chill chapter 7,8.
Chapter 7:
If there was no you, I wouldn’t know me.
We were reunited, at last. My soul and the guitar, each strum in tune with the beat of my heart the vibrations humming in my ears, I have had her for a good 7 years now... she’s been through everything with me...
And she’s the sexiest thing I know.
I laugh to myself in a rare moment of pure joy; It seems to have been so long since I last picked up my guitar for fun and not for work, I have neglected her.
I put her back on her stand and sat on my couch playing with my hands...
Gerard carried me home last night.
I got that girly feeling again, or at least I’m pretty sure he did, someone must’ve.
Because well...I woke up here and I didn’t get here myself
I think? I shook my head...
He carried me!
I squeaked...I actually squeaked...
My penis hates me so much right now.
I picked up my guitar and started playing again...
I had began to toy with the idea of breaking up with Nick. I just, I can’t sleep with one person while dating another... I just, I can’t. I don’t want to do that to anyone...especially not Nick. He’s probably the best human being that’s ever walked this earth...
I slammed down my guitar, and held my head in my hands
Who the fuck am I?
I’m not fit to be the gum on the bottom of Nicks shoes...
And here I am, breaking up with him, Dumping him. I began to cry...
I would miss him... the safety, the sweetness, his eyes, the romance, the cuddling...the normality. But I have to do what makes everything okay.
And if I’m not with Nick then whatever I’m doing with Gerard won’t be that bad anymore...
And I just can’t give that up.
I-I don’t even know what the fuck it is about him that I like in all honesty. We haven’t even spoken for more than 5 minutes in all the little amount of time that I’ve fucking known him...
I am pathetic.
But there’s just this...this something that feels so, so good. And it’s not just the sex, well that’s good too... but it’s just this feeling he gives off, the feeling I have when I’m with him.
I sighed, and lay down on the couch...
Gerard, Gerard, Gerard...
Why couldn’t he have picked a better time to fuck me up?
Why couldn’t I have just let him kill me.
Think about that…how easy everything would be right now…
Nick wouldn’t care, because we wouldn’t have gotten attached to each other if I was dead
And I wouldn’t be obsessing over Gerard if he had been the one who killed me.
Because, y'know...I'd be dead,
It would’ve been just that simple.
There was a knock at the door
I sighed, and got up lazily
It was Nick
“Happy Valentines Day!” he beamed, His bright white teeth practically blinding me
“Oh shit!” I said, hitting myself in the face
“I’m so sorry…I, I haven’t really ever had to celebrate this thing before?” I said and he laughed
“well, me being your first can be your present to me”
See!!! How can one even think of breaking up with this? I kissed him
He then dug his hand in his pocket
“Wait…” I said, opening the door wider
“Wanna come in?” I asked, and he smiled
“Of course.” He said, shoving his hand back in his pocket. I led him to the couch and we both sat down “Well…” He fished his hand into his pocket once again
Handing me a small box
“Just open it.” He said calmly, and I did…
A Key.
Shit.
Shit.
I tried to force a smile, but he understood as I stuffed it back into the box, wordless
“I’m sorry…” He said, but I grabbed his hand
“No…please don’t be…it’s just, I’ve never really been to close to anyone before…I just…I’m gonna need some time.”
He got up
“I understand.”
He rubbed my head, “Night, Frank.”
“Goodnight.” I said softly as I watched him disappear into the hallway, I closed my eyes shut hating myself.
“Happy Valentines day!”
I opened my eyes, and then nearly screamed
“What the fuck!” I exclaimed, he smirked, happily
“No plans?” He asked, running his hand along my guitar, and I sighed “No. Not really…” He scoffed “Dream boy didn’t take you out for dinner…or, whatever?”
“He asked me to move in with him…”
I looked at the floor as I said this and he strummed my guitar
“And I’m guessing that didn’t go to well?”
He strummed it again
“Can…can you please not do that?”
“Do what?” He strummed it again, louder
“This?”
“Please?” I whimpered, and he stepped back, hands in the pockets of that same goddamn leather jacket
“You’d think… being alive as long as you have, you would have accumulated a lot more clothes by now.”
He grabbed at his jacket
“You don’t like it?”
“That’s beside the point.”
He scoffed
“Hey, for all you fucking know I’ve been a vampire for a couple of months…”
“Have you?”
“No…” he started “But that’s beside the point.” he said, immitating me
I smirked, and walked over to him, kissing his neck “How long have you been one…?”
He laughed, I could feel the vibrations in his neck…
“I was born in…… 1880 sooo… I was 27 in 1907? So… a good 103 years.”
I broke away from him, and looked him up and down
“You don’t look very old time-ish…”
“Yea” he said, smiling reminiscently “I never really seemed to fit in...who woulda guessed?”
“So…if you weren’t a vampire… you’d be”
“6 feet under, and decomposed beyond recognition.”
I gulped, understanding the severity of that statement.
“Do you think you could maybe…make me one.”
Not even a moment after I finished talking did he have me pinned up against the wall by my collar, my feet dangling, his face, rubbing against my ear
“You want this!?” He spat
“You want to never fucking breathe again, to never be able to fucking eat, or to never see the motherfucking sun? Is that honestly something you want?”
His voice turned more into a venomous whisper than an actual sound, I started to cry
"Do you want to have to kill? Knowing that the day you die you'll burn in fucking hell?"
“No! No I don’t!” I was sobbing even more now
He let me go
“But I want you…”
He slammed his head against the wall
“Is this seriously what this is about? Most relationships don’t even last 7 years anymore and you expect whatever the fuck it is we have to last an eternity?”
I looked down at the floor
“Well…maybe?”
He laughed,
“This is all a fucking mistake…”
My eyes widened, horrified at what I knew was coming next
“Goodbye Frank.”
I ran to him, grabbing him and sobbing
“No, no, no! I-I didn’t mean it…we can keep doing what we’re doing I’m fine!”
He pushed me away… “You will be when I’m gone. Move in with your boyfriend,”
“I don’t want to!”
He smirked, pausing for a while in front of my door, and looking back at me...
“Goodbye. Frank.”
And he was gone.
And I cried, and I cried
And I cried.
(G POV)
He’s just a kid, just a motherfucking kid
And he wants to just fuck away his life…
What an idiot.
I looked back at his door… he really wasn’t okay…
But he should be! He’s got everything ahead of him, the little brat… all his dreams, all his talent, this boyfriend of his… and he’s wasting it all on me.
I can’t let him do that.
I write “I’m so sorry. From: Frank.” On a piece of paper and leave it by that Nick guys door, knocking at it, and then hiding watching from a distance as he grabs it
I laugh to myself as Nick grabs his chest so touched by this
He’s such a fuckin' sap
But now Franks okay…
And me, I’ll learn to be,
God knows I got a whole hell of a lot’a time.
(F POV)
I was sitting in my bathroom, crying my eyes out I had grabbed my razor and was holding it against my skin, too scared to press any harder
There was a frantic knock at the door and it made my hand shake cutting my arm
“Fuck!” I spat, wiping my arm on my jeans while running to get the door
“Nick?” I asked, and he was smiling so contently, I hugged him
Gerard is gone. I told myself, sniffling into Nicks shirt
“I wanna live with you, Nicky.” I said, he kissed my head
“I really, really do.”