Haunting Memories
I guess that's why I hate to clean my room,
I hate when I find something that used to mean something to me like gifts from friends and such and know now that it really has no meaning any more. Or things from loved ones that you might still care about but you mean nothing to them. Sadly that is going to be my perdicament for a while since I'll be doing some adjustments with my room. Since my brother has moved back home it's been a nightmare as usual and I have no where to go if something should happen. My escape route would usually be Amanda's house and I know I can feel safe there, Now of course she probably wishes me dead or wrost and I really feel hurt by that. People always said such bad things about her now and I really wished they could have saw what I've seen for the many years of Friendship I've had with her. Nobody knows about her life and Whatever I knew about her made sense of the things that she did. I cry now and then knowing what I've done and hurt alot of people in the process. Some times I wish I wasn't born. Scientifically they say since my mom had me late in life I was probably going to experience some problems, and now *poof* there goes a diagnosis that could have saved me a whole bunch of hardships, friendships and relationships.
Yes I do have bi polar disorder. Now it's out there and off my chest. I don't have money for medication and the only thing I can do is try to move on and fix what I can and not dwell on whats fargone. But I do know that I do owe alot of people an apology and as long as I can get out there what I need to I can rebuild what I lost or put at peace what I left behind.
Ashlee
I hate when I find something that used to mean something to me like gifts from friends and such and know now that it really has no meaning any more. Or things from loved ones that you might still care about but you mean nothing to them. Sadly that is going to be my perdicament for a while since I'll be doing some adjustments with my room. Since my brother has moved back home it's been a nightmare as usual and I have no where to go if something should happen. My escape route would usually be Amanda's house and I know I can feel safe there, Now of course she probably wishes me dead or wrost and I really feel hurt by that. People always said such bad things about her now and I really wished they could have saw what I've seen for the many years of Friendship I've had with her. Nobody knows about her life and Whatever I knew about her made sense of the things that she did. I cry now and then knowing what I've done and hurt alot of people in the process. Some times I wish I wasn't born. Scientifically they say since my mom had me late in life I was probably going to experience some problems, and now *poof* there goes a diagnosis that could have saved me a whole bunch of hardships, friendships and relationships.
Yes I do have bi polar disorder. Now it's out there and off my chest. I don't have money for medication and the only thing I can do is try to move on and fix what I can and not dwell on whats fargone. But I do know that I do owe alot of people an apology and as long as I can get out there what I need to I can rebuild what I lost or put at peace what I left behind.
Ashlee