Hrmmm. A tarot reading... and me babbling.
Yeah, Tuesday night sorta sucked as was really fun at the same time. We needed to work on our audio so Charli invited us all to her house to work on it. She even promised food. We had to wait until the end of class to leave though (9:20) and then go to the store to pick stuff up for it. Needless to say I already had a terrible headache not to mention I was in such a shitty mood that day... I just sort of wanted to go home.
But I guess it went well... we got some work done. Charli had also said she'd give us tarot readings if we came. So when we took our break at midnight she said she'd do it. I was first to go... I asked just a general question 'What direction should I go with my life?' since there wasn't really anything (well I guess there was) that I felt like asking. But, it picked up on it anyways... because it focused pretty much on my love life. And I can tell you the entire spread.
The card representing me was the Eight of Swords... basically meaning I was in the middle of a conflicting situation that I'd willingly put myself into. The problem/immediate challenge was the Knight of Swords, meaning I had a decision to make but didn't know/want to act upon it. The past influence/distant past was The Hierography having to do with knowledge and philosophy... Charli said this had to do with meeting someone who made me feel as though I was looking into a mirror, someone I could just understand without having to make an effort. The underlaying issue/recent past was the Ace of Swords... which had to do with me repressing myself, going with the flow, not saying anything just because I was afraid and felt I could be comfortable with the situation despite really being unhappy. The crowning factor/best outcome was The Lovers which pretty much beyond a shadow of a doubt let me know what the whole scheme was about... if I hadn't wanted to acknowledge it at the beginning I had to at that point. So obviously this would be the ideal but it was also the root of the problem... but a negative card here usually means to cut your losses, I had something positive. The future influence/immediate future was the Two of Swords... me having to make a choice. Either the choice to act or the choice to leave things as they are... with either outcome producing a change, a dramatic change, whether I'm ready or not. This means days or weeks... this has already, to some extent, happened. That was the cross.
Then there was the tower. At the bottom, factors affecting situation, was the Six of Pentacles... Pentacles represent material things but Charli said, since I'm not really a material person, it had to do more with my values and this meant an emotional level. Basically my emotions are what are either hindering or pushing this problem along. The external influence was the Two of Pentacles... again, a material card which we took to be emotional, so emotions are affecting me from the outside too. My hopes and fears was the Page of Swords meaning I listen too much to the influence of others without putting my voice out there, it also showed a fear of what others would think of me pending the resolution of this situation. A fear of gossip. My final outcome was the Three of Cups... this represents marriage or the birth of a child, it has to do with finding happiness and celebration by sharing the joy of life with another person.
So I really don't know. Charli's personal opinion that she gave to me based on all of that and her intuition she basically said that I should expect something (i.e. someone) better to come along... within the next 2 months.
But thats the thing... I try not to place too much value in what other say... and from the reading it told me to listen more to myself. I still feel like the situation I'm in now is worth my time and is worth my effort... but from actually getting to talk about this last night I'm not so sure what to do anymore... there are things in this situation that seem, from my standpoint, to be clearly not as they should be. And although the things I can fix through making an effort are something I am more than willing to work at... it has been addressed that there are issues that seem, quite frankly, beyond my control. When I asked what it meant the answer was 'I'm not sure.' And that just makes me feel defeated... because it makes me see that I do feel more strongly about this person than perhaps they do me... and that is something I have told myself, due to past events, to strictly avoid. Because it has never brought me gain and it's never made me happy until I thought I'd learned from it in retrospect. I'm allowed to make mistakes... I just don't want to repeat them.
So... thats how it is right now. I have to go to Writing for Animation though.
I'll post my new schedule for next quarter later.
JA NE!!!! ^_^
But I guess it went well... we got some work done. Charli had also said she'd give us tarot readings if we came. So when we took our break at midnight she said she'd do it. I was first to go... I asked just a general question 'What direction should I go with my life?' since there wasn't really anything (well I guess there was) that I felt like asking. But, it picked up on it anyways... because it focused pretty much on my love life. And I can tell you the entire spread.
The card representing me was the Eight of Swords... basically meaning I was in the middle of a conflicting situation that I'd willingly put myself into. The problem/immediate challenge was the Knight of Swords, meaning I had a decision to make but didn't know/want to act upon it. The past influence/distant past was The Hierography having to do with knowledge and philosophy... Charli said this had to do with meeting someone who made me feel as though I was looking into a mirror, someone I could just understand without having to make an effort. The underlaying issue/recent past was the Ace of Swords... which had to do with me repressing myself, going with the flow, not saying anything just because I was afraid and felt I could be comfortable with the situation despite really being unhappy. The crowning factor/best outcome was The Lovers which pretty much beyond a shadow of a doubt let me know what the whole scheme was about... if I hadn't wanted to acknowledge it at the beginning I had to at that point. So obviously this would be the ideal but it was also the root of the problem... but a negative card here usually means to cut your losses, I had something positive. The future influence/immediate future was the Two of Swords... me having to make a choice. Either the choice to act or the choice to leave things as they are... with either outcome producing a change, a dramatic change, whether I'm ready or not. This means days or weeks... this has already, to some extent, happened. That was the cross.
Then there was the tower. At the bottom, factors affecting situation, was the Six of Pentacles... Pentacles represent material things but Charli said, since I'm not really a material person, it had to do more with my values and this meant an emotional level. Basically my emotions are what are either hindering or pushing this problem along. The external influence was the Two of Pentacles... again, a material card which we took to be emotional, so emotions are affecting me from the outside too. My hopes and fears was the Page of Swords meaning I listen too much to the influence of others without putting my voice out there, it also showed a fear of what others would think of me pending the resolution of this situation. A fear of gossip. My final outcome was the Three of Cups... this represents marriage or the birth of a child, it has to do with finding happiness and celebration by sharing the joy of life with another person.
So I really don't know. Charli's personal opinion that she gave to me based on all of that and her intuition she basically said that I should expect something (i.e. someone) better to come along... within the next 2 months.
But thats the thing... I try not to place too much value in what other say... and from the reading it told me to listen more to myself. I still feel like the situation I'm in now is worth my time and is worth my effort... but from actually getting to talk about this last night I'm not so sure what to do anymore... there are things in this situation that seem, from my standpoint, to be clearly not as they should be. And although the things I can fix through making an effort are something I am more than willing to work at... it has been addressed that there are issues that seem, quite frankly, beyond my control. When I asked what it meant the answer was 'I'm not sure.' And that just makes me feel defeated... because it makes me see that I do feel more strongly about this person than perhaps they do me... and that is something I have told myself, due to past events, to strictly avoid. Because it has never brought me gain and it's never made me happy until I thought I'd learned from it in retrospect. I'm allowed to make mistakes... I just don't want to repeat them.
So... thats how it is right now. I have to go to Writing for Animation though.
I'll post my new schedule for next quarter later.
JA NE!!!! ^_^