(no subject)

[ayden79]

I find myself thinking things I wouldn't have admitted to myself a year ago, two years ago. I find myself thinking things that 2 years ago would have me writting off people like I wish I could her... I find myself not trusting anyone I know to understand that I don't believe these things, and that I just need to talk them out. I'm sure there are people who found their thouhts changing in much the same way as mine, and I don't think that I'm special or unique in this regard. (Although I worry that I am...) Mostly though, I find myself sitting with the realization that I need people to talk to to work out my thoughts, and the only people I trust enough to talk out these feelings/thoughts with would hate me if they knew I were thinking the things that I am.

Given everything that's going on I could be alluding to a few different things, and maybe I am; but mostly it's just the one subject, and my ever changing perspectives on the whole thing.

In the mean time, I find myself desperate for a little emotional intimacy and I don't know how to make that happen anymore. (It used to just... exist.)

I fucking hate being an adult.