Remnants
These entries are actually from two old myspace blog posts of mine.
When I looked back on them...they still had a bit of an impact from just reading and remembering what I was going through at the point in time. I'm not dwelling on anything just..remembering, thats all.
/beginremnants
"What can you do but stare at the wind" Thursday -July 5, 2007- 6:45p.m.
What can you do but stare at the wind
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life
Well, there is not much I can do. Whats done is done, while it does hurt me a little the way that things had to happen I can't do anything about it to make the situation better without making it worst[*worse]. Right now, it can't be any of my concern to attempt reconnecting the burned bridge. Time goes on, Life goes on, people will come and go. .
I just need to continue to stay focused like I have been doing for the past few weeks, and in time everything will start to come together. I know what I need to do and I'm getting it done. Keep my self busy with errands and I will be good. I almost wish that I never cared so much, but who is to say that is up to me. You care for a reason. .
I cared because I thought that maybe there would be something more to it, that there was an even better side to it. Sometimes its best to take things for what they are and not what you think they can be. Its like have[*having] a beef stew dinner but wanting a steak, you know that the stew beef had potential of becoming that steak dinner but instead it is what it is, a stew. No matter how many times you may close your eyes and try to imagine the beef stew tasting like a steak, it never will be that steak because it has already gone through the process to become whats in front of you at that moment, there is no changing it or trying to imagine what it WOULD be like as something else. It is what it is.
Hmm...leave it to me to make analogies using food.
But..What can you do but stare at the wind.
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"..Yes please say that I am selfish, Tell me now and let me shoot myself." Monday -April 2,2007- 11:29p.m.
. .Yes please say that I am selfish, Tell me now and let me shoot myself.
Category: Life
I really wonder about the way my life seems to be playing out so far. It seems as if I did [*didn't] have enough to hurdle over reality just decided to throw eighteen wheeler trucks at me and expect me to dodge them with superior grace and agility. And...its hard(I wanted to say I can't). I feel so overwhelmed by what is going on in my tiny world. I feel that I may fall apart at any given moment. I feel like crossing that busy street with my eyes closed. I know how selfish it sounds...I know already..but I don't know how much harder I can try. I've tried to fight for everything that is important to me but it never seems to work through. I never seem to just be okay. I have fears... they seem to be getting the best of me.
I know that I am not a weak person, but I'm not sure how strong I really am. I have been taking in a lot and I haven't emitted any negativity so far. I feel anger but I can never bring myself to express it when I need to, and its starting to hurt more and more. There are things that I've pushed back long ago that are resurfacing again. I don't want or need to deal with the past again.
I'm really trying to just hold on..but I just want to walk across that busy street. I want that truck to hit me..
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/endremnants
When I looked back on them...they still had a bit of an impact from just reading and remembering what I was going through at the point in time. I'm not dwelling on anything just..remembering, thats all.
/beginremnants
"What can you do but stare at the wind" Thursday -July 5, 2007- 6:45p.m.
What can you do but stare at the wind
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life
Well, there is not much I can do. Whats done is done, while it does hurt me a little the way that things had to happen I can't do anything about it to make the situation better without making it worst[*worse]. Right now, it can't be any of my concern to attempt reconnecting the burned bridge. Time goes on, Life goes on, people will come and go. .
I just need to continue to stay focused like I have been doing for the past few weeks, and in time everything will start to come together. I know what I need to do and I'm getting it done. Keep my self busy with errands and I will be good. I almost wish that I never cared so much, but who is to say that is up to me. You care for a reason. .
I cared because I thought that maybe there would be something more to it, that there was an even better side to it. Sometimes its best to take things for what they are and not what you think they can be. Its like have[*having] a beef stew dinner but wanting a steak, you know that the stew beef had potential of becoming that steak dinner but instead it is what it is, a stew. No matter how many times you may close your eyes and try to imagine the beef stew tasting like a steak, it never will be that steak because it has already gone through the process to become whats in front of you at that moment, there is no changing it or trying to imagine what it WOULD be like as something else. It is what it is.
Hmm...leave it to me to make analogies using food.
But..What can you do but stare at the wind.
************************************************************
"..Yes please say that I am selfish, Tell me now and let me shoot myself." Monday -April 2,2007- 11:29p.m.
. .Yes please say that I am selfish, Tell me now and let me shoot myself.
Category: Life
I really wonder about the way my life seems to be playing out so far. It seems as if I did [*didn't] have enough to hurdle over reality just decided to throw eighteen wheeler trucks at me and expect me to dodge them with superior grace and agility. And...its hard(I wanted to say I can't). I feel so overwhelmed by what is going on in my tiny world. I feel that I may fall apart at any given moment. I feel like crossing that busy street with my eyes closed. I know how selfish it sounds...I know already..but I don't know how much harder I can try. I've tried to fight for everything that is important to me but it never seems to work through. I never seem to just be okay. I have fears... they seem to be getting the best of me.
I know that I am not a weak person, but I'm not sure how strong I really am. I have been taking in a lot and I haven't emitted any negativity so far. I feel anger but I can never bring myself to express it when I need to, and its starting to hurt more and more. There are things that I've pushed back long ago that are resurfacing again. I don't want or need to deal with the past again.
I'm really trying to just hold on..but I just want to walk across that busy street. I want that truck to hit me..
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/endremnants