I did not do the math in my head. I used the calculator in my cell phone. That's what it's there for. I was just thinking about how terribly boring this must be to read. I bet mostly everyone has stopped reading by now. So everyone who reads this should leave a comment, just so I have a rough idea how many people are really THAT interested in my life. Not that you have to be that interested to read livejournal (you have to have nothing better to do, or something better to do that you're not doing because you're obsessed with livejournal like me), but it would take a little more interest than most my other entries since it is so long. However, I think that my writing this at now... 7:50 in the morning, and the fact that I am crazy, might make for a little more entertaining read.
Celia got into MSU.. she got her acceptance letter two days ago. It might be weird having a sister at school... oh wait, no it wont. It won't be weird at all since she hates me and probably wont want to hang out with me, even though I'm 21 and can buy her booze. I wonder if people I know will come up to me and say- I saw you walking down the street the other day, and I yelled at you, but you looked at me like I was a crazy person and scowled. What's your problem? Why are you so mean? And I'll say, because it wasn't me you idiot, it was my little sister, who really is mean. Oh darling Celia. I wish she'd be my friend. I get so jealous of people who like their siblings. I like Ned a lot, because he's really sweet and offers me foot massages, and I like Celia because she's my sister, but other than that we really rub eachother the wrong way. Maybe that'll change when she's thrown into the foreign environment which is MSU (since she has never ONCE come to visit me here, except when my mom and dad made her come up for my birthday) and I'll be the only person who will hang out with her. That's it, I'll just trick her into being my friend!
Back on track now... I only have until 9:23 to think about scott and it is already 8:05. Maybe if I concentrate, i will come up with some sort of solution to my problem. My problem which is that I can't stop thinking about him, and that I really do want to see him. I don't believe you people when you say.. oh don't worry, it will just take you time. No. Time does not heal. it just makes me crazier and more of a drunk. I obviously haven't matured emotionally since the fifth grade, so what's the use of thinking that someday I will? At least I know that though... at least I'm not running around saying things like-- oh yes, I know exatly what I'm doing, and I am very mature. Because I pretty much don't know how to do anything, and I have the maturity of a twelve year old.
I don't hate myself... I really do have fun. My life is nice, because I have a nice apartment and nice friends and a nice family. So it's not that I am extremely unhappy- for the most part I really like how things are going for me. I just sometimes wonder if I am crazy. That's okay though, at least I'm not boring.
I can't believe myself. I am so stupid. At least I didn't call him though. I think that when I go back to Ann Arbor if I see him I'll arrange it so I don't have to be alone with him. NO! That is not a good idea!!! I should not see him at all. What would be the point anyways. There are two things that could happen: the first, that all these bad memories would come rushing back, and the second, all the good memories would come rushing back. Either way, it would be pointless. Because it's not like I'd ever EVER E V E R go out with him again in my whole life.
I am going to be thinking about this all day. That is not very productive. I think I will allow myself to think about this for the next 2 hours, and then it will be OVER and I'll have to either think about something else, or study for my advertising exam.
When will this end? I bet NEVER. I will always be obsessed with the past. Scott will never go away, and I will never fall in love again and I will spend the rest of my life alone and with cats. Maybe I'll get dogs and ponies instead of cats. Can people own gorillas? Do they make a suitable pet? Actually, my life won't be so bad if I get really rich. Then at least I could surround myself with material posessions so I can forget the emotional emptiness in my life.
Oh brody, how wonderful it is to be here at 7:26 in the morning. The last time I looked at the clock it was 7:23. And I rounded up when I set the two hour time limit, but I think now that would be cheating. so really, I have one hour and.... 56 minutes? Is that right? Probably not... wait... yes, I think it might be. I am terrible at math, that's why I failed my math class last year. I can't even subtract. OOH! yes something else to think about. Curt and his roomate are coming to visit me TOMORROW!!! I don't know what we'll do or talk about. We have a strange relationship. Because sometimes he's really serious, and he likes Slipknot, but I understand the softer side of him. So we have a special sort of connection, because I've known him forever, but its like, I don't know know him. Like... what's his favorite color, or if he drinks coke or pepsi, mundane details that really concern me. So I guess I'll have to see. I really don't like Slipknot. At ALL.... Zeb likes it though. He listens to his Slipknot and Pantera while working out six hours a day and wearing his man tanktops with the arms ripped off. In fact, he's so busy doing this, that he completely dismisses perfectly nice girls from his life. Girls that are WAY too good for him in the first place. I stand by my original statement- It would have never worked out anyway since Zeb is intellectually inferior to me, and mostly everyone else I've met in my entire life.
It's really too bad that I am attracted to this kind of person... this kind of person who wears man tanktops with the arms ripped off and likes to beat people up. If you asked me in a private conversation, I would also tell you some other stuff about him that is really messed up that would make you laugh, if I know your sort of humor at all. But this is livejournal, and while most of the people who read it are probably my friends, I bet there are some people who I don't even know, and I'd like to keep some of my privacy please.
I have gone without thinking about Scott for exactly 19 minutes now. And if you were wondering, no, I did not do the math in my head. I used the calculator in my cell phone. That's what it's there for. I was just thinking about how terribly boring this must be to read. I bet mostly everyone has stopped reading by now. So everyone who reads this should leave a comment, just so I have a rough idea how many people are really THAT interested in my life. Not that you have to be that interested to read livejournal (you have to have nothing better to do, or something better to do that you're not doing because you're obsessed with livejournal like me), but it would take a little more interest than most my other entries since it is so long. However, I think that my writing this at now... 7:50 in the morning, and the fact that I am crazy, might make for a little more entertaining read.
Celia got into MSU.. she got her acceptance letter two days ago. It might be weird having a sister at school... oh wait, no it wont. It won't be weird at all since she hates me and probably wont want to hang out with me, even though I'm 21 and can buy her booze. I wonder if people I know will come up to me and say- I saw you walking down the street the other day, and I yelled at you, but you looked at me like I was a crazy person and scowled. What's your problem? Why are you so mean? And I'll say, because it wasn't me you idiot, it was my little sister, who really is mean. Oh darling Celia. I wish she'd be my friend. I get so jealous of people who like their siblings. I like Ned a lot, because he's really sweet and offers me foot massages, and I like Celia because she's my sister, but other than that we really rub eachother the wrong way. Maybe that'll change when she's thrown into the foreign environment which is MSU (since she has never ONCE come to visit me here, except when my mom and dad made her come up for my birthday) and I'll be the only person who will hang out with her. That's it, I'll just trick her into being my friend!
Back on track now... I only have until 9:23 to think about scott and it is already 8:05. Maybe if I concentrate, i will come up with some sort of solution to my problem. My problem which is that I can't stop thinking about him, and that I really do want to see him. I don't believe you people when you say.. oh don't worry, it will just take you time. No. Time does not heal. it just makes me crazier and more of a drunk. I obviously haven't matured emotionally since the fifth grade, so what's the use of thinking that someday I will? At least I know that though... at least I'm not running around saying things like-- oh yes, I know exatly what I'm doing, and I am very mature. Because I pretty much don't know how to do anything, and I have the maturity of a twelve year old.
I don't hate myself... I really do have fun. My life is nice, because I have a nice apartment and nice friends and a nice family. So it's not that I am extremely unhappy- for the most part I really like how things are going for me. I just sometimes wonder if I am crazy. That's okay though, at least I'm not boring.